Can't transition until at least September 2015

[Chic]

So basically because of personal issues, I'm going to be unable to transition until September 2015 at the very earliest unless certain people in my life start to become more accepting and let me transition.

My dysphoria is only growing more and more and also due to personal reasons, there is no news on me seeing a therapist anytime soon. There is the slightest chance that if I see a therapist and they diagnose me, certain people will understand and allow me to start hormones. My counselor at school is uneducated on MtF matters and I feel like I'm bothering my friends by talking about it excessively. I'm stressed out about everything to do with transitioning, not even to mention the current day-to-day problems I'm dealing with. I'm insecure and trying to quell my dysphoria by looking anywhere and everywhere for re-assurance that I will be passable, or, as an added plus, beautiful when I transition. This either works well or doesn't, and I'm very scared for my future. I've been feeling suicidal lately and I just don't know what to do.

I am so restricted in life, it's ridiculous...I can't even dress up or wear makeup to comfort my dysphoria, nope, I'm stuck as I am. I just can't do this anymore.

I just feel so trapped. I can't be who I am, I can't do anything to fix this. I'm confined to a bubble in a makeup and wig app that won't represent what I'll look like after hormones and that I have to edit to hell to make convincing, but that isn't me! It simply isn't, it's just filter over filter, with some pictures like my avatar less filtered but also less revealing in how much they show. I just can't do this.

There are support groups in my area but due to even more personal reasons, there's no way I can go to them. The people around me are INSISTENT that I can stay male and just 'be myself'.

I'm tired of certain people telling me that me transitioning puts strain on their life, and they don't want me to be near them in public as a female. I am not afraid to admit I'm a moron with life skills. How do I pay taxes? How do I get a house? What about insurance? I have no idea how to do anything in life since I've been pampered like that. There's no way I can just be independent with this, so even AFTER September 2015, there may still be restrictions keeping me from it. Fortunately, at least I'll be able to go to an endo and start hormones in secret, until of course I go full time. I need to transition in college. I have NO IDEA how I'm going to make it through the next year and a half, especially since my body is sure to have some extra special masculine surprises in store for me. Screw that.

This is seriously depressing. Everything is depressing. Why the hell does it have to be this way? I know life is this way but this is completely ridiculous. For a Transgirl I may be lucky in terms of age, location and appearance (and I'm not even so sure about the last one), but I sure as hell don't feel lucky.

[Ms Grace]

Sorry to hear that. I don't know your full story but gather from your post that you're still at high school and/or living with family? Would it possible to talk to the school counsellor or nurse, or do you not trust them or are they unable to help. They may not be able to get you on hormones but at least you'd be able to talk.

Since I live in Australia I'm not sure what the regulations are where you live, but even if your family were supportive it's possible you'd be unable to start full HRT until you turn 18 anyway. Maybe you can get on T blockers, some are used for reasons other than being an anti-androgen (Spiro, for example is a diuretic and blood pressure medication) but you should still make sure you take it under medical supervision.

I know it seems like an eternity away but it will give you the opportunity to start planning for the financial burden that transition will bring, if possible build up some savings before going to college.

[Chic]

Sorry to hear that. I don't know your full story but gather from your post that you're still at high school and/or living with family? Would it possible to talk to the school counsellor or nurse, or do you not trust them or are they unable to help. They may not be able to get you on hormones but at least you'd be able to talk.

Since I live in Australia I'm not sure what the regulations are where you live, but even if your family were supportive it's possible you'd be unable to start full HRT until you turn 18 anyway. Maybe you can get on T blockers, some are used for reasons other than being an anti-androgen (Spiro, for example is a diuretic and blood pressure medication) but you should still make sure you take it under medical supervision.

I know it seems like an eternity away but it will give you the opportunity to start planning for the financial burden that transition will bring, if possible build up some savings before going to college.

Neither the school counselor or nurse could assist me with getting hormones of course, and I can only really speak to my counselor about it. She helps but I see her like once a week, if that. I've been on Spring break all week too, so...

I live in New York, so there is indeed a way I can get them as a minor without parental consent, but it would be damn near impossible and I'm not interested in destroying my relationship with the family. They are against me using T blockers despite anything I say, and their insistence on me not transitioning is damn near airtight. If there's anything that's enough to convince them, the information will be labeled as false and I will be accused of having been influenced by other transgenders.

I have less than $300 saved up, and I could earn more by getting good grades, but my dysphoria is getting to the point where I'm not as consistent with my schoolwork and overall effort at school.

[Evelyn K]

What about getting onto anti-androgens (only), to at least stop the effects of testosterone?

[Chic]

What about getting onto anti-androgens (only), to at least stop the effects of testosterone?

My family won't allow me to do that either. They're completely against putting me on any medication like this and are essentially forcing me to wait until I am 18.

[Evelyn K]

Woops just read the reply above. Never mind.

BTW: http://www.livestrong.com/article/412385-foods-that-are-testosterone-antagonists/

[sad panda]

That really sucks. I had to wait about 3 years (17 to 20) stuck with my family after I decided I actually would transition after all. They were super religious so yeah, I pretty much had a soulless presentation. Not masculine but I mean, just no gender expression. Best I could do was long hair and preppy boy clothes. It sucked, and I had a bad fear of my dad, so I felt like a prisoner kept from all the things that were me.

I think my biggest frustration was my pores got bigger in that time and now they won't shrink again.... ugh. Though it wasn't the end of the world at least. Maybe you could get acne and ask a doc to prescribe yah spiro. Hahah.

Anyway, there's hope. I think I looked sorta like you at 17, then sorta like an anorexic version of you at 20 ;o;

[Mermaid]

Please don't see it the end of the world, you realised what you have to do early, this gives you time to prepare for it. I had no idea I was transgender when I was 16, for example.

There's things you can do to prepare for transition, like body and facial hair removal. Having no hint of hair on your own face will make you look feminine... Plus starting transition without having to worry about hair on your face will make you notice all the HRT changes a lot more.

Is it possible for you to get a job? That could really help you in the future aswell.

Did your parents say you could transition at 18, or do you intend to do it on your own?

[Chic]

Woops just read the reply above. Never mind.

BTW: http://www.livestrong.com/article/412385-foods-that-are-testosterone-antagonists/

That's genius! However I only know potatoes from that, I'll have to start eating them more. I don't think my family is that 'avant garde' with their food selection to try any of the other things lol

[Chic]

Please don't see it the end of the world, you realised what you have to do early, this gives you time to prepare for it. I had no idea I was transgender when I was 16, for example.

There's things you can do to prepare for transition, like body and facial hair removal. Having no hint of hair on your own face will make you look feminine... Plus starting transition without having to worry about hair on your face will make you notice all the HRT changes a lot more.

Is it possible for you to get a job? That could really help you in the future aswell.

Did your parents say you could transition at 18, or do you intend to do it on your own?

Body and facial hair removal as in...laser? If so, no can do. But I do shave my neck hair and light mustache, the former of which grows much quicker and more noticeably. I have a baby face and there is no facial hair in my pictures, if that helps at all.

It is possible, but my family isn't too receptive to it right now because they think I'm inept...lol.

Their attitude isn't that I can transition at 18, it's more like, when I turn 18 they can't really stop me because I'll be a legal adult.

[Evelyn K]

Yeah Google is your friend. Try eating a lot more soy products, soy milk. Spearmint tea. Use like two bags at once to make it stronger.

Keep in mind that real estrogen is 100's of times more potent than what you'll get from food plant estrogens.

But at least it's something.

[fusstangtroy]

Maybe you could talk to lgbt on computer in your area .I believe just turning 18 will not fixes your standing with your family .You need to remember that if you journey out on your own that having no job/place to call home or insurance its up hill battle . Try make connection with lgbt group that can get you start in therapy or resources for your next moves .. Make sure to reach out to anybody that can help you if your outlook with self harm is becoming a issue.. your young and you do have time on your side ..Spend sometime finding a good person who sees life at your level .. Aka Sara