What's the point in transitioning if you can't transition really young? rant. tw

[sad panda]

What's the point of transitioning when it's no fun anyway? Most people have to wait till at least 18 and by then there's like no point in going thru all this suffering just to be boring and old. I feel like I'm too old to enjoy life anymore, esp as an mtf. I also think it's just me but I missed out on being a retarded teen and doing lots of stuff, actually those years were really crappy, so it's like, what... I got to enjoy being 8-12 and that's it. Life's over...

Being old is so boring, seriously. I don't feel old but I got that like old people sense of responsibility. Now I care too much about everything and I'm too sensitive over everything. I don't wanna be like that at all but, can't help it. Being trans doesn't help either, though I'm starting to not care about that anyway. What I do hate is being old, cuz when I go to the mall and I'm surrounded by 14 year old girls I just want to die. They can still have fun in life.

Mmm... when I was younger things just felt more special, now it's like, who cares. Nothing feels special. What's the point in being trans when I'm just going thru the daily motions anyway? What's the point in trying to be pretty when I'm already ruined anyway? What's the point in trying to express an identity that's plain and boring anyway? All I see ahead is a life of spanx and anti-aging cream and gray roots, sending greeting cards and filling out forms, movie nights, pot lucks, baby showers (for other people cuz... yeah...) just getting older and tireder and uglier.

Do you think I could go to an FFS surgeon and tell them to make me look like like, 12 again? Or maybe I should ask them to euthanize me... at least if I detransition I'll look young... I feel ridiculous and being trans only makes my age dysphoria worse. Cis people have kids so they can vicariously have fun again. If I were a mom I'd be one of those moms that lets her daughter have house parties so she can come too. Hah, but I'm never gonna be a mom either so. Just gonna grow older and lonelier. I mean I won't be doing the career thing either, and that seems really stuffy in most jobs anyway.

So can anyone honestly tell me what the point is? What's the point of being old and what's the point of being yourself when all you get from being a woman is... wait what do you get when you're old? Mom jeans? Psych meds? Even worse as a trans woman.... lots of surgeries just to never look like you want to anyway? Risk of discrimination and violence and stuff?

Idk, I'm just really sad about life. Every time I go do stuff I just spend it wanting to be other people. I can't undo all this stuff.

[sam79]

... To stay alive.

Just something which I've noticed, it's the younger transitioners that seem to have the hardest time of it ( except in physical change ).

[sad panda]

... To stay alive.

Just something which I've noticed, it's the younger transitioners that seem to have the hardest time of it ( except in physical change ).

Well, yeah, that's because the older transitioners already had a life once though.

[kelly_aus]

Well, yeah, that's because the older transitioners already had a life once though.

For some of us, it was a pretty poor excuse for a life though..

[sam79]

For some of us, it was a pretty poor excuse for a life though..

You can say that again. It was horrible. I'd certainly prefer to have not survived it, but for whatever reason I did.

[fusstangtroy]

You make being old sound like cancer .. First theirs always someone older than you so that makes you younger .. Have you noticed that more time challenge a person is.!! The less LIFE  drags them down .. Us old girls know how to get the most out of the least and try not to beat UP our self to bad . Happiness does not care how old or young you are ...  Your beautiful person i am sure. you just need support group and where it is .. Find something to smile about and I bet it will grow on ya ..AKA Sara

[Miss_Bungle1991]

What's the point of transitioning when it's no fun anyway? Most people have to wait till at least 18 and by then there's like no point in going thru all this suffering just to be boring and old. I feel like I'm too old to enjoy life anymore, esp as an mtf. I also think it's just me but I missed out on being a retarded teen and doing lots of stuff, actually those years were really crappy, so it's like, what... I got to enjoy being 8-12 and that's it. Life's over...

Being old is so boring, seriously. I don't feel old but I got that like old people sense of responsibility. Now I care too much about everything and I'm too sensitive over everything. I don't wanna be like that at all but, can't help it. Being trans doesn't help either, though I'm starting to not care about that anyway. What I do hate is being old, cuz when I go to the mall and I'm surrounded by 14 year old girls I just want to die. They can still have fun in life.

Mmm... when I was younger things just felt more special, now it's like, who cares. Nothing feels special. What's the point in being trans when I'm just going thru the daily motions anyway? What's the point in trying to be pretty when I'm already ruined anyway? What's the point in trying to express an identity that's plain and boring anyway? All I see ahead is a life of spanx and anti-aging cream and gray roots, sending greeting cards and filling out forms, movie nights, pot lucks, baby showers (for other people cuz... yeah...) just getting older and tireder and uglier.

Do you think I could go to an FFS surgeon and tell them to make me look like like, 12 again? Or maybe I should ask them to euthanize me... at least if I detransition I'll look young... I feel ridiculous and being trans only makes my age dysphoria worse. Cis people have kids so they can vicariously have fun again. If I were a mom I'd be one of those moms that lets her daughter have house parties so she can come too. Hah, but I'm never gonna be a mom either so. Just gonna grow older and lonelier. I mean I won't be doing the career thing either, and that seems really stuffy in most jobs anyway.

So can anyone honestly tell me what the point is? What's the point of being old and what's the point of being yourself when all you get from being a woman is... wait what do you get when you're old? Mom jeans? Psych meds? Even worse as a trans woman.... lots of surgeries just to never look like you want to anyway? Risk of discrimination and violence and stuff?

Idk, I'm just really sad about life. Every time I go do stuff I just spend it wanting to be other people. I can't undo all this stuff.

Who cares about kids? Honestly, being a kid sucks. There is no way in hell I would ever want to be a kid again. I hated it the first time around and it would still suck even if I lived it in the right body. I still would have been an outcast and had no friends. The only thing I would have gained (or lost, in reality) is that I wouldn't have GID on my back.

I hated other children when I was younger and honestly, I still hate (most of) them. Most kids are annoying, whiny and a massive pain in the ass. Even if I was a GG I would NEVER want to have children.

Aging doesn't bother me and never will. You only have two choices: aging or premature death. The average life span isn't that long when you look at the  grand scheme of things, so I don't worry about that. Yeah, I would preferred to start my transition at 9 rather than 29 but that is way that it went so I just roll with it. It's all I can do. It's a waste of time to sit around regretting what you didn't do. Just be thankful for what you DID do.

[Nero]

Age dysphoria. Never heard that term before, but I really like it. I definitely have that. I think it's common in women and trans people. Women, because of the 'bio clock' and also because of society. Trans people, because oftentimes we have had to live the wrong life watching everyone pass us by. By the time we do get to live life, it seems shortened. I think this is yet another area trans women get the short stick. Because the 'golden years' for a woman are pretty early in life. In a way they aren't for a guy. I think that says something though. About our society.

But even for the Kim Petras of the world, that time is really short. So ok, she transitioned at what, 16? So, she got a couple more years of being 'hot'. Doesn't last long. For any woman, trans or cis. After a certain age, women stop being jealous. Men start losing interest. People just stop noticing you altogether. (I never actually reached this age as a woman, but I know about it from my mom and others)

What I'm saying is that even if you had been a cis woman, the time when you're 'hot' is pretty short. So, if you transitioned earlier, you'd have just gained a few years. Not much. The best thing you can do, the best thing any beautiful woman can do, is find something she loves to do that she will still love to do at 60. Something that really feeds her soul. Life is relatively easy for a young, beautiful woman (a bit different for a trans woman, I know). What I was trying to say (badly) before, is that as a young, attractive woman, you've got all the perks and privilege you'll ever get as a woman. Right now. And it just won't be the same later. People just won't care when you're 40 the same way they do now. Harsh, but true. You've just got to grab the bull by the horn, because he won't be around later. You know?

[f_Anna_tastic]

You're romanticising everything.  The grass is always greener.

Youth is wasted on the young. 

I do wish I had transitioned earlier, I started hrt 6 months ago age 29 but I'm a far different person at 29 than I was at 14 even than I was at 25.

And if you think that's there's no fun ahead for me you're so wrong.

I'd hate to be an immature brat

[ReaverMarcus]

Quite a few of my friends, mostly MtFs, are older, but they are quite enjoying themselves. Why? Because they are able to be themselves now, to be comfortable with themselves. I think transitioning shouldn't matter about age. It's about being able to become comfortable with your body.

Age only comes in factor when dealing with the doctors since they do consider age as a risk factor.

Reaver

[Ltl89]

Honestly, I struggle big time with my age.  I'm 25.  It sucks that my life will be starting so late in many ways, all when whatever potential I had to be pretty is already fading.  Sucks.  However, it's nothing I can change.  I guess living is better for me than not.  And living free without anxiety is something I never got to do.  Besides, I actually do look forward to one day being a mom (if I can ever adopt) and a wife (if I can ever trick some guy into marrying me) and all that.  I just would like to be forever young if you will. Sadly, that's not possible.  Overall, I do wish I could start over and be young again, but it's not going to happen and focusing on it will only make me cry more than I already do.  No point in that. 

[helen2010]

Sad Panda

Why so down?   Life is great and it is always better than the alternative.  You are lucky to have the awareness of your dysphoria and treatment options available to you.   Must of us thought we were broken and defective and kept trying to live as expected.  Perhaps having dealt with dysphoria for so long just makes us more appreciative of the relief that has allowed us to live as we were supposed to.

One benefit of having a few years on the clock is to live in the moment, you waste too much time if you are always planning and if you keep revisiting the past you end up looking behind you,  which immediately leads you into a collision and pain because you lack awareness.

Think of the life you have ahead of you and rejoice.

Safe travels

Aisla

[sad panda]

For some of us, it was a pretty poor excuse for a life though..

So you know how I'm feeling, right?

But no matter what it was like, you DID have cis privilege the whole way.

You make being old sound like cancer .. First theirs always someone older than you so that makes you younger .. Have you noticed that more time challenge a person is.!! The less LIFE  drags them down .. Us old girls know how to get the most out of the least and try not to beat UP our self to bad . Happiness does not care how old or young you are ...  Your beautiful person i am sure. you just need support group and where it is .. Find something to smile about and I bet it will grow on ya ..AKA Sara

Being old is like cancer... slowly makes your life miserable, then disfigures you, then you die...

I mean, you gotta admit.

I try not to beat myself up but then I go do things and realize I'm surrounded by younger, prettier girls, who have a more natural and normal life and more fun, and just end up feeling crappy. :/

Who cares about kids? Honestly, being a kid sucks. There is no way in hell I would ever want to be a kid again. I hated it the first time around and it would still suck even if I lived it in the right body. I still would have been an outcast and had no friends. The only thing I would have gained (or lost, in reality) is that I wouldn't have GID on my back.

I hated other children when I was younger and honestly, I still hate (most of) them. Most kids are annoying, whiny and a massive pain in the ass. Even if I was a GG I would NEVER want to have children.

Aging doesn't bother me and never will. You only have two choices: aging or premature death. The average life span isn't that long when you look at the  grand scheme of things, so I don't worry about that. Yeah, I would preferred to start my transition at 9 rather than 29 but that is way that it went so I just roll with it. It's all I can do. It's a waste of time to sit around regretting what you didn't do. Just be thankful for what you DID do.

I guess we just disagree. I liked being young a lot. I had so many friends and was always out doing things and experiencing new things. Everything was so fun and things felt so special, and there was some structure in my life. Until I developed really bad anxiety and it all went downhill...

I'm glad you can enjoy being old. But, I can't it feels like.

[HoneyBunny]

I know how you feel sadpanda. I started late on hormones to be a pretty girl. I need ffs badly just to pass because after three years of hrt I know I am never going to look pretty or even pass 100% for that matter. Still, being on hrt is better than not being on hrt. It hurts because when I go see my doctor I see girls who are like 12 or younger getting help to transition and it makes me sad because I will never pass for cis. Still, I do know one girl who started hrt at age 14 and she still B*****  at me and tells me that she sees the man in the mirror so to speak. I am so lonely though, I just want to go on a date with a guy, but I am not pretty enough for that.

If only I could have started hrt 7 years earlier i might have had a chance to pass, but 19 was too late.

[Evelyn K]

I don't want a little screeching oozing booger crumb cruncher. At an estimated $300K to raise {1} human larva each, I'd rather just save that for my retirement.

With regards to transitioning at an older age - I don't know about you people - but I find getting on E to be a fountain of youth. Turning back the clock 10 - 15 years by having your copy-fatigued genes express themselves anew. The blueprints are dormant and there.

[Miss_Bungle1991]

I'm glad you can enjoy being old.

LMFAO!!

I'm seriously laughing my ass off at this statement. I don't feel old at all. I may be a few years away from 40 but I don't feel old at all. Most of the time, I feel more vibrant, alive and a hell of a lot happier than I did when I was inducing a fake sense of happiness drinking and smoking myself into oblivion. (Which I only did in the first place due to GID. If it wasn't for that, I never would have drank or smoked pot.) Sure, I have some "off" days but that is only due to the GID. When that happens, I get through it as best I can and it goes away. (Portia comes in handy on days like that.) Old is a state of mind. Of course your body will age but, so what? You can't get around that. I feel younger now than I did when I was in my 20s.

[Tori]

It is time I confessed.

I transitioned at the old age of 37, just to troll Sad Panda, and for no other valid reason.

Now you know.

I am sorry Susan's, you can ban me now.

[Veronica M]

Ah to be young again... Girl I am not sure how old you are but you are sadly mistaken... It seems you are basing your transition on being pretty and that isn't what its about at all. Sure we would all like to be totally gorgeous, but serious that is to me not what transition is about. It's being who I really am. In actuality older women can kick up their heels with the best of them and are not so pressured with the vanity issues that younger girls have to deal with. Also we become more self confident with age, and are not as worried about what others may think of us as much. Let's face it, one does not shrivel up and die at 30... Hell, I'm 56 years old and just learning how to live and be happy with myself. And believe you me it is a fanatic feeling. From my point of view, being older, I'm going to totally live it up, because for the first time in my life I feel like a whole person.

[sad panda]

Age dysphoria. Never heard that term before, but I really like it. I definitely have that. I think it's common in women and trans people. Women, because of the 'bio clock' and also because of society. Trans people, because oftentimes we have had to live the wrong life watching everyone pass us by. By the time we do get to live life, it seems shortened. I think this is yet another area trans women get the short stick. Because the 'golden years' for a woman are pretty early in life. In a way they aren't for a guy. I think that says something though. About our society.

But even for the Kim Petras of the world, that time is really short. So ok, she transitioned at what, 16? So, she got a couple more years of being 'hot'. Doesn't last long. For any woman, trans or cis. After a certain age, women stop being jealous. Men start losing interest. People just stop noticing you altogether. (I never actually reached this age as a woman, but I know about it from my mom and others)

What I'm saying is that even if you had been a cis woman, the time when you're 'hot' is pretty short. So, if you transitioned earlier, you'd have just gained a few years. Not much. The best thing you can do, the best thing any beautiful woman can do, is find something she loves to do that she will still love to do at 60. Something that really feeds her soul. Life is relatively easy for a young, beautiful woman (a bit different for a trans woman, I know). What I was trying to say (badly) before, is that as a young, attractive woman, you've got all the perks and privilege you'll ever get as a woman. Right now. And it just won't be the same later. People just won't care when you're 40 the same way they do now. Harsh, but true. You've just got to grab the bull by the horn, because he won't be around later. You know?

Yeah... honestly there's not many activities that really interest me that I currently do. I mean I can pass time but it's not fun. I realized that a lot of the problem is I'm actually really extroverted but I became so inhibited and anxious that I started withdrawing into a world that only works for an introvert. I need to constantly be surrounded by stimulation but I don't get that with this lifestyle, and I feel like that lifestyle is just suited to being young anyway. Or maybe I say that cuz I had that when I was young and now I feel like I turned in my membership. I miss it so much. Sleepovers every other night, partying, doing stupid things with my friends, sneaking out and hanging out at the park late at night. Gossiping about who likes who, going to the mall or the movies and just not having a care in the world, feeling so utterly natural and unconcerned. Now I just feel like a kid in an adult's world. And an adult's body, and really even in an adult's mind. And it's so miserable :/ so really, I just don't want to become old. I just feel like I'll be drawing this out. The more I do stuff and get out lately the more I just feel like I can't be me anymore cuz of my age dysphoria. I don't want to be me, so then what's the point of being a girl anyway if it's easier to just not be trans.

Quite a few of my friends, mostly MtFs, are older, but they are quite enjoying themselves. Why? Because they are able to be themselves now, to be comfortable with themselves. I think transitioning shouldn't matter about age. It's about being able to become comfortable with your body.

Age only comes in factor when dealing with the doctors since they do consider age as a risk factor.

Reaver

Well, I was comfortable in my body before just as much as now, I mean once I lost weight (I was fat for a little while.) I don't really understand body dysphoria but that's just me. My body was never really masculine, I was just a twinky lil boy who looked the same as when i was 12. So I guess I don't have that benefit of transition to rely on. But my age dysphoria is really bad and being trans can't fix that. :c

You're romanticising everything.  The grass is always greener.

Youth is wasted on the young. 

I do wish I had transitioned earlier, I started hrt 6 months ago age 29 but I'm a far different person at 29 than I was at 14 even than I was at 25.

And if you think that's there's no fun ahead for me you're so wrong.

I'd hate to be an immature brat

Well I am an immature brat, I'm sorry. I try to be an adult but it just makes me unhappy, I'm just doing it for other people to not hate me :/

[Chic]

I'm transitioning at 18, I don't see what the problem is. Perhaps it's because I'm going to college and that's like an even more fun version of high school, except people are more mature and you have more freedom. Personally, high school's nice and all, but transitioning now wouldn't be very fun...I'd probably get bullied quite a lot and I'd like to start a new life when I start HRT, meaning I don't want to live where I live.

Also, on hormones, many people have a more youthful look, so I suppose you could pass as a younger female, if that's a worry.

When I transition at 18, it's likely I'll go full time somewhere around when I turn 19, before or after starting my sophomore year of college. That will give me my full sophomore, junior and senior year of college to live life young, and then I'll be 21. That's still 9 more golden years left of youth left.

When I get to 30? I don't know...maybe I'll have a husband by then, hopefully even married. I'd hope I'm still youthful into my 30's. Maybe I'd even be famous if I'm super lucky. I don't know.

I just think that focusing on being too old at 30 is ridiculous when most people are transitioning at 60. I know a 30 year old transwoman who's happy as can be, still looks youthful and has a lot of fun going out with friends and exercising and all that. She even has a daughter.

Life isn't over when you're 30. I think there's still a lot of fun to have in your 20's. Most people wish they were in their 20's too.

Maybe it's not your age that's keeping you from being happy. Maybe it's the fact you think that your age is restricting you from it that's really keeping you from happiness.