Of Course I Have Daddy Issues: Duh!

[Ev]

The other day in a...loving exchange...I was accused by an "all-knowing" gentleman of being, in a nutshell, "a little girl and cheap whore with daddy issues."  This did not upset me in the least, because A: I am a pre-op trans without the aid of hormones/surgery just yet so to see me as a "female" at this point is an ego-boost; B: to say I am a "cheap whore" means I am sexy in a "dirty way;" and C: that I do not have fond/healthy memories of my father is indeed true.

I do not need to explain myself, but for the "sake" of the trans-process in general, I have to say that just because you are trans does not mean you have "issues" any worse than anyone else by default.  A lot of trans do have issues, because for one simple reason: people have issues, and trans are people.  No one is perfect.  However, because a trans is not "normal" and is sort of taboo it automatically becomes a "big deal" to these ignorant people who oppose the "lifestyle" in general, and like to point it out to make a point. 

People latch on to the whole "tragic ->-bleeped-<-" image, and fail to look at the fact that they themselves are sick little voyeurs who "get off" on the shortcomings of others, allowing them for a moment to put all their pain, suffering, and frustrations out on a scapegoat.  Doing it to a ->-bleeped-<- is easy, right?  They have little in terms of social support 9/10, often with ignorant friends/family who leave because they aren't looking deeper at the person.  Who in their right mind "does that kind of thing" to themselves, right?  What "guy" in his "right mind" puts on makeup and wears women's clothes?  What "guy" in his "right mind" gets his "manhood" flipped inside-out?

Of course, here, I speak from the "MTF" perspective: but this is for all trans in general who identify with what I am saying.

Now, I ask:

Well, what kind of person "in their right mind" pickles their liver every Friday by getting drunk to blow off steam?  What kind of person "in their right mind" eats until their stomachs burst, and then keeps eating?  What kind of person "in their right mind" hops themselves up on sugar knowing it can lead to diabetes later in life?  What kind of person "in their right mind" puts their body through the stress of lifting 500 LBS a day to build insane amounts of muscle?  What kind of person "in their right mind" pines for the approval of their fickle and ever-unstable peer groups?  What kind of person "in their right mind" eats themselves into an ice-cream headache and then eats some more?  What kind of person "in their right mind" keeps "bad people" around just because they are family or church members?  Shall I continue?

Now, the subject at hand: my "bad" relationship with my father has zero to do with my transition.  I wanted to be a "girl" before the "abuse" got heavy.  If my father would have been supportive of me I would still choose to keep a variant of the name "Randall" and changed it to "Randi" and kept the last name Carson.  However, because he was abusive to me in his own special way, to keep the name "Randy" or "Randall" and to bear the "Carson" name is essentially keeping that relationship with him alive.  Even if I didn't go through the change, I would have wanted a name change due to my bad relationship with him.  Anyone here remember Fenrir?  Probably not, as that was away from Susan's.  That was one such effort: but since I still couldn't be "male" Fenrir didn't last.

So, do I have daddy issues?  Yes.  Are my daddy issues the reason why I am getting the change?  Absolutely not.  Is my daddy issues the reason for the heavy name change?  Yes.

My personality is the type to do things because I was going to anyways.  For example, even as a child I doubted the Christian teachings and existence of God.  I would have walked away at some point.  However, because I went through abuse at the hands of the Church, I walked away with a chip on my shoulder.  I won't lie there.  If my family and church wouldn't have treated me like some sort of "vile creature" and just let me be, I would have walked away without a peep.

That's the thing, you see: people like to assume that the reason why you are "the way you are" is because of YOUR issues or YOUR personality.  That is only half true, I feel.  To say that others did not influence you to some degree is to allow these bullies a form of clemency, allowing even them to think it is all your fault and they have no responsability for themselves.

*Amendment:

And before I forget/get asked why this is in the MTF section even though I am androgynous: I put this in the MTF section because the MTF procedure is what I am going through on an physical level.  So, while I identify as androgynous I will be experiencing the same things on a chemical and social level as the other MTFs.

[Ms Grace]

...I have to say that just because you are trans does not mean you have "issues" any worse than anyone else by default.  A lot of trans do have issues, because for one simple reason: people have issues, and trans are people.  No one is perfect. 

I think you pretty much hit the nail on the head there! I know I used to be a mess myself but now consider myself fairly "with it", certainly I know cis people who are a bigger mess than I've ever been.

[immortal gypsy]

Preaching to the chior here.

Everyone of us in this world has some issues or a cross to bare of some kind, it is only when we wish to make some profound lifestyle change (declare your sexuality, totally change your religion, wish to change our gender) it is when we can find experts armchair and going through our lives and to say why we are flawed, ignoring they can be as equally as flawed as well.

One of Newton's Laws state: "For every action there is an equal and oppisite reaction" Our future is shaped by our present, witch is moulded by our pasts that where influenced by our interactions to our world around us both positive and negative.


Fenrir? As in the child of Loki and Angrbooa, the one fated to kill Odin (father of the Norse Gods) during Ragnarok?

[Ev]

Preaching to the chior here.

Everyone of us in this world has some issues or a cross to bare of some kind, it is only when we wish to make some profound lifestyle change (declare your sexuality, totally change your religion, wish to change our gender) it is when we can find experts armchair and going through our lives and to say why we are flawed, ignoring they can be as equally as flawed as well.

One of Newton's Laws state: "For every action there is an equal and oppisite reaction" Our future is shaped by our present, witch is moulded by our pasts that where influenced by our interactions to our world around us both positive and negative.


Fenrir? As in the child of Loki and Angrbooa, the one fated to kill Odin (father of the Norse Gods) during Ragnarok?

Yes, Fenrir.  When I left Christianity "officially" I experimented with other religions before I settled with "symbolic pagan."  Basically I am an atheist but I find a lot of the pagan religions to carry with them archetypes and stories that, when taken as forms of allegory and symbolism, can speak volumes about your overall character and life story.

There was a time I rejected my femine and hyper-masculinized myself as a way to "deny" a part of me that was repressed and thought I had to "keep that way" for my own good.  There was also a time where I super-feminized myself but found that (in my personal philosophy) to be an over-compensation just the other way.  I decided to "transcend" the gender binary so went with androgynous: the MTF surgery is because I don't like that "part" of me and figured the most logical thing was to get rid of it...but that is in another thread I did when I first came here.  I plan on even after all the hormones and whatnot to keep an androgynous appearance most of the time.  Because of the "legal" discrimination against those not of the M/F binary, though, I will legally identify as female but would say "other" or "A" if I could...but that's not the things work here so I will do it to get where I need to be in life.  You gotta do what you gotta do.

So, backtracking: my pagan name was "Fenrir" to show that I felt shackled and betrayed by the religion of my father/the church, as Fenrir was bound by Odin who was my symbol for the "godhead" and "church."  I also felt betrayed by my friends, who left me after I left the church: and seeing as to how Fenrir was betrayed by Tyr, who put his hand in his mouth and had it bit off...at that point, Tyr was his friend...I also found that relevant.  My friends and I both were hurt in the process.  Fenrir gets his revenge, but is killed by another god shortly after...also relevant because even though I would get revenge in my own right, I would still have to die some day.  Fenrir is also feral, angry, and to me masculine...unlike Loki who is actually androgynous and has taken on the form of man and woman, being the trickster-type character...so Fenrir just fit the bill 100% to me.

This runs the risk of crossing over into the religion/philosophy thread, but since you asked I have no qualms about asking it.

However, "masculine" I am not, so I relieved Fenrir of his "leadership" position.  He's still there (symbolically) as part of my androgynous personna: my middle name "Evan."  Jung, one of my favorite pyschologist-philosophers, talks about the way to balance a person trully is to embrace both sides but oftentimes along the way the person will over-compensate on both ends of the masculine/feminine spectrum before they reach that point.  I am an extreme case in point: I have always been open about how I am inside so this principle manifested HEAVILY with me.

[JamesG]

My father was/is a self-centered ->-bleeped-<-. But beyond setting an example of how NOT to parent to me, I don't have any particular trauma that many others don't also have with results as varied as you listed.

"Daddy issues" is just another throw away insult from the same page as "bitch", "->-bleeped-<-", or "queer". Mindless, not even remotely creative. It's probably even a line from some movie.