Just wanted to say hello to the community^_^
I guess I'll just go through the questions posted for this thread and introduce myself. My name real name is Bree. I'm a trans woman, at the very beginning of my transition. I'm a very nerdy college student who plans to work for Nasa someday. I know it sounds very lol, but it's the truth. Like alot of people I dream of being able to travel into space, although the possibility for that is very slim. Seriously only about 500 people have ever been into space! But in any case I will be going through physics classes when I transfer.
I've been out of the pink closet for about a year and a half now and I've been what you would call stuck. I've really haven't worked on myself at all really. I haven't been working, and honestly just been living a lonely, depressed hole for the past year. I haven't really wanted to go out much because I still look like a boy, but don't talk or act like one. All of this, however, is about to change.
Learning about the cosmos, what some call "The Cosmic Perspective" has given my life such clarity. It's allowed not only for me to realize what things in life are really important, but also made me realize what I want to do with my life.
When you realize that this world which holds everyone and everything you've ever known about is a tiny spec of dust in the ocean that is our Universe, it gives you such immense perspective on the harrasment and bull->-bleeped-<- that all of us have to face with on a daily basis. I admit that I'm not the best at letting harrasment go, sometimes it can really get to me. But when I remember how insignificant the whole thing is, it's hard for me to not let it go.
Coming out has truly made me into an actual person. Before I came out to myself, I wasn't a real person, because I was constantly trying to lie to myself and others that I was this really masculine guy(Even though most people just thought I was a nerd, lol). After coming out to myself I've really discovered who I really am, and where I really want to go. Even though I haven't had any physical changes yet, the clarity of mentally transitioning to being myself has been amazing. It's transformed me from a suicidal, depressed disaster into a real person trying to face her problems.
As ready as I am to move foward, I definitely still have some things to work on. I'm very shy and quiet in public. When I go out with people that I know I'm trans I'm usually more open and I'll wear makeup and everything. But when I'm out in public normally I'm very quiet and try to avoid people as much as possible. I know I have to change this as I especially need to get a job asap. I've been out of work and school for way too long, and as I don't have an support for transitioning or school and need to be able to pay for them.
I hate to turn an introduction into asking for advice, but I could really use some advice and I'm not sure if I saw a place for it. I don't really know whether to go job hunting telling my potential employer that I'm female or saying that I'm male. Most of the people around me(including my most supportive people) have told me they think I should use my legal name and tell them that I'm male. On the flipside my therapist has told me that she thinks I should be honest to my potential employers and tell them my name is Bree. I like my therapist, but admittedly she doesn't have a lot of experience with trans people. The cat is out of the bag as far as trying to act "normal." I am who I am, and I can't change that. I really can't pretend to be someone else. So I figure I can either be honest with them about who I am, get my look together and wear makeup to cover up 5 o' clock shadow, or lie and tell them my legal name. To clarify being honest wouldn't entail be spout a story about ->-bleeped-<- in the interview, I mean tell them I go by bree, and wear makeup to cover 5 o' clock shadow. I already wear women's clothes that are most gender neutral, like jeans and a white button up top.
I would obviously prefer to not have go with the male option, but if I'm being completely deluded please tell me so. As easy as it would be to pretend that I'm a guy, I just can't do it. I know it's the easy thing to do, but it just feels so wrong. It makes me feel so far beyond phony, that I trample on my own identity. Again I know what the easy option is so please do tell me if I'm being deluded, because I'm really unsure of what to do.
In any event, if you made it through my post, Thank You, and I hope to talk to you.
