Outed By My Pastor

[Gina Taylor]

Just had a meeting with my pastor from a Baptist church. He first went over the standard things like if I'm going to die, how do I know that I'm going to heaven, and then he surprised me and told me that he knows that I'm a cross-dresser. But at least it doesn't bother him, because he's been watching me over the past few weeks and he's noticed that I'm not trying to glamorize myself but am just looking for my space when I'm there. Then he told me that some of the women from the congregation have said something to him about me using the washrooms, so I'll have to refrain from using those.

Now I've been going to this church for the past four months and I really thought everything was going well and that I was accepted as a 'woman'. Guess I was wrong.    I guess I'll still attend the women's bible study, since I'm still a part of that group. The only thing that really puzzles me is how he found out my male name. 

[JamesG]

You were presenting as a woman at a Baptist church? That is pretty brave...

[Blue Rabbit]

Obviously I wasn't there! So I know nothing. But from reading what you wrote down it doesn't sound like your pastor is outing you?
It sounds like he may be fine with it and accepting but he's under pressure by dick head women who go to the church who aren't accepting? ("Then he told me that some of the women from the congregation have said something to him about me using the washrooms, so I'll have to refrain from using those. ")

Just like again I wanna say I know nothing about the situation but really wanted to point out that the pastor isn't necessarily a twat, he may be in such a difficult position, he him self may accept you or if he doesn't agree with what you're doing he accepts you have your own opinion or what ever, but he may have OTHER people putting pressure on him to do something about it as he is the Pastor? Or maybe he's trying to keep the peace?

[Ltl89]

Obviously I wasn't there! So I know nothing. But from reading what you wrote down it doesn't sound like your pastor is outing you?
It sounds like he may be fine with it and accepting but he's under pressure by dick head women who go to the church who aren't accepting? ("Then he told me that some of the women from the congregation have said something to him about me using the washrooms, so I'll have to refrain from using those. ")

Just like again I wanna say I know nothing about the situation but really wanted to point out that the pastor isn't necessarily a twat, he may be in such a difficult position, he him self may accept you or if he doesn't agree with what you're doing he accepts you have your own opinion or what ever, but he may have OTHER people putting pressure on him to do something about it as he is the Pastor? Or maybe he's trying to keep the peace?

Yeah, I wasn't sure which way it went either.  In any case, I hope he is accepting of you and won't out you to other members of the church.  If that's the case, then it's cool that this all happened at a Baptist church.  Gives me faith in humanity. 

[Blue Rabbit]

No matter what the case this is unfair on you and wrong -_- But yea just remember ya pastor might be in a difficult position. "Don't kill the messenger"

[Kova V]

The fact you were brave enough to go (and on a regular basis too) tells me that you really need that in your life.

One thing I will suggest for you to watch for is for people (pastor especially) trying to make you feel guilty for who you are or embarrassing you. They don't do it overtly, it's very subtle. Maybe they enquire about your parents (looking for a button to push) or ask pointed questions about why you like dressing "like" a girl and not "as" a girl. These are subtle things that most people don't recognize unless they're in the "people business" -psycologists, pastors, marketing people, 6-figure sales people, speech writers, lawyers, politicians and con-men. People know this as "spin," we refer to this as having the "right language." It's not lying, its just reinforcing your perspective on the opinion they want you to focus on. I'm in marketing so I "see" it when it happens. Having the right language can also be used to reenforce a good and positive mindset too. Tony Robins touches on this in some of his self-help stuff, I YouTube him when I feel especially lost. He's such a sweetheart, not my type though.

If you notice you feel especially guilty for being trans, get out of there. God loves you the way you are.

[E-Brennan]

I'd find a new church.  There's clearly misinformed gossip among the women and creepy covert investigations under the surface here, and the pastor may be telling you, very gently, that you're not welcome anymore.

Are there no LGBT-friendly churches in your vicinity?

[suzifrommd]

I'd find a new church.  There's clearly misinformed gossip among the women and creepy covert investigations under the surface here, and the pastor may be telling you, very gently, that you're not welcome anymore.

Are there no LGBT-friendly churches in your vicinity?

This^

Such places do exist.

The preacher at our church starts out every service with these words:

No matter who you are, no matter where you're from, no matter who you love, no matter what path you have traveled to get to this place in your life, you are welcome here.

I always get chills when I hear it.

[Gina Taylor]

You were presenting as a woman at a Baptist church? That is pretty brave...

Yeah. I've been doing that since January and I haven't had any problems. Total acceptance!  But it's strange that you say that it's 'brave', because when I told my therapist of what I had done, he said the same thing.

[Gina Taylor]

Obviously I wasn't there! So I know nothing. But from reading what you wrote down it doesn't sound like your pastor is outing you?
It sounds like he may be fine with it and accepting but he's under pressure by dick head women who go to the church who aren't accepting? ("Then he told me that some of the women from the congregation have said something to him about me using the washrooms, so I'll have to refrain from using those. ")

Just like again I wanna say I know nothing about the situation but really wanted to point out that the pastor isn't necessarily a twat, he may be in such a difficult position, he himself may accept you or if he doesn't agree with what you're doing he accepts you have your own opinion or what ever, but he may have OTHER people putting pressure on him to do something about it as he is the Pastor? Or maybe he's trying to keep the peace?

I may have misquoted myself in saying that he 'outed' me. But he had said that he is fine with the way that I wanna be even though he doesn't accept it{because of the fact that I'll never be a woman} but yes, he's getting pressure form the women of the congregation for using the washroom. So as long as I refrain from using the women's washroom, everything will be peachy keen. 
I personally feel that it was handled better this time instead of last time at my previous church, where I had used the women's room once, and I had been reprimanded  for it immediately and then my pastor called me about it to reprimanded me more.

[Gina Taylor]

Yeah, I wasn't sure which way it went either.  In any case, I hope he is accepting of you and won't out you to other members of the church.  If that's the case, then it's cool that this all happened at a Baptist church.  Gives me faith in humanity.

I think that some of the members of my bible study know that I'm a transsexual, because once or twice they've had to speak to me about the way I was sitting when I was wearing a short dress. LOL! But tell me though, what's up with the Baptist church and the LBGT's?  Have I missed something?

[Gina Taylor]

No matter what the case this is unfair on you and wrong -_- But yea just remember ya pastor might be in a difficult position. "Don't kill the messenger"

Like I said before, I thought it was nice that he took me aside and had a private meeting with me instead of doing this after church.   

[Gina Taylor]

Tbh it sounds like he knew without the other women coming to see him. If he referred to you as a cross-dresser, maybe at the next opportunity you have mention that you are transgender to him? It might help with using the correct washroom facilities and for other people to have more understanding.

I had corrected him, but he just told me that 'TRANSSEXUAL' was the technical term that is being used. He's at least allowed me to use his washroom if the need arises. There must have been something though that must have tipped him off, because I'm very careful in my mannerisms.

[Gina Taylor]

The fact you were brave enough to go (and on a regular basis too) tells me that you really need that in your life.

One thing I will suggest for you to watch for is for people (pastor especially) trying to make you feel guilty for who you are or embarrassing you. They don't do it overtly, it's very subtle. Maybe they enquire about your parents (looking for a button to push) or ask pointed questions about why you like dressing "like" a girl and not "as" a girl. These are subtle things that most people don't recognize unless they're in the "people business" -psycologists, pastors, marketing people, 6-figure sales people, speech writers, lawyers, politicians and con-men. People know this as "spin," we refer to this as having the "right language." It's not lying, its just reinforcing your perspective on the opinion they want you to focus on. I'm in marketing so I "see" it when it happens. Having the right language can also be used to reenforce a good and positive mindset too. Tony Robins touches on this in some of his self-help stuff, I YouTube him when I feel especially lost. He's such a sweetheart, not my type though.

If you notice you feel especially guilty for being trans, get out of there. God loves you the way you are.

Very interesting marketing ploy. But I don't really talk all that much with  the congregation for them to really get anything out of me. Nobody's ever gonna make me feel guilty about who I am either. I am who I am , and if nobody can accept that, then I don't have the time for them.

[Kova V]

People don't buy products, people buy ideas.

Also, I'm sorry if I jumped to any conclusions about your pastor, I'm not a big fan of organized religion for personal reasons.

[Amy The Bookworm]

But tell me though, what's up with the Baptist church and the LBGT's?  Have I missed something?

It's been my experience that in most parts of the country, Baptists tend to be extremely conservative politically and tend to sell an extreme interpretation of the bible. At least the ones that live in my town are (...who also make up the majority of the population). Here, they teach their kids that: Star Wars, My Little Pony, and Harry Potter teach witch craft, that poor people are on welfare and thus, do not deserve/need help (...never have understood this one), Obama is the Anti-Christ, Evolution has no real scientific basis and is blasphemous because it contradicts the word of god, and oh, yeah ... LGBT people are immoral sinners who need to be run out of town, and that's if they're feeling friendly. On a hay ride that my wife signed my daughter up for, I heard the words "Homos should be dragged out into the street and shot! If my kid was gay I'd beat him senseless and throw him out!"

This is the way most people think here, and keep in mind, they said this casually and in front of children.

... I would seriously fear for my life if me being transgender became common knowledge here.

So yes, you going to a baptist chruch openly for 4 months is extremely brave, at least looking at it from where I'm from. I'd be terrified to walk on the opposite side of the street from that place in full girl mode.

[Jill F]

It's been my experience that in most parts of the country, Baptists tend to be extremely conservative politically and tend to sell an extreme interpretation of the bible. At least the ones that live in my town are (...who also make up the majority of the population). Here, they teach their kids that: Star Wars, My Little Pony, and Harry Potter teach witch craft, that poor people are on welfare and thus, do not deserve/need help (...never have understood this one), Obama is the Anti-Christ, Evolution has no real scientific basis and is blasphemous because it contradicts the word of god, and oh, yeah ... LGBT people are immoral sinners who need to be run out of town, and that's if they're feeling friendly. On a hay ride that my wife signed my daughter up for, I heard the words "Homos should be dragged out into the street and shot! If my kid was gay I'd beat him senseless and throw him out!"
This is the way most people think here, and keep in mind, they said this casually and in front of children.

... I would seriously fear for my life if me being transgender became common knowledge here.

So yes, you going to a baptist chruch openly for 4 months is extremely brave, at least looking at it from where I'm from. I'd be terrified to walk on the opposite side of the street from that place in full girl mode.

Because that's exactly what Jesus said to do. /sarc

Scary.

[f_Anna_tastic]

Religious folk crack me up.  I've never seen so much intolerance from people who claim to be all about love.

[Gina Taylor]

People don't buy products, people buy ideas.

Also, I'm sorry if I jumped to any conclusions about your pastor, I'm not a big fan of organized religion for personal reasons.

Very good point there Kova V. I'm not much of fan of organized religion either, but I go to learn from those that have been educated in theology.

[Gina Taylor]

It's been my experience that in most parts of the country, Baptists tend to be extremely conservative politically and tend to sell an extreme interpretation of the bible. At least the ones that live in my town are (...who also make up the majority of the population). Here, they teach their kids that: Star Wars, My Little Pony, and Harry Potter teach witch craft, that poor people are on welfare and thus, do not deserve/need help (...never have understood this one), Obama is the Anti-Christ, Evolution has no real scientific basis and is blasphemous because it contradicts the word of god, and oh, yeah ... LGBT people are immoral sinners who need to be run out of town, and that's if they're feeling friendly. On a hay ride that my wife signed my daughter up for, I heard the words "Homos should be dragged out into the street and shot! If my kid was gay I'd beat him senseless and throw him out!"

This is the way most people think here, and keep in mind, they said this casually and in front of children.

... I would seriously fear for my life if me being transgender became common knowledge here.

So yes, you going to a baptist chruch openly for 4 months is extremely brave, at least looking at it from where I'm from. I'd be terrified to walk on the opposite side of the street from that place in full girl mode.

That's pretty stern if you ask me. And I guess I've been really lucky with as many rednecks as I've got living here as well!