kind of confused about the standard I need to achieve.

[stephaniec]

there seems to be an infinite amount of discussion about "passing" with no answers or solutions. I'm going on the miracle 7 th  month of HRT. This is supposed to be the month where a lot of transitioners  learn their possible fate of needing FFS or what ever means to be able to blend in enough not to be stoned to death. Sometimes  the progress is slower and you won't know for a few years. I'm just totally at a loss as to what to do if after a few years you don't make the cut on being" passible ". Like  Your dysphoria doesn't go away with partial dose. Now. your stuck in limbo looking half male and have female. I'm just confused as to the solution. Do you give up transition and find a way of surviving another day. Do you plow ahead and be damned with what others think be it cis or trans . It's obviously going to be rough to choose to ignore public perception. I don't know the answer, I just don't think I've heard a solution to this predicament since being on Susan's for 7 months.    I myself won't know for awhile whether or not I'll need to where a full body burka . All I know is that I can't go back to the life I was living pre HRT. It would be nice to have a more accepting world community.

[mrs izzy]

Passing is being comfortable in ones own body and does not care what others might think.

Loosing the fear is truly the key.

Luck
Izzy

[f_Anna_tastic]

As of tomorrow I will have been on hormones for 7 months so I'm at a similar stage.

I definitely don't pass at the moment unless I'm fully made up and wearing a wig.

I'm definitely in the awkward androgynous phase and I think I'll still be in it for another 4-5 months at least.

I would however say that I can feel hrt has a lot more to offer me and I wouldn't be making a decision on ffs for at least another year (not that I'll ever be able to afford it)

[MikaylaGC]

It's a funny thing HRT (I'm 2mths on E & 6mths on spiro etc),in a way for me the HRT has made my dysphoria worse, as I'm like really opening up my mind through HRT to a whole new world of being and experiencing all the things a woman does(and I'm sure theres more to come for me, alot more) but I'm still stuck in this slowly androgynising body, which kind of frustrates me more than pre-HRT/T-blockers. I really wish there was some place I could go for like a year or two, like some Trans monastery in the tibetan mountains LOL and comeback a sexy bishe But thats not to be I guess. I dont really have any answers for you accept to say I understand totally what you mean, and I dont think there are any real clear cut answers for this stage most of us are in(1st two years, I guess).
But then again, this is why Susans Place(Ive read this site for years) exists tho right? 'Coz there arent any "hey go do this" answers, so we come here for support/help/inspiration & hopefully a good laugh so we can keep going.
Keep smiling Babes, were here for you

[helen2010]

Mikayla

Wow your reaction to hrt is quite different to mine.  My dysphoria just stopped with hrt, no urge to cross dress or to fully transition.  I now am in a much better emotional space, life is richer and relationship with myself and with others feel more meaningful.  Emotionally I am happy, comfortable and at peace.  The incessant noise and self talk has stopped which is a very good thing.

I like the slowly feminising effects of low dose hrt and I am trying to find an A or GQ presentation that works for me as my mind is running well ahead of physical changes and I am definitely comfortable with the emotional changes from hormonal brain re-mapping.

I am enjoying the journey but am not prescriptive as to destination as I have already arrived in a much better place.

Safe travels

Aisla

[justpat]

   Who are you taking HRT for ?you or the world around you ? I am a little older than you and the HRT is definately for me, I started it 3 months before my 64th birthday.I will never go back ever , I can't, my hope is to be a tall older lady who blends in with those around me. I don't think that is impossible to achieve as my betterhalf and I are refered to as two old ladies out fishing when we are in the boat.    Patty

[Evelyn K]

Passing is being comfortable in ones own body and does not care what others might think.

Loosing the fear is truly the key.

Luck
Izzy

^^^ until you get cat called "->-bleeped-<-!"

Seriously, do people really believe this wishful thinking nonsense?

[RosieD]

@stephaniec I think one reason you haven't seen an explanation of what to do if you don't pass is that there isn't one. I feel that each and every one of us is likely to end up with something about our appearance that we are uncomfortable with but that is part of being a woman and being constantly fed impossible beauty standards.  I agree with Izzy in that passing has very little to do with the effects hormones have on your body and a great deal more to do with internal acceptance. Have a read through the 10 years on thread for some longer term perspectives.

Rosie

[RosieD]

^^^ until you get cat called "->-bleeped-<-!"

Seriously, do people really believe this wishful thinking nonsense?

And should you be called by that or any other slur you deal with it, there and then. There is no wishful thinking to what Izzy said, just a deeper awareness of how things work than you seem to have. Tying your satisfaction with yourself to how closely you resemble externally imposed and impossible beauty standards is just as toxic for us as it is for cis women.

Rosie

[MikaylaGC]

Mikayla

Wow your reaction to hrt is quite different to mine.  My dysphoria just stopped with hrt, no urge to cross dress or to fully transition.  I now am in a much better emotional space, life is richer and relationship with myself and with others feel more meaningful.  Emotionally I am happy, comfortable and at peace.  The incessant noise and self talk has stopped which is a very good thing.

I like the slowly feminising effects of low dose hrt and I am trying to find an A or GQ presentation that works for me as my mind is running well ahead of physical changes and I am definitely comfortable with the emotional changes from hormonal brain re-mapping.

I am enjoying the journey but am not prescriptive as to destination as I have already arrived in a much better place.

Safe travels

Aisla

Well, tbh by that I meant that as far as my need for wanting to get out there and be accepted as a woman, has probably worsened because basically I believe in the turtle attitude of slow and steady wins the race and I dont wish to go "full time" until Ive been on HRT etc for at least a year or more. I'm trying to do it from perspective in a sensible fashion, but horses for courses I dont judge too hard ppl who wanna just jump in etc. But I'm just impatient lol.
But I'd like to mention I do love the changes that are happening to me and that I'm feeling on the inside, I guess its one of those funny dualities that exists in this universe and really the more I think about it, its prolly just me being impatient, being part of the generation now syndrome I have. I'm guessing I'm not the only one though that feels the joy of changing, but the hurt of still not being exactly who I want to be 'right now'. Patience is something I'm working on.

[Heather]

^^^ until you get cat called "->-bleeped-<-!"

Seriously, do people really believe this wishful thinking nonsense?

Um yes some of us do! To be honest if somebody ever called me a ->-bleeped-<- it would not ruin my day I'm a lot stronger than that. But then again I've never had anybody call me a ->-bleeped-<- to my face even before I could pass. I don't think your speaking from experience of being out in public.

[Evelyn K]

And should you be called by that or any other slur you deal with it, there and then. There is no wishful thinking to what Izzy said, just a deeper awareness of how things work than you seem to have. Tying your satisfaction with yourself to how closely you resemble externally imposed and impossible beauty standards is just as toxic for us as it is for cis women.

Rosie

Right. Let's see how long that internalized satisfaction lasts when cis world venom is constantly being shouted at you.

[Evelyn K]

Um yes some of us do! To be honest if somebody ever called me a ->-bleeped-<- it would not ruin my day I'm a lot stronger than that. But then again I've never had anybody call me a ->-bleeped-<- to my face even before I could pass. I don't think your speaking from experience of being out in public.

I'm not talking about those who actually pass.

[Evelyn K]

I should have prefaced what I wrote as me lashing out at my own shortcomings as well.

I am very sorry. I don't mean to trigger anyone.

Going to log out for awhile.

[Heather]

I'm not talking about those who actually pass.

I'm just saying I went out long before I could pass and before I was on hrt. And I was never called names sure they're was some stares and some laughter but nothing I wasn't expecting. And yes while I do pass now it wasn't always the case and I had to go through many months of not passing before I could pass. I started off just like everybody else and make no mistake about it even if I couldn't pass I would still be out there living as myself.

I should have prefaced what I wrote as me lashing out at my own shortcomings as well.

I am very sorry. I don't mean to trigger anyone.

I'm sorry I wasn't triggered I over reacted a bit. But trust me I have been at that early stage and was scared out of my mind about passing. So I know how you feel and it doesn't last forever and you'll realize it's ok that pass or not it's about being true to yourself.

[RosieD]

Right. Let's see how long that internalized satisfaction lasts when cis world venom is constantly being shouted at you.

It has held up well for the last fourteen months,  which is how long I have been full time.  There has been no venom.

Rosie

[kelly_aus]

Passing is being comfortable in ones own body and does not care what others might think.

Loosing the fear is truly the key.

Luck
Izzy

^^^ until you get cat called "->-bleeped-<-!"

Seriously, do people really believe this wishful thinking nonsense?

Izzy has it right.. It's not nonsense at all. Nor is it wishful thinking.

[JulieBlair]

What other people think about me isn't really my business.  Maybe it is where I live, maybe I do blend in ok.  IDK, nobody has clocked me in about a year.  I do make an effort to look as feminine as I can, and I'm mostly within the normal female range size wise, but I don't think I look that much like a girl really.  What people respond to I think, is that I think I'm a woman, so I act as such, and smile a lot when I feel pretty.  What seems to be the case is that because I behave with confidence, and because I believe it, even if the presentation is thin, there is a question.  I am pretty androgynous, always polite, almost always pretty friendly.  That is what gets reacted to.  Being older takes off the pressure some also, as Patty alludes to.

Ya know, what I think it is? I'm happy with me, and that is an attractor.  Back in the day when I wanted to die, nobody wanted to get close, now they do.  The difference is how I see the world, the people I interact with, and myself.  I pass when I think I pass. People are loathe to break the spell of optimism, and so even if I am read, it isn't responded to with invective.

I hope this is true, because for me it works.   

Julie

[Jennygirl]

Passing is being comfortable in ones own body and does not care what others might think.

Loosing the fear is truly the key.

Luck
Izzy

^^^ THIS!

"Passing" to yourself is the most important part of all. The rest is icing on the cake

[Ltl89]

there seems to be an infinite amount of discussion about "passing" with no answers or solutions. I'm going on the miracle 7 th  month of HRT. This is supposed to be the month where a lot of transitioners  learn their possible fate of needing FFS or what ever means to be able to blend in enough not to be stoned to death. Sometimes  the progress is slower and you won't know for a few years. I'm just totally at a loss as to what to do if after a few years you don't make the cut on being" passible ". Like  Your dysphoria doesn't go away with partial dose. Now. your stuck in limbo looking half male and have female. I'm just confused as to the solution. Do you give up transition and find a way of surviving another day. Do you plow ahead and be damned with what others think be it cis or trans . It's obviously going to be rough to choose to ignore public perception. I don't know the answer, I just don't think I've heard a solution to this predicament since being on Susan's for 7 months.    I myself won't know for awhile whether or not I'll need to where a full body burka . All I know is that I can't go back to the life I was living pre HRT. It would be nice to have a more accepting world community.

Everyone has different views on passing.  To me it means almost everything.  It's shallow, superficial and many other things, but I'm being honest.  I care about my ability to pass and I will do whatever it takes for me to feel comfortable with my appearance.  Having said all that, I'm also someone that has a lot of fears.  Someone that doesn't actually experience life the way she would like to because she makes passing the be all and end all.  The people out there living get out sooner than I do because they are comfortable with themselves.  They may be clocked or not, but maybe it doesn't matter to them the way it does for me.  There is no one choice or path.  Both are valid and have their pros and cons.  Everyone has to do what's right for them.  Find how you feel and proceed the way that's best for you.

^^^ until you get cat called "->-bleeped-<-!"

Seriously, do people really believe this wishful thinking nonsense?

I've dealt with being called a ->-bleeped-<-.  It sucks.  For me, that is why passing is important.  It allows me the ability to be true to myself while blending.  I don't have to feel the judgement of society upon me.  Then again, those with a strong sense of inner confidence don't let these things drag them down.  They take those comments for what they are and continue living their days happily and free.  Meanwhile, I obsess over my looks crying that I can't live the life that I want until a certain point.  There are tradeoffs to both paths and one has to know there own comfort levels and inner strength.  I know passing and that standard is important for me, but those who don't focus on it and let it dictate their lives are probably much happier than I am, at least in the short term.