Confusion, misgender, questions about transitioning

[VaultOfHeaven]

Hey, it's been a while since I'm back here again. I'm still a female before anything, not even coming out. Although I wear like a male and intentionally act so, which makes it hard for life actually. But I don't plan to change, I've been wearing the way I am before I realized it, and it felt pathetic and and such a hassle to try to fit in society's roles. One has the right to be who they are, aren't they. Sometimes I'm mistook for a guy and that made me happy but other times I'm being pointed and/or laughed at. And I don't fancy being called a Tomboy either, I think it's the term describing a girl who looks like a guy, so basically a girl. Even now, I can't tell for sure, whether I'm a guy or not, I do have feminine characters but I have masculine characters, and it doesn't help that my sexuality is pretty ambiguous too. In my last topic, people told me it's not that what makes you a gender or another, I think they're right, I guess I was labeling things in the way society does. What I know is, even unconsciously, I feel hurt when referred to as a girl and feel proud/good when I'm referred to as a guy, no, mostly when I'm complimented with masculine traits like strong, I have to say masculine trait because I'd only feel good like that when I feel like I'm looked at as a guy. I don't feel that good when someone complimented me for being a "strong girl". When they mistook me for a male, though, I got really nervous and was afraid to speak out because they'd know that is no alto voice, something like that.

I said didn't come out but I did tell my sister, only her, I trusted her very much. The thing happened is that one day when she's at our cousin's house, and my cousin called her up and ask if I though of myself as a guy to which my sister approved. Although I kinda freaked out, I was quite pleased to hear from my sister that my cousin seemed like she accepted me and told her about another of your relative supposedly a lesbian.
But yesterday, we came to eat at our grandmother's house, my cousin was there. And I noticed her lumping me with being a female twice. I can't help but wonder why, now that she knew and sounded accepting before, she'd do that. Well, even my sister had insulted me by insisting that "You're a girl." It hurts very much when they actually know what I feel. And I can't help but think maybe my cousin though she can rearrange me sexually which really pissed me off. I feel like I shouldn't have told anyone without knowledge about the matter about who I am. I'm guessing, though, most of you had been misgendered before? I'd like to hear your stories too, to know I'm not alone in this.

I live in a country where sex change is not very developed, or new. Maybe not for FTM, I've heard stories of MTF going to Thailand and stuffs. At first I though I'd like to keep nature as it is and stay with a female body, that it doesn't really matter, but slowly I began to see that maybe going through with the transition is not such a bad idea.
I've read a little about the health outcomes of the operations, but I though I want to hear from you guys as well, how bad is it?
So what I know is that you can take T, and then do top and bottom surgery, right? But in order to do that you have to be confirmed as an FTM or something? Please tell me more about this. Where can an FTM start off? Where did you start off and how did it go?Are you happy with your change?
As I said I live in a country that kind of ignorant to this, so I have no idea where to go or what to do in order to achieve this.
I'm still living from the expanse of my parents, I'd like to use my own money to do this, though, so it might take a while. And I'm thinking the operation is expensive right?
And where is the best country, place to do these operations?
And if I do transgender, I'd want to do a bottom surgery too, I want to know how real of a male sexual organ can you get. I've read some about this too but they sound complicated and seem like you can never get something very close to the real one. And you can't have an erection. And if so, how can you wear a strap on now to perform sexual intercourse, with your organ in the way? If you did this surgery, how do you feel about it?
And all in all how real of a male body can you get through this? Do you guys feel like a real guy now?
Thanks in advance, I'm still new to all this.

[blink]

Sorry you're being misgendered. It's always uncomfortable, but it's worse coming from someone who you thought knew better.

It's hard to give specific advice about where/how you can get started transitioning, not knowing which country you're in, the laws there, which countries you'd be able to travel to, etc. I can give some general information, hopefully it will be useful to you.

Different people approach transition in different ways. Not everyone gets surgery, for example. Some people only get hormones. Some people get surgery, but no hormones. Some people get hormones, top surgery, a hysterectomy (removal of the female reproductive system - required for most kinds of bottom surgery) but no bottom surgery. Some people get hormones, top surgery, hysterectomy, and bottom surgery. You hopefully get the idea - these are all options and not everyone goes for every option.

The order people do things is different too. Some people get on hormones first, then surgery. Some people get surgery first (I got top surgery before going on testosterone). Some places/surgeons require things in a specific order, others don't.

Whether you have to be "confirmed" or formally diagnosed with gender dysphoria depends a lot on where you live, and the laws there. In some places, you can get surgery and/or hormones on "informed consent" - basically signing a lot of paperwork saying you understand the risks and want to go through with it. In other places you have to get a letter from at least one psychiatrist stating that you have gender dysphoria and hormones/surgery is the appropriate treatment.

There isn't really a "best" place to get surgery. It depends on the individual's needs and preferences. One person might think a surgeon's results are great, and another might not like them and want a different surgeon. Cost varies too, some people's insurance pays for some or all of surgery/hormones, while others have to pay entirely out of pocket. Some surgeons charge more than others for the same procedure, and some procedures cost more than others.

Be wary, there is a lot of misinformation about bottom surgery for FTMs. A lot of people have heard out-of-date, or inaccurate information, and spread it unknowingly. It isn't true that bottom surgery never allows for erections. There are two basic kinds of bottom surgery for FTMs, metoidioplasty and phalloplasty, although there are multiple variations of both procedures.

Testosterone causes the clitoris to grow bigger. Metoidioplasty uses this. This article explains it better than I can, and talks about some variations on metoidioplasty:  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metoidioplasty
The penis resulting from a metoidioplasty can generally achieve erections on its own. The final size depends mostly on how much "growth" resulted from testosterone. Some FTMs use DHT cream applied directly, and/or "pumping" to achieve more growth - some surgeons recommend these things before metoidioplasty.

Phalloplasty uses tissue taken from elsewhere on the body. Within certain limits, mostly due to where the tissue is taken from, a guy can choose approximately how large the final result will be. There is an option with phalloplasty to make erections possible. They can implant erectile rods. Not everyone who gets phalloplasty chooses to get the erectile implant, but it is possible, so a penis resulting from phalloplasty can achieve erection too.
Again here's an article with more information: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phalloplasty
A common bit of misinformation about phalloplasty is that the result doesn't have erotic sensation. This isn't true, a lot of FTMs who get phalloplasty have erotic sensation afterwards.