Focus on how you feel, not how you look!

[brianna1016]

This has really helped me lately. Its not that I'm unsatisfied with how I look, but I often spend too much time focusing on the physical aspect of transition. The inner emotional aspect is so nice

[Jason C]

I agree. I find this particularly useful to remember when it comes to passing. Yes, I want to pass, but I'm not going to make myself uncomfortable or unhappy or stressed out to do it. If whatever you're doing makes you feel good, that's the important thing.

[Androgynous_Machine]

Meh, I'm going to be the bad girl here.

While I'm pretty sure transmen feel the same way, but I'm not one so I can't speak for them.  But for transwomen "passing" isn't something held in vain at least for me.  Our appearance is so important because being able to go to the store without someone yelling "->-bleeped-<-got" across the parking lot is nice.  Being able to sit at restaurants and get treated like any other woman instead of the police removing you from the place is nice.  Being able to go to a non-alternative bar without getting assaulted for being trans is nice.  To not get turned away from stores is nice.  To not get refused service from beauty shoppes and salons is nice.

I think transmen have a much easier time in the way of passing.  My supposition on this is based on the fact that society at large puts huge pressures on women--and not men--in the way of appearance.  Transwomen are in no way immune to this and are even put under more scrutiny than ciswomen.

The proof is in the pudding, a fat man is treated infinitely better than a fat woman.   It is better to be an ugly guy than it is to be an ugly woman. etc.

So when people get on their soap box and say passing isn't important, I say bullocks.  Passing makes every aspect of life 10,000 times better in every quantifiable way.

I'm not trying to downplay the emotional and psychological importance of transition, not one bit.  But that part of transition of me doesn't even begin to pay out benefits until the physical transition comes to fruition.

-AM

[@Diana]

agreed with Androgynous_Machine , men & women are treated differently imo

appearance is very important .. if you look good , then you feel good

[mandonlym]

I agree that they're mutually reinforcing but the value of confidence cannot be undervalued. This is more from my experience as a femmy gay boy than as trans but back then, I dressed up in all sorts of things but had the confidence to pull them off. Of course, I was in a liberal area and that can't be underestimated either, and also a queer-positive upbringing.

[Ryan55]

i do agree passing is important but I can understand passing is more than just looks, its a self accepting thing and being like yeah this is me. I do feel though that it is easier for ftms than mtfs, T gives us transmen a lot of changes, and we don't need to go through as many surgeries to look like a guy (our bottom surgery isnt as good as mtfs though), also society I think is more accepting of will say females dressing like guys or looking "butchy" and doing male type things, i cant say I ever feared for my life or had anyone call me names, I know for mtfs this must be hard, especially beginning transition, I know people can be rude and yeah shout ->-bleeped-<- or point at "the guy in the dress", it just sucks we live in a close minded society, but good news is, more people are becoming accepting as the younger generation grows up, all of my friends are cool and supportive and can give two ->-bleeped-<-s lol its the parents that have a harder time

[@Diana]

i do agree passing is important but I can understand passing is more than just looks, its a self accepting thing and being like yeah this is me. I do feel though that it is easier for ftms than mtfs, T gives us transmen a lot of changes, and we don't need to go through as many surgeries to look like a guy (our bottom surgery isnt as good as mtfs though), also society I think is more accepting of will say females dressing like guys or looking "butchy" and doing male type things, i cant say I ever feared for my life or had anyone call me names, I know for mtfs this must be hard, especially beginning transition, I know people can be rude and yeah shout ->-bleeped-<- or point at "the guy in the dress", it just sucks we live in a close minded society, but good news is, more people are becoming accepting as the younger generation grows up, all of my friends are cool and supportive and can give two ->-bleeped-<-s lol its the parents that have a harder time

totally agreed Ryan, well said mate (am trying to talk like real Aussie lol) . and from what i saw & heard on FTM youtube vids, they have amazing manly voice ! wow ! dont need to go to Yeson lol 

[brianna1016]

agreed with Androgynous_Machine , men & women are treated differently imo

appearance is very important .. if you look good , then you feel good

That's very true but it can also be the opposite. For example there are some days when I really don't like the way I look, but if I switch gears and focus on other things, I feel better. And later on I'll sometimes catch a glimpse of myself and realize that I look amazing!

The point I was originally trying to make had nothing to do with whether  looking good was important or not; of course it's important. Especially for trans* people. It's just that sometimes we forget about what's happening inside. Some of us have spent decades trying to portray a false personality and now that we have our chance to be our true selves, it's very nice to be able to explore those feelings. Clearing our minds of thoughts and beliefs that are left over from our previous lives.

The more I allow my speech, my body language, my mannerisms and my vibes to come through, the better I feel, and thus, the better I look.

[Joan]

Very true words indeed! I need to work on making that mind shift on the bad days (*^o^*)

[brianna1016]

So when people get on their soap box and say passing isn't important, I say bullocks.  Passing makes every aspect of life 10,000 times better in every quantifiable way.



-AM

In my experience the most physically attractive / physically passable transwomen I've met are almost always insecure, paranoid, narcissistic, shallow, and just plain boring. They don't smile or laugh all that much either.

No, it's not always the case, but usually it is.

[Felix]

As long as nobody notices how different I am, I feel pretty good. I love not getting threatened with rape or death. I especially like when the police don't detain me. I look like a coddled college kid, and getting treated like one is pretty awesome. I feel like a million dollars when I'm able to walk down the street without anyone staring at me.

Which is to say, I agree wholeheartedly with half of what you said and wholeheartedly with the other half too, but with qualifiers in most situations.