UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Umiko]

so today wasnt a good day at all. it started like every other morning, i get up get dressed eat than i go whatever. my mother and i had a conversation and i noticed things about myself i havent payed attention to becuz its instinctive. so blah blah skipping, i was walking to dunkin doughnuts and i saw this group of girls laughing having fun. my dysphoria decides to kick my butt and run into hyperdrive which knocked me over so much i wanted to vomit. i came home and an hour later, i nearly broke down crying hysterical. some please tell me this is going to get better becuz  dont know how much more pain i can take. i've had to survive my entire life but this just takes the cake in killing my will 

[Rachel]

Sorry you are in the grips of dysphoria. I know how it feels and it hurts like no other pain. I read some of your posts and are you still seeing the therapist? Are you considering HRT?

[Umiko]

i'm seriously considering it but my therapist wants me to take it step by step. i'm going to a LBGT but my therapist says he'll go with me so we need to find a time we are both available. like seriously, if i didnt have my therapist right now, i might as well be in a pine box. this is the extent on how lost and confuse i am

[Rachel]

I have been there and I know your pain. Suicide is not the answer. I know for me HRT changed my life. My dysphoria is manageable now. The medications I needed were a very big deal for me to get to the point to finally ask and then taking them. After 11 months I am so glad I started on the path. I hope you can find rest from the dysphoria and if it gets to the point where you are going to do something crazy get help.

[Umiko]

crazy is my middle name but i understand. i just hate the fact i waited so long and decided to journey forth in a time where my life is literally a living hell hole. but these bouts have giving me new found knowledge and a clearer picture of my life so i'm happy becuz of that but the pain i could do without.

[HoneyStrums]

do you present as girl at the moment? and do you have a freind or family member your out to? Because you could think about going shopping with them  and  getting to getting together for make overs and stuff might help the time go by and give you somthing thats not so far away to look forward too.

[Umiko]

i only wear my stuff under my clothes but when i start transitioning i'll slowly add more and more but if i go to fast than well i'll end up like i did today. i'm not out becuz to tell you the truth, i'm completely alone in this though a few people know. i dont really have friends so really, its a sad life but it has to be done. maybe i'll make new friends in my LGBT group meetings

[Blue Rabbit]

Pain is temporary, it may last days, months or even years. But eventually it will subside and something else will take it's place.

What your going through sucks, I'm at a similar stage. However with the right help that you've already mentioned you're getting and seeking out. Eventually the pain will subside and you just might get to a stage in your life where you've never been happier.

It'll be worth it.

[@Diana]

i'm seriously considering it but my therapist wants me to take it step by step. i'm going to a LBGT but my therapist says he'll go with me so we need to find a time we are both available. like seriously, if i didnt have my therapist right now, i might as well be in a pine box. this is the extent on how lost and confuse i am

wow sounds like your therapist is so nice !

[Umiko]

wow sounds like your therapist is so nice !

my therapist is the best! i use to hate therapy i cant say that now. i find myself up at nights longing for the week to be over and saturday to role in though my therapist tends to be thorough in the process so i might take longer than i want but its worth it in the end.

Pain is temporary, it may last days, months or even years. But eventually it will subside and something else will take it's place.

What your going through sucks, I'm at a similar stage. However with the right help that you've already mentioned you're getting and seeking out. Eventually the pain will subside and you just might get to a stage in your life where you've never been happier.

It'll be worth it.

i know. pain is small to me but this type of pain knocks the wind out of me. who knew. dysphoria i hate you and love you at the same time!