Talking to Mom looking for info?

[Lost in L]

So this saturday ill be talking to my mom. I already thought it over a lot and talked to my therapist about it. My therapist said it might be a good idea to give her some websites with information on them that would be good. Transgender maybe mtf... I don't know any that would be good, I'm thinking not this site as Ive posted my story on here and it would be obvious to her.... Any ideas? Thanks friends!

[AnneB]

Write a letter to her, spell out how you've felt, and for how long, and that you have reeeeeeeeally searched for answers.  You are not jumping into this decision lightly, you have counsel guiding you.

Reading it from the letter, your mind will stay focused and not try to interject things that may not help or seem relevant.  Write it, read it to your therapist first, get tips to put in, leave out.  It can make a big difference in staying focused. And on track.

I wish you luck.  Hugs!

Paula

[Lost in L]

Thanks Paula! That's actually what I did with my therapist yesterday. So I guess that was the right thing. I'm letting her know what's up and that I'm not jumping in, I'm still evaluating everything. Definetly transgender, just not sure at the moment how much so? As a lot of things exploded at once....

[Ltl89]

I remember going on Pflag and planning on using what they had on their site.  Since it is written with significant other's in mind, it may be a good idea for you.  MY therapist also recommended a book called "true selves".  She wasn't the biggest fan, but she said it has digestable info for family.   There is also a book called "transitions of the heart" which is written by mother's of transgender children.  I have yet to read it, though I will get to it soon, but I've heard good things.  That may be a good idea.  Sort of a mother's story to another mother. 

Good luck with everything.  I did the same thing as you and prepared a lot ahead of time.  While none of that really helped me win my mother over and help her accept it, all of that work allowed me to emotionally guide myself into doing it.  Don't forget about yourself in the process as it helps to be emotionally strong and confident at this time. In any case, I really hope everything goes well and that she is both understanding and compassionate. Please also remember that everyone is here for you at this time.  Good luck. 

[AnneB]

That's good, I terribly goofed when I told mom.  I didn't have anything written down I totally winged it and it didn't go well. I did send her True Selves so I hope she found what this all means to me. She is not supportive either, I expected more, but I hope she will understand, in time.  I hope you keep your family.

Hugs,

Paula

[Ltl89]

That's good, I terribly goofed when I told mom.  I didn't have anything written down I totally winged it and it didn't go well. I did send her True Selves so I hope she found what this all means to me. She is not supportive either, I expected more, but I hope she will understand, in time.  I hope you keep your family.

Hugs,

Paula

That reminds me of another thing.  Coming out is very much a process.  Many of us see it as an event or moment in time, but it continues well after the initial disclosure.  It's a process and people take time to digest it.  My mom went from threatening to kick me out, have me kidnapped and exorcised by the church to going back to the mom I used to have.  Still overly cautious about everything and dead set against it, but she's compassionate about her child and doesn't stand in the way.  Time can heal.  That's the best warning I can give anyone about to come out.  Allow for there to be a grieving process and for them to really absorb it.

[Lost in L]

Thanks everyone. I'm really confidant about talking to her I've done it effectively 4 times to friends already. I know this will be Ali different so I'm going to try and go slower than with my friends. I don't know what to expect but I don't think it will go bad. I'm going to let her know that I'm just learning right now nothing has been set in stone. Just let her know what's been going on.

Paula sorry to hear about your mom. "I hope you keep your family" that made me sad to think about. I'm going to be strong in this, and make my own hope. Thank you though. I think I remember my mom say that she had wished for a daughter at some point.... I have an older brother who is definetly the opposite of me. I really want this to turn in to an opportunity for us to be closer. For some reason I've never easily been able to tell her I love you.  Maybe a life long feel of not being in the right connection with my mom... Idk...I feel that will change saturday.

Learningtolive I just looked at the pflag site and it looks like a ton of info I will definetly let her look at. I'm just worried after I talk to her she might start googling up stuff and get really worried or some thing. And I'm planning on telling her if she needs me ill be open the whole day. I feel I have to delay mothers day... unless it goes really well.

I'll also be able to tell her I joined an awesome community of people going through many stages of the same thing. Thanks everyone! I'll try and put a post up some where before I go over to her or after or both. I got a feeling my heart will be crazy then...

[Ltl89]

Thanks everyone. I'm really confidant about talking to her I've done it effectively 4 times to friends already. I know this will be Ali different so I'm going to try and go slower than with my friends. I don't know what to expect but I don't think it will go bad. I'm going to let her know that I'm just learning right now nothing has been set in stone. Just let her know what's been going on.

Paula sorry to hear about your mom. "I hope you keep your family" that made me sad to think about. I'm going to be strong in this, and make my own hope. Thank you though. I think I remember my mom say that she had wished for a daughter at some point.... I have an older brother who is definetly the opposite of me. I really want this to turn in to an opportunity for us to be closer. For some reason I've never easily been able to tell her I love you.  Maybe a life long feel of not being in the right connection with my mom... Idk...I feel that will change saturday.

Learningtolive I just looked at the pflag site and it looks like a ton of info I will definetly let her look at. I'm just worried after I talk to her she might start googling up stuff and get really worried or some thing. And I'm planning on telling her if she needs me ill be open the whole day. I feel I have to delay mothers day... unless it goes really well.

I'll also be able to tell her I joined an awesome community of people going through many stages of the same thing. Thanks everyone! I'll try and put a post up some where before I go over to her or after or both. I got a feeling my heart will be crazy then...

I'm really glad it's all going well so far, and I hope this does help you bring your family closer together as you hope.   Keep up the confident attitude, you've earned it after coming out to multiple people.  Again, I hope it all goes well. 

P.S.  I just love the mentality and attitude of someone looking to bring their family closer at this time. 

[Lost in L]

I just had to say here that it went really well. She isn't familiar with everything but I explained everything clearly. I spent most of the day with her. I was unfortunately reminded why I talked to her.  I offered to help her grocery shop and take her out to eat, and well my dsyphoria was really high the rest of the day... I felt horrible at the end of the day. But Im so glad I still have me mom! So much! And excited that ill be moving out of my brothers house and in with her.