Breaking Cliches / Ruth Ruthless
It's time to break some cliches
Like the one that you can't be loved
or love someone
as long as you hate yourself
Loving someone
and being loved
doesn't stop me from hating myself
and hating myself
doesn't stop me
from loving or being loved
I am not a woman
to be with men
I am a woman
because that's what I am
I am not becoming a woman
I am a woman
I am changing my body
to better reflect who I am
I tell people I am attracted to women
always have been
and they always tell me...
then why didn't you stay a man?
I was never a man
I was always a woman
I am changing my body
to better reflect who I am
Identity and sexual attraction
are two seperate things
I am not a barbie girl
I am a tom boy
but even as a tom boy,
I am a woman
Sometimes I might put on some makeup
Sometimes I might put on a dress
but most of the time
I want to wear non-gendered clothes
or loosely female clothes
and I wish that my face would scream woman
so that people would see who I am
no matter what I wear
When you're born female
you can usually wear whatever you want
and people will still see a woman
When you're born male
you have to do everything you can
and it still won't be enough
people will still see a man
The women born as female get to be gray
The women born as male? No way
And right now there are people
who no matter what I do
they will never see a woman
and there are people
who no matter what I do
will always see a woman
Which makes me wonder
how much does it matter
what body I have?
The color and shape of my hair?
The clothes that I choose to wear?
For the people who don't see a woman
It's either too much - a costume
or I'm not trying hard enough
For the people who see a woman
they see me as a woman
even when I'm naked
and I'd like to say
F*** those people who don't see a woman
but even if I say that
it still hurts
and I still care
because identity does not exist
when it's invisible
All I can do is try not to hear
the people who don't see a woman
The voices in my head
say that more than enough
So even though it is hard
to stop hating myself
because my body just doesn't fit me
I will try not to listen
to hate from outside
I will cry through the pain
of the hate from inside
and continue to love
and be loved
even while hating myself
It's time to break some cliches
and observe the complexity of life
and the shades of gray
between our artificial categories
