The thing I dreaded the most had to come true

[suzifrommd]

It seems like forever, but it was only a few months ago I was wringing my hands because there was no one to help me at my surgeon's recovery facility after my SRS in June.

The one thing EVERYONE who's been to my surgeon seems to agree on is that I can't be in her facility alone. I'd be just a few days post-op. Someone needs to be there to help me.

I breathed a heavy sigh a couple months ago when my son agreed to stay with me for the five days. Of course in the back of my mind was the awareness that there was no plan B - if he backed out there was NO ONE else and I would be completely high and dry. But of course, life is about uncertainty, and you have to learn to trust the people around you.

Right?

Wrong.

I got the call tonight that I've dreaded since he agreed. He can't do it. He's been offered a summer job, but its for the whole summer, and he won't get time off for this. He can't make it.

Once more, I'm finding myself visited by visions of lying alone, incapacitated, and in pain.

But I don't know what bothers me more - that image, or how it must reflect on the way I've lived, that none of the people in my life even care.

[Ms Grace]

I'm sorry to hear that Suzi.
If I was in your neck of the woods I'd offer but the US is a bit out of my commute zone. Hopefully someone else will come through for you.

[HoneyStrums]

if had the assets id bed sit for everyone i could. sadly woder woman cant fly.

but i like to think in some small way here i am a part of everyone life and its no actual help but i still care.

[Jenna Marie]

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry. I hope it's not actually that no one cares.

I'll say, having done the same thing but in a foreign country, that you *can* get by alone. It's not ideal, and I can't imagine it's anyone's first choice, but there were women there and friends I've known since who managed fine on their own.

Still, I hope someone comes through for you.

[Nero]

Oh hon. I'm so sorry. I hope you find a replacement. Is it possible you could hold off until you do?

[AnneB]

Growing up in DC somehow makes me have an affinity for those living "nearby", if I still lived there, and had the time available, I would be there for you, but sadly, I'm in the Desert, not the District anymore.  I hope you can find someone for support !  Hugs, sis

Paula

[Donna Elvira]

Hi Suzi,
First of all, I'm really sorry to hear that you find yourself in this position and hope you quickly find a solution.

As it happens I'll be doing GRS myself this summer too, miles away from home in Thaïland. I'll be going there alone and in my own case at least, I prefer it that way than having someone close to me involved.

This is all the easier to do as post-operative care is part of the package and this leads me to a question, does your surgeon provide no post-operative care in the recovery facility? If this is the case, I'd really suggest you rethink the choice of surgeon as in the first 10 - 14 days, you really want to have professionals looking after you and teaching you how to look after yourself.

If it's more about having company I'd just like to share my thoughts. I have already done two major surgeries since 2011, upper face FFS and lower face FFS, in both cases more than 7 hours of surgery leaving me battered, bruised and very tired for a good week afterwards.

In both cases, I went alone and just had a nurse come around once a day to help me with some of the after care, do a little shopping and keep me company for a while. Otherwise, I was initially just so tired that having someone else around would have been more of a hassle than a help and I was actually happy to be alone. I used Skype to stay in touch with my wife and a few friends and that was perfect for me. Basically I'll be doing the same thing in Bangkok but can also expect to meet other girls in the hotel once I've gotten over the initial recovery period.

In my mind, the very intimate nature of GRS, with huge symbolic content, adds an extra level of complexity and I just couldn't imagine one of my kids being with me for such surgery. When we transition we already make huge demands on our offspring who have to completely rethink the way the see their father, their male role model. Asking them to participate closely in a step like GRS sounds like a huge call to me and looking at it from a distance I think that you may yet come to see that your son's unavailabilty might well be a blessing in disguise regarding the quality of your relationship going forward.

So, getting back to the practical side of your present situation as you will obviously need post surgical assistance, what exactly does you surgeon provide and if you feel it is not enough, have you any means of getting some extra assistance even if it means paying for someone?

Hugs
Donna

     

[suzifrommd]

So, getting back to the practical side of your present situation as you will obviously need post surgical assistance, what exactly does you surgeon provide and if you feel it is not enough, have you any means of getting some extra assistance even if it means paying for someone?

The facility is upstairs from her practice. She will come in and check on me every day. There also is a nurse during office hours who can come up and help me with something in an emergency if I call down with my cell.

But I have been told both by her office and by others who've been there that I really need someone with me.

The idea of bringing in someone from some sort of agency is terrifying. The last thing I want to when I'm in pain and incapacitated is to deal with someone who isn't doing their job or who proves to be untrustworthy in some way. If someone else were there to deal with that sort of thing, I'd consider it (but then I wouldn't need someone).

[Donna Elvira]

Suzi,
Sorry to insist a bit but do you have details of the post-surgery care?  ie. stuff like this :http://www.chet-plasticsurgery.com/?page_id=8021 , this http://www.chet-plasticsurgery.com/?page_id=8050 and this http://www.chet-plasticsurgery.com/?page_id=707

The reason I ask is because up until the time the packing and catheter are removed and you have learnt to do your dilations correctly, you will need close assistance from competent personnel.

In the days immediately after surgery you apparently  do have someone available during office hours but no one at night. Will no one even be on call or looking in on you from time to time?

If the answer is negative, I can understand why they would want you to have someone with you just to be safe but beyond that do you know what you're helper is supposed to do? Being more precise about this may help you find a solution to your dilemma.

Best regards.
Donna

[mrs izzy]

Now I wish I was still living in Maryland.

Recovery normally is not the big scared monster. Yes it is uncomfortable and yes painful but not 100% bed rest. I was up and about (hall laps) the next day. Walking stars to my room at the residence day 3.

I can see to have someone around more for your mental being and to run and get munchies lol.

There is no one in the forum that lives close that can stop by. I do it all the time here in Montreal when I know someone is traveling alone. More just for that outside contact is nice away from the resident drama that happens sometime.

I so wish you the best Suzie. I know it is a un known but you will be fine.

Hugs
Izzy

[suzifrommd]

Suzi,
Sorry to insist a bit but do you have details of the post-surgery care?  ie. stuff like this :http://www.chet-plasticsurgery.com/?page_id=8021 , this http://www.chet-plasticsurgery.com/?page_id=8050 and this http://www.chet-plasticsurgery.com/?page_id=707

The reason I ask is because up until the time the packing and catheter are removed and you have learnt to do your dilations correctly, you will need close assistance from competent personnel.

In the days immediately after surgery you apparently  do have someone available during office hours but no one at night. Will no one even be on call or looking in on you from time to time?

If the answer is negative, I can understand why they would want you to have someone with you just to be safe but beyond that do you know what you're helper is supposed to do? Being more precise about this may help you find a solution to your dilemma.

Best regards.
Donna

I will have detailed instructions for post surgery care. I will be in the hospital for three days and then for the next five, someone will look in on me once a day.

The helper would be someone to help get food and clean up after meals, to bring me things when I need them, to help me keep track of my things, etc. I would not expect them to do medical stuff. The people I've talked to who've used this surgeon all believe they would have had a much easier time with someone else in the recovery center (none of them did, all regretted it).

[Adam (birkin)]

I'm sorry to hear the bad news. as others have said, if I were able to be there with you I would be. It's not something I would want anyone to experience without a friend or family member present. I wish I had something more useful to say, but I wanted to respond so you know I am thinking of you.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

I share the same sentiments as with everyone else here, suzi.  I wish you the best of luck and I hope things turn out okay.  Sorry I can't be of much help.

[Donna Elvira]

I will have detailed instructions for post surgery care. I will be in the hospital for three days and then for the next five, someone will look in on me once a day.

The helper would be someone to help get food and clean up after meals, to bring me things when I need them, to help me keep track of my things, etc. I would not expect them to do medical stuff. The people I've talked to who've used this surgeon all believe they would have had a much easier time with someone else in the recovery center (none of them did, all regretted it).

Hi again Suzi,
I don't want to labour the point but based on that input, a couple of hours of help a day during the 5 days in the residence should do the trick. Sure it could be an extra cost but it does sound doable and a bit like the assistance I got after FFS. Remember what Isabel said, after 3 days you should no longer be totally helpless.
Otherwise, if you are also looking for company, Skype is a really good solution and I have already done this with a couple of friends after their GRS, one in Canada and one in Thailand. As already mentioned, it will be my own link with near and dear a few months down the road.
I'd be happy to give you my own Skype ID and am sure you have other friends here who would also be delighted to pay you a visit!
Best regards.
Donna

[Vicky]

Suzi -- I went and visited with another girl out here on my coast a few weeks ago.  She DID use Skype to carry on some "company time" with her SO and her mom (neither of whom could  travel to the left coast)  until I could get there the day before she had her plumbing removed.  She even got me involved in the Skype stuff which I had never used before.  Sadly, non TG people do not "get" the surgery thing and what it means.  Even more sadly, they will not really give a damn or have much appreciation after we come home and get back to life.  Note my signature line.

I am 3 hours later than you are, but now that I have the capability of using it, I would also offer to let you hit me up on your night shift if needed.  I did have people with me, and I ended up wanting them out of my hair for most of my non-hospital recovery time, which luckily they were happy to oblige me on.  After 36 to 48 hours the worst of the pain is controllable by meds you can take yourself, and you may even feel like getting out of the bunk room for light exercise up to going out for a meal or two.   

[suzifrommd]

I can't believe it, just can't believe it.

My oldest and dearest friend agreed to stay with me for the week after surgery. I'm loved after all.

  Yay!    

I also need to take this opportunity to express my amazement and admiration at those people from this forum who considered traveling a long way to be with me.

You are amazingly generous souls.

[JamesG]

Whew! Off the hook. 

That's good news.

[Ms Grace]

Great news Suzi!

[Cindy]

Awesome news sis

[Eva Marie]

Yayyyy for good friends! I'm so happy for you Suzi!!!

And yes, you are loved by many; never think otherwise!