I finally went out as me for the first time. I was at home and asked the girls (wife and daughter, son still in bed 'cos the clock didn't say pm, teenagers!!!) if I should go do the weekly grocery shopping (my job!) as a female rather than male. They didn't care either way! Either they thought it wouldn't be an issue or it was my problem if it was - the second I think. We tend to assume we can all think for ourselves and can make our own choices, good or bad.
So off I trotted wigged up and to be honest, it was a bit of a nothing (as it should be). I really manufactured the hurdle in my head. It was nice to not have to hide breasts too. Wig needs styling too but I knew that. Next weekend for that. You know, after all these years, long hair is nice!!!
I know I am not unusual in this but many of the problems/hurdles/gates seem to arise from within. The other conclusion that this reinforced is I just don't care much if someone notices. The other thing that occurred to me was apart from the hair, every item of clothing I was wearing was made for women and what I wear anyway. Was anything different? No, I still felt it was just me, was right but with the added risk arising from finally stepping over an invisible line. Have to think about that a bit before my next therapy session. Been to therapy for a while now and have learnt to think about these things without relying on my therapist to raise them.
Time to get this moving along. I think I will be presenting as me everywhere except work from here on...and maybe think about starting the work process too.
