During my brief SRS aftercare crisis, several f caring, well-meaning friends suggested calling off surgery, currently 5½ weeks way, and change surgeons. I know these words came from a place of love and concern, but I need to express my strong opinion that suggesting someone go with a different surgeon is not something to do lightly.
If you know a fact about the surgeon they've chosen, by all means, share it.
But before you tell a woman to consider choosing a different surgeon, please consider:
* You will sow seeds of doubt. Influencing people is astonishingly easy. She will hear your suggestion in the back of her mind from this point forward. When she's being wheeled in the operating room, when she's lying post-op in angry pain, when she has a complication or needs a revision, she will remember your words and second-guess herself.
* Her criteria may not be the same as yours. For example, I chose my surgeon on the basis of proximity. I didn't want anyone I couldn't reach by car. If there was a problem, I wanted to know I could, at moment's notice, get into a car and be there quickly. Unlike many others here, the idea of going through this alone was (is) terrifying, and I thought it unlikely that any of my friends or family would accompany me on a trip to a distant place.
* She put thought into her choice. Suggesting that she might not have put in enough thought is a put-down of sorts. As someone who was generally an outcast throughout my childhood, I developed an unpleasant belief that everyone knew stuff that I didn't. Having people question my choice, implying they know something I don't is triggering.
