With a friend like this (WARNING SOME MAY FIND THIS OFFENSIVE)

[immortal gypsy]

I have this friend who is best described as the type of Australian that when he travels gives our whole nation a bad name. The great lould drunk obnoxious Australiuas yobbous, commonoly known as an Aussie yobbo. Sometimes he can be sweet, (recived a nice nail polish set) from him for christmas. Othertimes not so, (you have to go to mardi gras its the only time you get to be you. Wrong on so many levels also professionaly I grew up in hospitality mardi gras and St.Patricks day are the two days I avoid the city at all cost. I saw your weekends every night at work daily, he knows this).

Latley he has been sending me the odd ofensive text containing "jokes" about gender reassignment, and making snide comments that no matter how I present I am not a woman yet as I have not had the operation. Now normally I just totally ignore him not even bother to respond as thanks to work and other commitments we don't see much of each other any more and I know he is an idiot.

BUT today I recived a text that did hurt me (WARNING) it read quote "how dose it feel to win eurovision . Now he knows I stopped once before because of 'support' like this from him and others, while we don't see each other regulary we are part of the same friendship group so we do see each other, and he is part of my support group.

So what do I do? Continue on the path of passive resistance . Or confront him, and if so how? Because I feel I may one day I might be taking him out. (And no I'm not talking about dinner and a movie )

[Ms Grace]

Shut him down, tell him no friend who treats me like that remains a friend. Passive resistance seems to be giving him greater licence to be increasingly offensive and yobbish. If you don't tell him to pull his head in then he will never respect you for who you are.

(By "taking him out" I presume you mean metaphorically knocking his block off??)

[Cindy]

Oh I know him so well! Don't all Aussies?

I would reply to him very simply that you dislike homophobic and transphobic  stupid remarks. He will sit and stew and then probably apologise and offer to take you out for some drinks.

As you know these guys are usually harmless, just a bit dumb and trying to be ocker Aussie and not realising how dumb they are being.

[immortal gypsy]

By taking him out I presume you mean metaphorically knocking his block off??

Metaphorically oh yes most deffinatly.

[immortal gypsy]

Oh I know him so well! Don't all Aussies?

I would reply to him very simply that you dislike homophobic and transphobic  stupid remarks. He will sit and stew and then probably apologise and offer to take you out for some drinks.

As you know these guys are usually harmless, just a bit dumb and trying to be ocker Aussie and not realising how dumb they are being.

True I've found most of the Aussie males can be handled this way particulary ones from my home state. Bop them on the nose with the newspaper tell them off and they will either apoligise and generaly make a proper effort to try to change or just flat out ignore you, a win win for me right now. The Sydney city male I'm finding different with the flip flopping of support sometimes he seams supportive sometimes I just want to place my hands on there neck and scream why why WHY

[Nicole]

He sounds like a total wanker.

I would lose him as a friend until he grows up

[LordKAT]

Time to say something. If they weren't a 'friend' they would fit in a category called harassment.

[suzifrommd]

Latley he has been sending me the odd ofensive text containing "jokes" about gender reassignment, and making snide comments that no matter how I present I am not a woman yet as I have not had the operation.

The word I've heard for this sort of comment is "microaggression". His friendly jokes are neither jokes nor friendly. This is about showing hostility and being dominant.

Please don't tolerate this.

[Bols]

I agree with Nicole. Sounds like he's got a roo loose in the top paddock...

I'd let him know his behaviour is not on & it's ruining any friendship. If he values it and has any sense, he'll rethink his behaviour.

Hope it all goes well!

[HoneyStrums]

I got a phone call.

Think its all in good fun. Although i did point out to him that i dont like my beard, after he mentioned that "she" had a beard like me. He apoligised.

And yes got that same guestion wait no, what was it?

"Im just phoning to congratulate you for winning the eurovision song contest"

There was no malice in his tone and tbh honest it seemed like an excuse to call and see how I was. This freind of mine though is gay so that might be subcontiously taken as a "vouch" for some otherwise negative karma. But sometimes its not what a person says but how they say it.

EDIT - to prevent dubble posting.

I just got a text message from my sister, and she was like, the above freind is a nasty tw/t and that he is going to metaphoricaly get it from both barrels. I was confused so I asked why what has he done? And she ways "eurovision song contest ring any bells?"

So I made it clear that I took it as a joke, but she should still give it to him with both barrels because even though I found it funny not everybody would and that he shouldn't be aloud to go around making jokes like that when sombody might get offended. And that he's lucky it was me he made that joke too.

Just thought I'd mention it, becsuse I'm certain a lot of the trans comunitty will be getting this joke made, and that some people aren't as comfatable when reminded they are trans. And though it might be a good idea for those of us that can make light of it through humor still point out that others can't and are deeply offended. 

[exxtasy]

Instead of getting upset and giving him the reaction that he wants, I would just troll him and annoy him.

"Just admit that you're in love with me. We can continue this discussion after you have my proposal ring and one dozen red roses. xoxox"

LOL

[Felix]

When I mention to people that I play video games with Aussies or talk to them on forums, I'm usually given warnings about looking out for myself and how crass and socially conservative they are.

This guy isn't being nice or respectful to you. Try to remember that his behavior is wrong, not yours, and proceed to voice any indignation you may feel from time to time, and explain very clearly and simply why you have a problem with his statements.

When people are jerks just try to educate them out of it and if they don't change, you have ample and obvious reason to walk away and stop giving them the time of day.

[Ms Grace]

...crass...

I'd say that's pretty accurate... 

[Cindy]

I love a sunburnt country
A landing of swearing pains
Of ragged boring ragers
Of layabouts and boring trains
I love her far fetched stories
I love her augmented C's
Her beauty and her terror
Her crassness is for me!

With apologies to DM 

[Jason C]

Have you confronted him about it before? A lot of people are ignorant and say things like that without realising it's wrong. My best friend would used transphobic slurs without knowing at all that it was offensive. And a few times he's used my birth name as a joke, because he didn't realise just how bad it is to do that. I'd explain it to him very plainly that it's not OK. Give him the chance to change. If he doesn't, I guess you can decide whether it's worth him being in your life or not.

[PoeticHeart]

As with the rest of the responses thus far, the path I would take (and in no way do I suggest it) would be to gently stop him and alert him to the fact that behavior such as this is inappropriate and unacceptable. If the behavior persists, he really holds no remorse for his actions and thus warrants removal. 

[immortal gypsy]

Have you confronted him about it before? A lot of people are ignorant and say things like that without realising it's wrong. My best friend would used transphobic slurs without knowing at all that it was offensive. And a few times he's used my birth name as a joke, because he didn't realise just how bad it is to do that. I'd explain it to him very plainly that it's not OK. Give him the chance to change. If he doesn't, I guess you can decide whether it's worth him being in your life or not.

Sort of I explained to him why he was one of the last people I told this time around was because last time around he was making these kind of jokes, That was ten years ago. We have the same circle of friends so we do see each other occasionally the diddy 'I'm Australian born an bread, long in the leg thick in the head', "from the childrens book Far Out Brussle Sprout" is oh so true about him. Sometimes I just want to yell and scream at him others grab one of my old cruchers that I still have, and well you know the rest. But when he is being sweet he can be likable

[Miss_Bungle1991]

Shut him down, tell him no friend who treats me like that remains a friend. Passive resistance seems to be giving him greater licence to be increasingly offensive and yobbish. If you don't tell him to pull his head in then he will never respect you for who you are.

Yeah, screw that passive resistance crap. You put your foot down and make it perfectly clear that you will NOT put up with this stuff. If he blows it off, then tell him to take a hike. No one deserves to be treated like that. Friend, family member, it makes no difference. They want to pull that crap? That's it. It's over. Their done.

[immortal gypsy]

"We can save him, we can rebuild him, make him stronger, faster, we have the technology. We can create the first Bionic Thread"

Ok first thank you everyone for your advice and support now tiny update

Shortly after posting this I was able to sit him down and have a civilised conversation (me yelling at the top of my lungs when he is thinking it was a joke) in the rocks, is civilised right.

Thankfully he has been doing festivle work around Australia right now and I haven't seen too much of him latley so mental break for me yay. When I saw him last week he was better how long it will last who knows. Lets just say I've temporary suspended the bounty on his head.
My friends I and hopefully him understand now that I'm not putting up with anymore of this and just because we are in the same friendship circle group dosen't mean I will or have to be your friend. (I lived under the same roof as my father for three years without talking to him. I still don't talk to him).

Has he finally learnt his lesson well he is an Australian Bloke from the Mountains who knows time will tell. They sometimes don't even learn when you try and beat it into them

[bubbles21]

Glad you told him how you feel. Its wrong on so many levels and most people know that and still insist on making snide remarks like your friend has done. In my experience well if someone has acted like this, I confront them immediately and let them know im not happy about it and if they persist then they are completely wiped no chances whatsoever. Its not easy  going through what we do with transitioning and stuff let alone have to put up with that crap from 'friends'... Hope you are well hun x