A Good Place to Start?

[Rayne]

I was wondering if anyone had some suggestions or advice. Before I make a clear distinction and define myself as trans, and while I'l admit to the fact that I feel inwardly like a girl not a guy, I feel the need to experiment a bit to see how I feel. However I have problems. I am living with my younger sister and her 2 kids. I am living her by her request as a kind of live-in babysitter. It helps her greatly as otherwise she would be spending a lot of gas picking up and dropping off kids, and having to get up even more early because of it. Due to her situation, I don't get paid, nor do I ask. It's my duty as her sibling to help her. Because of my numerous medical issues, I can't drive, or get a job. And I have maybe $30 to my name. 7-10 of it in the bank, not that it matters really. I really want to do some things to experiment, but as I have to live with someone. (For oen reason stress can cause an adrenal crisis and I can die without anyone ever knowing.) I really can't experiment without causing others to be uncomfortable. And I just lack the social knowledge to know what is acceptable.

She had no problems with me getting my ears pierced. I had one done as a kid but it healed shut, so this time I got them both done. My ears are fully healed but... I don't want to wear just steel ball studs and white ball studs... it's just not my style. And while my boyfriend and a trans friends who is also here encourage me to just wear what I want to wear, I'm not ready for the family drama if it makes others uncomfortable. I'd love to be able to wear acute things like simple flower earrings and the like. (Yes I'm girly ^~^) But I'm scared. I'd love to be able to experiment a bit with things like undergarments, a place some people start their dabbling. But as I lack money and all my clothing is so baggy due to my weight loss, it would just be insanely risky and doomed to failure. Not to mention if I wasn't caught with some less easy to see things, like a bra which would work with my bit of gynecomastia (male breast tissue growth), if it was seen in the drier, or my sister moved my clothes to a basket while she did her clothes, that might get some attention. And In my family no one keeps secrets. The latest gossip makes the rounds until it turns into a huge family drama fall out with me in the middle. And I'm just not ready at this time for that. It would force me to come out prematurely and at a bad time. Even if I did all my laundry when she wasn't home, if the 7 year old saw one in my room...

So can anyone here offer me some advice on where I should start with my mostly empty wallet and family issues? I already have a few more girly flower earrings, but I'm too scared to wear them. I've only worn him while babysitting my 2 year old nephew alone, and took them off long before she was due to get home, giving me a 2-3 hour margin of error. What is and isn't acceptable in general for what others think is a "guy" to wear. Any other advice?

Any other things that might make a good place to start under these circumstances?

[PhoenixAsher]

Ah, I can relate to not wanting to be in the middle of the family drama (which is why I'm still not out yet).

Something that just came to mind is that you can look into selling beauty products from home. It'll earn you money, and if your sister asks about it, that's exactly what you can tell her. (Though I don't know who would complain about having extra money in the house. XD) This will give you a little pocket money to spend however you wish, and hey, maybe you'll get a discount on some of the products.

[Rayne]

Well I'm in a fairly poor area right now and I don't think I'd be able to sell much here. And I won't claim I can be a good salesperson either. I'm too shy and awkward around new people, and sadly a bit too blunt. But thanks for the suggestion! ^~^ It might be one to consider if my parents, who I normally live with, are able to move into town after all. Here it wouldn't pan out well I don't think.

[PhoenixAsher]

Sorry, poor phrasing on my part. When I said that, I meant online from home. that way you could work and babysit if need be. I'm not sure of how all this works, but I'm pretty sure you can do it.

[Jessica Merriman]

I suggest doing medical coding or some other job from home. There are plenty of opportunities available if you just look. 

[PhoenixAsher]

Also, you could invest in some coconut oil. It's good for practically everything, including helping hair grow fast, making hair soft (really soft), and making skin look soft and glowing. Sounds like it could help feminize someone

[Rayne]

Well my computers old and I can't even stay here without an external fan. But I'l see what I can look up. I never really knew enough of online jobs to even think that was a possibility for more than just people with computer degrees. (I've nearly got a general studies associates. if only I had transportation to get those 2 more credits.) I'm going to have to do some searching. Thanks for the suggestion! ^~^

And I think I'll have to check out that coconut oil suggestion too. Thanks.

[PhoenixAsher]

In the meantime, maybe you could borrow your sister's nail polish on your toes (and wear socks around her), or use the shampoo as she does. Working on your flexibility more can help you feel more feminine. Moreover, I think you're starting backwards in a way. Rather than the immediate look, you can practice things most don't look at until later (I.e., voice, flexibility, etc.) you can study female mannerisms and mimic them. (I.e., more expression in your voice, raise pitch-not volume to emphasize, clasps your hands together, and so on).

[Rayne]

Some of those, such as posture, mannerisms, etc. I am already starting on. It's fee and one of the only things I know is safe at this point. Though thanks for the suggestion. I am already taking good care of my hair, as I intend to grow it out. It was in very bad shape before I started questioning. I didn't want to cut it alst time, but I was being pressed into it. I also figured if I took better care this time it would look better with the start over.   I already have been working on my voice. And not having gone through puberty was a great help there. And most times people from doc offices, etc. mistake me for a girl anyway on the phone. ^^ My main effort is to change the pitch and volume. It's going okay, but I need to actively do it, I'm working on training myself to do so unconsciously.

[PhoenixAsher]

Sounds like you're already at a great starting point then, mate. I'd give anything to pass in voice and posture.

[Rayne]

I know I just would prefer to do more. It's hard to explain. I just really want to be able to do more. Hence the big question I need help with. what is and isn't appropriate or wise? Earings with basic metal studs fine, but what else could I get away with in general? I am tempted to buy some nail polish and polish my toes but I go barefoot around the house often enough that I could see myself forgetting about it. I think I had someone suggest clear nail polish, think that would work well?

[PhoenixAsher]

I know exactly what you mean (I'm in the same position with my own family), and it is hard to see what you can get away with being in constant close contact with your family.

I actually was going to insist clear nail polish, but in my mind, somehow it was always matched with guys (I think it was because of something I watched younger), but that's definitely not the truth for everyone. If you think it will make you feel better, I think you can definitely do it without anyone noticing.

Sorry I can't (or haven't) be of much help.

[Rayne]

That's fine. So, in general, does anyone have any idea what is in general acceptable in terms of earrings for guys to wear without arousing too much interest?

As far as clothes I am thinking asap, which will be months I think, I will go for smaller shirts and brighter colors than I would have dared before. I am tired of my drab dull colors and baggy pants.