So for too many reasons to go into, my anxiety has been spiking and out of control. Little things have me on edge again and it's getting really REALLY frustrating. It's mostly at night and I've had a long period (2 or so weeks) where I haven't been able to sleep because I'd be too anxious or paranoid to do so. My thoughts are always racing and I'm on my guard a lot for something to go wrong. I attribute a lot of those two weeks to a steroid pack I was on for my retracted ear drum, but problems persist yet again.
When someone asks what makes me anxious, they get confused when I say everything. Because just about anything can make me uneasy and shaken; from something missing or being out of place, to technical problems, to family issues, future thinking and so on. A lot of it is something I wish I could control, but I can't. The thoughts usually just hit me out of nowhere. I can be working on something or watching TV and (BOOM) it just hits me, then I get amped up and it's scary sometimes. It just ends up snowballing into me overthinking, more thoughts being thrown into the mix, my paranoia heightening and it's just a big nightmare that will leave my heart pounding for a long while even after it's all over. I had an episode over an hour ago and my heart still feels like it's pounding.
The last time I recall not being anxious at night was a few months ago when my fiance stayed for the holidays. Before that...it's a blur. I know that I had no restless nights or severely rapid, racing thoughts when I was on klonopin at night when I was hospitalized. I'm kind of scared to bring it up if I see a therapist soon because I don't want it to affect me negatively or hold me back from getting on HRT. I was told if anything it would help me get there quicker because I'm "committed to advancing my mental health and well being" or something, but I'm unsure. I'm also scared that if I go back that route, they won't find something that works for me. I've been on 20+ different meds and med combinations since I was 16 and I don't remember many working for me.
God, does anyone have advice on curbing anxiety, or at least briefly? I feel like when I vent to my fiance or friends about how anxious I get; I'm being annoying. I was told on a forum I'm on (when I was near sleep derivation levels when I was on that pack) that I really should see someone before it escalates into a full blown meltdown (I was having nightly panic attacks at this point) but again, I'm worried about the outcome and that they won't be able to help me (be really pushy and/or just make me feel worse...like my anxiety is my fault). Just...any advice at all? I heard glitter jars can be soothing but I don't have the supplies for that right now. I'm going to have to wait until next week to phone the office where the doctor is because that's when they said they should have my insurance verified or something. But any advice until then is much appreciated.
