Antisocial and now someone wants to hang out with me >.> (HELP!!!)

[Shana-chan]

Ok so, for the longest time, I've wished someone would reach out to me and be my friend irl, sadly given how I grew up and all the betrayals (from family & friends) I've gone through, I'm antisocial and have trust issues, I also hate pain so I find myself thinking, is this too good to be true. I don't want to be this way forever but, it isn't easy, especially when you're transgender MtF, haven't been on HRT, have a man's voice (Still working on it, just difficult keeping it where I need it to be, not to mention getting it there at times) & keep to yourself and stay in doors and hardly ever go anywhere except to the grocery store usually. (I CAN pass btw, just would be weird/awkward etc. if people noticed my body changing from hormones etc. vs. if I wasn't social and waited till after being on them a couple of months) This person is a girl (YEA!) and I met her at work, she's nice, jokes around and is a prankster (Not in a bad way though). I'm out at work as myself, a woman but haven't told anyone I'm trans, only that I'm a woman except my boss that I'm trans. I'm sure they know, though I haven't been asked many personal questions and of course getting them to call me by the right pronouns has been difficult. (Been contacting HR and they say they'll have a talk with them each time) So basically I don't know if she thinks of me as a girl or a guy.  I don't know if she has a crush on me either, it's hard to tell. (Her face lit up when I explained I'm not used to being social so not to take it the wrong way) She also has asked me to go to the gym with her, one comment she said to me was "Don't you want muscles" another was "don't you want abs" I don't care for muscles (Not many girls would, especially if they were showing) and as for abs, do girls have abs, what's an ab exactly? (Don't judge me lol, it's been a long time since I knew and I'm not into exercising lol) So this makes me think she thinks I'm a guy.. but still not sure since this morning one of my workers who was only ever calling me a he called me sir and a moment later apologized and called me ma'am and I said it was ok. So there's a good chance she knows I'm a woman but given her comments, not sure. 

Still, she's invited me to the movies, the gym, out to eat and I'd like to go with her and hang out. I'm just scared of being hurt, being rejected, possibly being asked questions out in public with people around and of course, thanks to my voice, even though I'm mostly out full time, I try not to talk much because of my male voice, so yea.. I don't know what to do. I don't mind hanging out at work and chatting with her there and us both getting to know each other, and I'd like to go out with her and hang out, but, so many variables including whether she thinks of me as a guy or a girl. Still, I hadn't planned on making any friends at work, let alone hanging out with anyone, I'd planned to bide my time, maybe transition at this job then after months of that, go get another job and eventually quit this one. So why is it that NOW someone is reaching out to me and wanting to be my friend? (She promised me we'd be best friends, imo from experience, promises are cheap, still that says she wants to be my friend..)

Advice?

[Umiko]

shana-oneechan, go for it. (ring the hypocrite alarm on umiko). i'm usually anti-social and when i do go out, i'm highly socially awkward but my point is, if someone asked you to hang out with them, than go do it. of course dont say to much though. just go out, take things as they come and try to enjoy yourself. this past week, i was hanging out with my sister and her co-workers and it was actually fun, i went shopping with my sister and it was a blast becuz i was somewhat out. but my point is, go have fun and who knows, something good might come out of it  (ring the hypocrite alarm on umiko for the second time)

[Shana-chan]

shana-oneechan, go for it. (ring the hypocrite alarm on umiko). i'm usually anti-social and when i do go out, i'm highly socially awkward but my point is, if someone asked you to hang out with them, than go do it. of course dont say to much though. just go out, take things as they come and try to enjoy yourself. this past week, i was hanging out with my sister and her co-workers and it was actually fun, i went shopping with my sister and it was a blast becuz i was somewhat out. but my point is, go have fun and who knows, something good might come out of it  (ring the hypocrite alarm on umiko for the second time)

I wouldn't ring that bell nor call you a hypocrite because then I'd be a hypocrite though in truth, I believe in some form or another that we are all hypocrites when it comes to something, even if we don't see it. lol (I've noticed this when it comes to comparing certain games/anime)

Still while I'd like too I don't think I will or can. due to my financial situation, I can't afford to hardly ever go out and unless something changes, I can forget going out at all let alone getting anything that I want. Heck, I can't even save up for a name change, hormones etc. Plus, even if I did go out with her, recently last week she called me a he. So yea, whether she was told or not she's calling em a girl only name, probably knows I'm using the women's restroom and heck, I just am not ok or comfortable going out with someone if they're going to misgender me, whether on purpose or not. lol

[HoneyStrums]

Dont let being misgenderd destroy what could be a good freind ship. she calls you he, and still wants to hang out? that tells me that she might want to be your friend despite your dysphoria.

i do understand your reservations, if your not comfatable hanging at the moment then dont, mention that.

[justpat]

    Take the step ! The biggest thing you have to lose is the one word we all hate and fear ALONE ! To have a friend to do things with is a wonderful experience in life,laugh,cry rejoice ,smile ,just someone to be yourself with, the feeling is beautiful. Yes you might get your feelings hurt but if you never stick your heart out you will never know---love.Love does not have to be intimate it can be the force that holds true friends together along with respect for each other.Shed your mental chains and enjoy,life is----really beautiful.     Patty

[Umiko]

I wouldn't ring that bell nor call you a hypocrite because then I'd be a hypocrite though in truth, I believe in some form or another that we are all hypocrites when it comes to something, even if we don't see it. lol (I've noticed this when it comes to comparing certain games/anime)

Still while I'd like too I don't think I will or can. due to my financial situation, I can't afford to hardly ever go out and unless something changes, I can forget going out at all let alone getting anything that I want. Heck, I can't even save up for a name change, hormones etc. Plus, even if I did go out with her, recently last week she called me a he. So yea, whether she was told or not she's calling em a girl only name, probably knows I'm using the women's restroom and heck, I just am not ok or comfortable going out with someone if they're going to misgender me, whether on purpose or not. lol

trust an believe i know exactly how you feel. your financial situation on the other hand is better than mine becuz honestly the interviewers see right through me and notice how uncomfortable i am in my gender role, so basically i cant get work until i transition, but still, you can always find other ways to hang out. mostly its better to just sit down in a park and talk, go bike riding, a nice long jog, skip rocks in a pond and other fun outdoor stuff, play board games or even have a nice game of cards. i think going out to eat or arcades, bowling and all that other stuff that takes money is pretty much a waste of time and money because you have to keep buying in order to get what you want. i find that things that dont take money are the most enjoyable and if people around you only go after money, than you shouldnt be hanging around them at all. so you can have fun without money, its just your choice to make it fun. you can do it oneechan, you just gotta believe in yourself  learned that that hard way but at least now i can at least try to encourage others

[Miharu Barbie]

Meh.  Step out of your comfort zone just a little bit.  This is the spice of life, lady.

When I left my first marriage and transitioned from male to female 16 years ago, I was SO CERTAIN that no one would ever love me again.  How could they?  Since then, I've been in 3 lovely long term relationships, turned down (several times) a marriage proposal from someone who really, really wanted to marry me, and accepted a marriage proposal from someone that I really, really wanted to marry.  My spouse and I will celebrate our 7 year anniversary this summer.

My point being, that I could have "owned" the belief that no one would ever love me again and avoided relationships based on that belief... or, I could step out of my comfort zone and just go on a date to see where it leads....  I chose the latter path.

Logan Pearsall Smith wrote 100 years ago, "What is more mortifying than to feel that you have missed the plum for want of courage to shake the tree?"

Seriously girl; you've demonstrated the courage to transition... going to have coffee with a work friend whose company you already know that you enjoy is a walk in the park.  I can tell you from personal experience, you do not want to regret later in life a missed opportunity at a lovely friendship for want of courage to let 1 other person know you just a little bit.


Miharu

[Ltl89]

I know how you feel.  I'm the shyest person ever, so I can sympathize.  However, there is nothing wrong with hanging out with someone if you want to.  What's the worst that could happen?  If you enjoy their friendship, go for it.  And it sounds like she wants to hang out with you if she's invited you out to multiple places.  Sure, you could get emotionally hurt if the friendship doesn't work out, but it doesn't sound like she would intentionally hurt you by saying something rude or anything, at least from what I got out of it.

[JamesG]

Nothing ventured nothing gained.  Maybe she goes both ways,  clocked you, and wants a 2 fer 1? 

[Shana-chan]

Soo, it'd been a few days since she'd asked me to do anything with her till today, she also called me a she 1 time, but the rest of the time a he. Still not only her but another girl there is wanting to do stuff together. So far I've been invited too
Eat out
Watch a movie at the theater
Go work out (Why would I a girl want muscles? and yes they've said this to me, that I need to build muscles or something or another)
ice skating
to a club/dancing
go shopping/to the mall
OH! Did I forget the best two of all (says sarcastically lol) to go swimming and even for them to come over to my house. 0___0

There might have been a few more but, geeze, I tell you, I am SOO not used to this. So many weird/awkward moments and not to mention other thoughts.. (Me? A swim suit? ...) Not to mention all this while, yeah I'm sure they know I'm trans despite not being told but, I've not been using my female voice at work (I am still working on it, and it is hard keeping it there/using it for a prolonged time while just speaking normally, so, yea..) I am VERY self conscious as to what they might say/ask while we're out and if I go out I try to use my female voice while in public. (Try..try..) Also thanks to my "Dad" I now have fear that they/others in my life might say something to me if I go as myself, purse, make up, dress or skirt (I'd need to learn how to tuck first though..). Really I've not started HRT and I didn't expect for this to happen, so not used to this and am being forced out of my comfort zone.. I DO want to hang out with them, I just, it isn't easy, especially when I'd planned to start being social after being on HRT for a few months or half a year along with having a better female voice I can use at any time without losing it.

Seriously, I am soo not social and if anyone reading this has ever watched Haganai I don't have many friends then you'll understand that I'd fit right into that club, actually, I'd probably have trouble even in that club, that's how not social I am. Do I like it this way? Well, the time to myself yes but other times no. I have no rl friends and haven't really ever had any friends who I could hang out with like this so this is very hard for me and new to me. I'm also so scared of getting hurt again. I've been hurt too much, by friends AND family..

To the below posts, thanks, it just isn't easy for me, especially when I am worried about so many things such as rejection & the problems that come with being trans. (Such as body hair for one thing..)

EDIT: Oh and, also, I am at the point that if people in my life cannot accept me for who and what I am fully, call me by my newish name and the CORRECT pronouns then they can just leave me alone and I them. With family, if I have too then about the only contact I'd have with them is business type of contact. I hate this I do but it can't be helped. I've informed them they're hurting me yet they say "We love you, it's not meant out of disrespect or in a mean way" but I don't freaking care! That doesn't change the fact that they aren't caring enough to quit hurting me. So why have a relationship with someone when they constantly disrespect you and hurt you like that?