i feel cold, numb and dead

[Jess42]

lets face it, i was ok all day yesterday than towards the end i started hiding behind my sweater sleeve. than maybe around 8 i started getting depressed and than i almost broke down crying and now i'm stuck in this funk. idk whats wrong this time but its really upsetting. even had my mom give me the "are you unhappy speech." seems like my emotions are becoming more obvious. i'm suppose to be an impenetrable, non emotional being but i just keep crumbling. i just dont know what to do anymore. am i really that unhappy or is it just something else going on? trying to keep my composure for just a little bit 

I will let you in on a little secret. We can't always maintain composure. You are not a rock so don't try to be. Hell, crying feels good and is a very good way to release some pent up emotions.

No matter what you think or have been told or want to believe, you are not an impenetrable, non emotional being. Humans aren't capable of being that way. And if you find someone that seems to be, they have conditioned themselves to act like that. I have seen supposed "rocks" break down and cry.

Sound like it sneaks up on you and comes over you in waves. Am I right? First you are OK. Then you tried hiding behind your sleeve. And then the depression comes. You said you almost broke down and cried. Cry your heart out Hon, don't hold those tears back. Have you ever been diagnosed with Bipolar Depression or Manic Depression? I have been diagnosed with Bipolar but I know enough about Psychology that I am not bipolar. I have Major Depression, it's just that the anxiety before it got undercontrol would make me seem Manic. But now without the anxiety it is just soul crushing depression in which I really have to work on.

Do you feel real good or at least normal emotionaly at times and other times just down and don't feel like getting out of bed? Go between happiness and sadness? That could mean you are bipolar, it is definately an indicator. Just hang in there Umiko, and definately in therapy ask your therapist questions and thier opinions and you have access to whatever they write, all you have to do is ask them if you can read it.

Good luck and I wish you well the rest of the weekend.

[Umiko]

i dont fit the criteria for mood disorders or anxiety disorder with the new DSM-V criteria. i'm always in a neutral state and i try not to show emotions because, well, they bring me to much unwanted attention. usually after a good night sleep i'm up and fine again but it always creeps up again sometime in the week. i'm always hiding behind my sleeve though so i appear to be fine

[Umiko]

i hit my low point again. i tried not to think about it until wednesday but unfortunately i get hit again. god how i hate having to much time. it sends me into thinking mode which than results in my going lifeless. i'm sry guys, i promised to only be positive but..im sry 

[Jess42]

i hit my low point again. i tried not to think about it until wednesday but unfortunately i get hit again. god how i hate having to much time. it sends me into thinking mode which than results in my going lifeless. i'm sry guys, i promised to only be positive but..im sry 

We all slip. Just try to hang in there OK?

[LordKAT]

What sometimes helps me is writing out a list or outline of what I need/want to do, then once I can see everything broken down in an outline, I can cross things off (even if they are small) Doing this helps me feel like I've accomplished something.

[Umiko]

seriously, just when i start to feel hope, i get shot down. idk if i can go on anymore. i have go through my pcp to get my hormones who has to contact my endo so she can at least give me enough to last me until i go see he but this could take so long. literally, with the amount of time i have left, dont think i can go on anymore