How do I word this?

[Edge]

I'm trying to figure out how to word something. Mind giving me a hand?

As people know (since I'm not as ashamed of working on things as I've been told I should be), I struggle with having the wish for friends and people who like me. Some of the acquaintances I've mentioned this to then claimed that they don't have that problem.  Of course they don't have that problem. They have friends, family, and people who like them. They also claim that being in my situation would be easy for them. How would they know? They've never been in my situation. They've never been tested. The ones that tend to claim this are also ones who have previously shown me that they do, in fact, care about their family, so it's highly unlikely they'd be able to react as well as me never mind better than me. (I don't mean that to sound arrogant. I mean they're lying if they claim it wouldn't hurt them to have their family turn on them.) To me, this is very annoying to say the least.
In a nut shell, it's telling someone about a problem you are dealing with and being told that they wouldn't have that problem if they were in the same situation which they have never been in and most likely wouldn't react that well to. Am I making sense?

I want to find a shorter way of wording that while making it clear what I mean. I'd like it to be coherent. I want to be able to leave the exact problem vague since it could fit a lot of things for a lot of people. I also want word it so that I do not sound weak or like I am making excuses. I know how strong I am and I know how hard what I go through actually is. I don't want to single anyone out since I get this from multiple people, but I don't know how to make that clear.

[HoneyStrums]

I Know what your saying. (perharps dint feel the exact same about it)


I Dont know.
I Think in order to say it saying every thing you want it to. You already said it the best way.

Of course you can shorten it to. "how could you know, your not me" but you dont want it to sound rude.

But most of the time i get this from people that do care, and do want to help me feel better. But they tend to say "its not THAT bad" instead of "it could be worse".

There is a big defference between saying someone could feel worse, and saying someone shouldnt feel as bad as they actually do about it.

Most of the time, i smile at the failed attempt and realise the intentions though. 

[Edge]

That's not what I was talking about. Ok I need more help with this than I thought.

They're not telling me it's "not that bad" or that it "could be worse." They're turning it into a pissing contest. They're claiming that they wouldn't have that problem despite the fact that they've never had to deal with the reason why I have the problem. Now do I make sense?

[HoneyStrums]

I Thought it was the same thing, on a smaller scale.

Their trying to put themself in your situation. And trying to guage how they would feel about it, in hopes they can offer help.

My eg although a bad one, was trying to piont this out.

Whats happening is sombody is giving you advice (telling you what to do or how you should feel) on a basis of being in your shoes. failing to take into consideration that although thay think thats what they would feel or do in that situation, they arnt actually in it. And even if they were they might feel closer but still not the same.

Thats what i was trying to say. Is this clarification any closer?

[Edge]

Close, but they're not offering help or giving advice. They're just claiming to be better than me.

[HoneyStrums]

Close, but they're not offering help or giving advice. They're just claiming to be better than me.

And making you feels worse than them?

Well since thats the case. Egnor them.
If you need to respond.
Point out that you need help coping with the situation as it IS FOR YOU. not to be made to feel worse by someone saying what it MIGHT BE FOR THEM. as though your feelings arnt important to YOUR SITUATION.

Is this any help?

[defective snowflake]

First I would ask them how can they be so sure about that as they aren't and haven't been in that situation. And if they persisted in their delusion, then I'd probably tell them "Gee, I wish I could be as thoughtless and uncaring, then I wouldn't have the problem either."  But that's me, certain things tend to bring the meanness out in me.

[Edge]

And making you feels worse than them?

Eh... Not quite like that. As I said, I know who I am and how strong I am. I do, however, get an irrational urge to prove myself to them even though I know there's no point.

Hmm. That gives me some ideas. Thanks!

[LordKAT]

"If you haven't walked my exact path, you can never know how you would act or feel."


Am I in the right ballpark? I've told this to others who seem to think they know what they would do  or feel if they were me, and were way off base.

[Edge]

Yeah, that's it! Thanks, Kat.

[HoneyStrums]

Yes thanks KAT
And sorry I wasnt much help Edge.

I think I fucused too much on trying to get an idea of how you felt, that I completelly for got your question.

[LordKAT]

You are quite welcome.

[Edge]

Yes thanks KAT
And sorry I wasnt much help Edge.

I think I focused too much on trying to get an idea of how you felt, that I completely for got your question.

lol That's ok. A lot of people get confused on how I feel about things. Sorry I was a little rude. It gets frustrating.
Ever get into the scene where most people brag about how tough they are when they can't back up their claims? It's like that. It's going from "annoying, but I'll let them have their fun" to "for f-'s sake, you live with parents."