My mind is playing tricks

[BeingSonia]

Hi!

Something strange is happening.
Or maybe not.
I'm still not on hormones yet because of the number of therapies I still have to go through.
That said, I see a growing light at the end my tunnel I built to burry myself into.
I started to see cis-women differently.
I still envy them for being born female and not me but I have a strange feeling, like, yeah I'm not that different from them now.
In the contrary, I feel like leaving the men's club I've tried so desperately to fit into.
I always felt being a girl/woman but the mirror was always telling me otherwise.
Even closely shaved, I rarely saw me as a woman.
That guy's reflection  is me.
I'm having electrolysis and I see my beard disappearing but is far from being gone.
Now, I see more and more a woman even I haven't done much in term of my appearance.
My mind is playing tricks with me.
I wonder why.
Is it because I decided to transition? The therapies?
I also feel a growing impatience.

Sonia

[Jessica Merriman]

A big warm welcome to transition! What you are feeling is quite normal at least in my case. Acceptance of yourself is what did it for me and the rest followed. OMG was I in a hurry to get on HRT. Seemed like the Therapist took forever, but they did it right and made sure so I would not regret my decision later on in life and was prepared for the trials we all go through. Welcome to the girl club Sweetie!

[WaspWoman]

I think I know what you mean.

While I have desired to be a woman as long as I can remember, it was only several months ago that I realized I could be. I am also still pre-hrt, but since this realization I have been making little changes - losing considerable weight, shaving the beard I'd had since High School, that sort of thing. I am not behaving overtly feminine but I have stopped trying to exude masculinity; I am just letting myself be me and it is a relief.

I have found, as you seem to have, that while in the past I only ever saw a man I hated, now when I look in the mirror I see a glimpse, a flash of a girl behind those eyes. And yes, it feels like my mind is playing tricks; nothing has really changed and yet I see something different.

Its exciting, and frightening, and I feel like I can pull this off and maybe the world will see what I can see just below the surface, waiting to be free. But also I worry that I am getting my hopes up only to be disappointed...

Best wishes to you on your journey!

[Goldfish]

I would agree that self acceptance is a large part of that. I identified as transgender before finding out about transitioning. Although I thought I was female inside, because of my male body it was more of an academic point. When I realised I could change that, I shaved my beard off and looked in the mirror and for the first time, could see a glimpse of myself. Wondrous tricks of the mind  Enjoy it

[teeg]

I started to see cis-women differently.
I still envy them for being born female and not me but I have a strange feeling, like, yeah I'm not that different from them now.

This stuck out to me as it's something I struggled with for a while.

In my opinion having a vagina makes someone a female, but that doesn't always mean they're a woman. Just as having a penis makes someone a male, but that doesn't always mean they're a man. Femininity and masculinity is a fluid spectrum.

Don't get too hung up on this. I think too many people get caught up in the need to be a Marilyn Monroe (if they're MtF), or a John Wayne (if they're FtM), when in the real world before HRT you might very well be more feminine and womanly than many, "women" out there.

[kelly_aus]

This stuck out to me as it's something I struggled with for a while.

In my opinion having a vagina makes someone a female, but that doesn't always mean they're a woman. Just as having a penis makes someone a male, but that doesn't always mean they're a man. Femininity and masculinity is a fluid spectrum.

Don't get too hung up on this. I think too many people get caught up in the need to be a Marilyn Monroe (if they're MtF), or a John Wayne (if they're FtM), when in the real world before HRT you might very well be more feminine and womanly than many, "women" out there.

I'm far from a Marilyn.. Nor do I know many trans women IRL that are like that. I'm a non-op genderqueer gynephile who identifies as a woman because it removes the need for a tedious explanation of what genderqueer is. You can label me anything you like on the basis that I have a penis, I know who I am..