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What do you do to cope with the pain?

Started by shanetastic, July 23, 2007, 02:38:04 AM

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shanetastic

So I figured I'd shoot this question out to everyone out there. . .  How do you deal with the pain day to day of living the life of a lie?

Right now I'm right inbetween stages of transition as in I've been seeing a therapist for a while and still I'm feeling the same so it's time to transition.  But, things never change overnight, so how does everyone deal with the pain of. . . lets see if I can try to describe what I'm feeling. . .

Living your life and feeling the traits of being null, and always having the fact at the back of your head such as, "oh i'll never live the real life i want to," and such other things like, "oh i'll never fully be who I truly want."  Don't get me wrong, I have a great set of friends, and my parents are probably the most understand and cool people out there.

The thing is that how can you get your mind off this pain so it doesn't take you off the edge and drive you insane?  I feel like I've been insane lately and I'm going crazy in my head and just can't ever feel right or feel like I will ever be in the place I want to be.

And also, to make things worse, my brother just moved away as well, and him and I were really close and he was a great addition to my best friend, being that him and I are only a year apart in age.

So that's it in a nut shell, I just needed to vent because I can't sleep because I'm always thinking, and when I do I just get reminded of the constant dissapointment and sorrow that life makes you endure for something that you never wanted in the first place.
trying to live life one day at a time
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melissa90299

drinking...drugs...sex...then more drugs, more drinking, more sex, then sobriety, releasing the demons through spirituality and finally Zen Buddhism, meditation and completing transition...

The Four Noble Truths

1. Life means suffering.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.



1. Life means suffering.

To live means to suffer, because the human nature is not perfect and neither is the world we live in. During our lifetime, we inevitably have to endure physical suffering such as pain, sickness, injury, tiredness, old age, and eventually death; and we have to endure psychological suffering like sadness, fear, frustration, disappointment, and depression. Although there are different degrees of suffering and there are also positive experiences in life that we perceive as the opposite of suffering, such as ease, comfort and happiness, life in its totality is imperfect and incomplete, because our world is subject to impermanence. This means we are never able to keep permanently what we strive for, and just as happy moments pass by, we ourselves and our loved ones will pass away one day, too.

2. The origin of suffering is attachment.

The origin of suffering is attachment to transient things and the ignorance thereof. Transient things do not only include the physical objects that surround us, but also ideas, and -in a greater sense- all objects of our perception. Ignorance is the lack of understanding of how our mind is attached to impermanent things. The reasons for suffering are desire, passion, ardour, pursue of wealth and prestige, striving for fame and popularity, or in short: craving and clinging. Because the objects of our attachment are transient, their loss is inevitable, thus suffering will necessarily follow. Objects of attachment also include the idea of a "self" which is a delusion, because there is no abiding self. What we call "self" is just an imagined entity, and we are merely a part of the ceaseless becoming of the universe.

3. The cessation of suffering is attainable.

The cessation of suffering can be attained through nirodha. Nirodha means the unmaking of sensual craving and conceptual attachment. The third noble truth expresses the idea that suffering can be ended by attaining dispassion. Nirodha extinguishes all forms of clinging and attachment. This means that suffering can be overcome through human activity, simply by removing the cause of suffering. Attaining and perfecting dispassion is a process of many levels that ultimately results in the state of Nirvana. Nirvana means freedom from all worries, troubles, complexes, fabrications and ideas. Nirvana is not comprehensible for those who have not attained it.

4. The path to the cessation of suffering.

There is a path to the end of suffering - a gradual path of self-improvement, which is described more detailed in the Eightfold Path. It is the middle way between the two extremes of excessive self-indulgence (hedonism) and excessive self-mortification (asceticism); and it leads to the end of the cycle of rebirth. The latter quality discerns it from other paths which are merely "wandering on the wheel of becoming", because these do not have a final object. The path to the end of suffering can extend over many lifetimes, throughout which every individual rebirth is subject to karmic conditioning. Craving, ignorance, delusions, and its effects will disappear gradually, as progress is made on the path.
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shanetastic

As dissapointing as it is for me to read that, it is pretty much entirely true Melissa.
trying to live life one day at a time
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Maud

I opted out of having a life away from a keyboard, drinking allot and general moping about. It's not advisable.
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melissa90299

Quote from: shanetastic on July 23, 2007, 03:17:35 AM
As dissapointing as it is for me to read that, it is pretty much entirely true Melissa.

The path to Nirvana is disappointing???
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shanetastic

Quote from: melissa90299 on July 23, 2007, 03:24:12 AM
Quote from: shanetastic on July 23, 2007, 03:17:35 AM
As dissapointing as it is for me to read that, it is pretty much entirely true Melissa.

The path to Nirvana is disappointing???


No the facts of the suffering.

Posted on: July 23, 2007, 03:25:45 AM
Quote from: Mawd on July 23, 2007, 03:18:20 AM
I opted out of having a life away from a keyboard, drinking allot and general moping about. It's not advisable.

Heh, I'm nineteen and have already taken that route for about 2 years.  It was destroying my life, and I was only in high school, so I stopped, but now it's still diffacult not to take that easy way out in a sense of just drinking all that away.  But I still refuse to.
trying to live life one day at a time
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melissa90299

The first Noble Truth is that life means suffering, life is suffering, don't worry, it took me awhile to get it, like over fifty years! The important concept is that self is an illusion. That is the hardest thing to accept especially for someone as narcissistic as myself.

Funny... as I finally let go of self, the outer vehicle was granted to me.

When I was 19, there was really no such thing in the world as transition, that word was never even invented yet  in the context of transsexxuals. I turned to drinking, drugs then later living vicariously through other transsexuals, I even dated a rather famous beautiful transwoman. She got SRS and married a doctor, I thought I could never transition, when Johns Hopkins in Baltimore where I grew up started doing SRS, I met a lot of women who came for the "sex change" I remember there being a whole lot of restrictions then and even most of the girls who came to town went home broken hearted.  I thought I would not be accpeted into the program, this was in my mid to late twenties, so I didn't really even discover what transition was or how to do it until three and a half years ago, three years and a half years later, I have the face and body of an attractive older woman.

Life is suffering, everyone has their own demons, let go and all will be revealed.

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The thought just occurred to me that in all of human history and of all the people who have lived and died,   only a few of us, those lucky enough to be born in the recent past have had an opportunity to "do this."

Just think of that.
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