Why is Are you a boy or a girl? The first questin people ask.

[HoneyStrums]

This might be better in general, but its more about answering it if at all as a trans.

So complete random person asks are you a girl.
i  answer does it matter.
then its Im jw (just wondering i guess) so are you?

So im just wondering how other trans people answer this?

I said

Im trans so their is a lot of room for debate on that one. Ask if i have XY chromasomes? yes. ASK if i have like flowers and dresses? yes. Ask ME if im a girl? yes. Ask somone els if I am? probably not. Most just call me freek. And im well with that, because being Trans is rare and tradgic. So call me what you like, but id rather not hear it.

[Jill F]

Why should that even matter if you are just being you?  Some of us are neither and some of us are both. The binary is pretty overrated anyway.

[Rayne]

I would love to get the question more often. ^~^ Perhaps not as good as fully passing, but it means you can claim either reasonably. ^~^ So if you prefer one you can just say it, assuming family/etc/etc are not there. Anyway...Androgyny is better than clearly male or female to anyone with a non cis-based gender alignment.

[Umiko]

this is a good question. i get asked the "are you a girl" question at all becuz of my lack of a masculine aura. i just usually walk away saying non of your damn business

[HoneyStrums]

I would love to get the question more often. ^~^ Perhaps not as good as fully passing, but it means you can claim either reasonably. ^~^ So if you prefer one you can just say it, assuming family/etc/etc are not there. Anyway...Androgyny is better than clearly male or female to anyone with a non cis-based gender alignment.

It wasnt about passing. it was an online convo.


But yeah should stuck with it doesnt matter.

[Rayne]

It wasnt about passing. it was an online convo.


But yeah should stuck with it doesnt matter.

Ahh I misunderstood. I get asked that constantly online o.o But that's not really because of any gender issues. people constantly ask that to one another. Otherwise you feel weird and awkward if you get wrong. (Or most people do, I don't.) You will get that a lot unless you are unquestionably/stereotypically male or female.

[Natkat]

"are you a boy or a girl?"
me: - "im a guy"
"you dont look like a boy"
- "but I am"
"so what about you are you a boy or a girl?"
- "im a girl"
"huh... really you dont look like a girl"
--
I dont get this question so often anymore.

[LordKAT]

I like your solution a lot, NatKat. I'm going to use that one if it ever happens again.

[MbutF]

That's the same question every professor in a Pokemon game asks me when I start the game

But in real life, maybe it's just because people want to know how to address you if you're ambiguous in appearance....

[AnnieMay]

When I was asked that question, I would answer "Yes" and smile. When the question was asked differently, such as "Are you a girl?", I would say "Perhaps", and also smile. There was seldom a follow up question. I think the smile let the other person know that this was a question that I was not going to answer.

[suzifrommd]

Never been asked this. Have a canned answer ready in case someone does. I look shocked and hurt and say "Are you saying a I look like a man?"

[Amy1988]

Fortunately I never get asked that.  Most people think I'm female but have been called a dike when I wore male clothes.

[EllieM]

When I was asked that question, I would answer "Yes" and smile.

Oh yeah! This for sure

[makipu]

I personally don't like that question but I would rather have them asking me what I am instead of assuming it ignorantly.

[Jess42]

In the old days I would always hear people talk amongst themselves and ask that same question about me and my friends. Just loud enough for us to hear them and they trying to be rude. Didn't really bother me too much. Mostly older folks anyway. But really it was to be expected though.

As for an online convo, depends if it was a dating prospect, or just a conversation on another forum in which really it doesn't matter anyway. As for the dating prospect I would have asked if it really mattered and if so in a negative way, cease talking to the person. And if not go for it but be careful. Really to many variables to give a specific answer as to how I would have handled it.

[eClare]

As for an online convo, depends if it was a dating prospect, or just a conversation on another forum in which really it doesn't matter anyway. As for the dating prospect I would have asked if it really mattered and if so in a negative way, cease talking to the person. And if not go for it but be careful. Really to many variables to give a specific answer as to how I would have handled it.

Am I reading this wrong? I would think that asking whether you are male or female as a dating prospect would be a normal question, since most people have a preference regarding the anatomical gender of their partner during intercourse.

[Jess42]

Am I reading this wrong? I would think that asking whether you are male or female as a dating prospect would be a normal question, since most people have a preference regarding the anatomical gender of their partner during intercourse.

Yes, that is why I said if the answer was in a negative realm, cease the conversation right there. I do think I worded that wrong though and thanks for pointing it out and letting me clarify. But.. If it doesn't matter still don't throw caution in the wind 'cause there are some out there that would actuall like to hurt us. but in the same token would actually like to have a real meaningful relationship.

Sorry Clare and thanx for pointing that out.

[YBtheOutlaw]

i've been asked this before, not because they couldn't work it out themselves with my appearance, but because my behaviour did not suit a girl at all. i remember when asked this at age 12 i said i was ...- an offensive word used for people who don't clearly identify as their born gender, and i didn't know it was offensive. and i didnt know what else to call myself, since i felt like i was a boy but my body suggested otherwise.
3-4 yrs ago if somebody asked me that i would have said 'i don't know really. and i don't care. so i don't think anybody else should care'
right now if someone asks me i'd say 'what makes you doubt that?' after they reply i'd smile and say 'take me as whatever you feel i am, not necessarily what my body looks like'
some day in future if i live fully as male i'd give a confused and annoyed 'huh?' with an 'are you insane' look.

[Riven]

This might be better in general, but its more about answering it if at all as a trans.

So complete random person asks are you a girl.
i  answer does it matter.
then its Im jw (just wondering i guess) so are you?

So im just wondering how other trans people answer this?

I said

It may not mean anything at all. The reason that Humans have grown so much as a species is our ability to recognize and follow patterns. If someone isn't completely sure they have you pegged then chances are they will investigate so they know how to act towards you and move onward with their lives. Like some of the other posters mentioned, being a male or female is more than just simply looking the part. Your mannerisms tell your true story and when people don't understand what they're seeing it throws them for a loop. I've never been misgendered but then again I've never gone out as what I consider to be my true self. If someone had the gall to ask me what I am, I would just simply tell them what I want them to believe. Only you can choose how others define you.

[Rachel]

Depending on who and where asked I may say ( I have thought about this a few times):
I am Transsexual,
yes,
I am still working that out,
girl

On line I would answer girl.