Have you ever experienced the same feeling as me?

[xiaocen]

I am on my transitioning from a male to a female. But the transition seems not to be that much smooth going. I am still not satisfied with myself. I really wanna be more like a girl, maybe a pretty girl. When the summer comes, I becoming more and more admiring, maybe envying, those girls on the street, in my work place,and almost everywhere. Because of my work, I have to wear shirts and jeans. I have long hair, and I look like a neuter.
I feel deeply self-abased and feel hopeless about my future.  I am trapped in my depressed mood. I feel nobody will like me. The negative thoughts fill up with my mind. I think I am ugly as a beetle.
Will everything be fine in the future? Will the bright future comes finally?
I am still working hard, making an effort to earn more money...... I hope one day I would be that one I wanna be.
I don't know how long I could keep up in such a situation.

[Sammy]

Those thoughts do come up from time to time, but their frequency decreases with being longer on the HRT. Maybe You should consider taking some minor antidepressants to cope with, because transition - if taken on a day by day basis - is quite exhausting both mentally and physically. It might seem that it is all roses and butterflies, but there are nasty things and thoughs which do creep in at times, and then You get over them and forget until something else happens... Also, when people post their experiences they tend to do that in encouraging manner which is nice and commending, of course, but sometimes can cause wrong perceptions and assumptions. Your transition will be Yours only, it is Your unique and personal experience, I wish You that Yours is smooth and without issues, but please be prepared to deal with rough parts of it.

[suzifrommd]

I am on my transitioning from a male to a female. But the transition seems not to be that much smooth going. I am still not satisfied with myself. I really wanna be more like a girl, maybe a pretty girl.

Dear, the deeper into womanhood you get, the more you find that nearly EVERY WOMAN, EVERYWHERE is unhappy with her looks in some ways.

This probably just means you are female.

Over time, women learn to be confident about their looks and accept themselves while at the same time figuring out how to look their best.

Welcome to being female. We all take the bad with the good.

[Felix]

My feelings haven't been exactly the same, of course. But I think we've all had to deal with a much more mixed bag than we want. And I want to agree with Emily that you will encounter more people online who put their best selves out there, because when people feel good about themselves that's when they want to upload photos and videos of it. It skews the balance so it's easy to not notice all the troubles and insecurities in other people.

And yeah, the most perfect-seeming women in the world often still agonize over their imperfections. That part is normal and will probably remain to some degree even if you accomplish every goal you set.

You keep up by just going one step at a time. Antidepressants don't hurt either.

[Julia-Madrid]

Will everything be fine in the future? Will the bright future comes finally?
I am still working hard, making an effort to earn more money...... I hope one day I would be that one I wanna be.
I don't know how long I could keep up in such a situation.

Hi Xiaocen

C'mon girl - this is probably just a bump in the road.  WE ALL GET THEM!   And as well as the bumps we get the up-and-down of the hills and valleys too.  But that's part of being human, and of being a woman. 

If you're not already talking to a mental health professional, do try and see one - she'll help you put things into context.

And yes, every girl has ugly days, weeks even!  You're totally normal

Hugs
Julia

[Ms Grace]

These feelings are common enough, for many people going through transition although they may manifest in a variety of ways.

I'll echo what was discussed above, rarely do we ever feel we are as pretty as we would like to be. Even cis women feel is way. The important thing is to remain positive about the process but also be realistic about the end outcome. People who have expectations of being like the sexiest cis women (at least not without paying lots of money) are more often than not going to be sorely disappointed.  The best way to avoid this trap is to swear off envy and jealousy of attractive cis women. Admire them by all means, but don't let envy of them eat your heart and soul.