Questions of Validity

[SweetJayne]

So... I have a lot of things bouncing around in my head everyday concerning my gender. My mind is always doubting itself, telling me I don't belong anywhere with anyone, being the eternal outsider, yada yada. It wasn't until last week that I began identifying as a transgirl. I've been curious about it forever, and have always felt uncomfortable about my body, not masculine at all, etc. I've also always be in awe of the female orgasm and felt a deep loss that I can never carry a child within myself. Last week, I met a mutual friend at a graduation party whose a transguy, and we had a spontaneous heart to heart about what I've been feeling. I had never felt that I was allowed to express myself how I feel most comfortable. I've started dressing femme, going by my girl name, shaved my beard, and am doing my make up. I feel like I've walked out of a cave I wasn't fully aware I was in. I've started to feel more uncomfortable at work when I get called my guy name and having to dress male. But I've been dressing more androgynous and not hiding my femme side, and people keep telling me I look so much happier! I haven't decided if I want to do HRT. Sometimes I really want my body hair gone and to grow breasts. I talked to my parents, and they said they won't call me by my name, that I never dressed up in my mom's clothes as a kid (so it's probably not for real), and that I need to see a psychologist. That kind of hurt. A lot. But anyways, I don't know, does anyone relate? Am I just doubting? Second guessing? I don't know... ... ... meh.

[Ltl89]

Hey Jayne,

The best thing I can recommend is for you to take some time to consider what you want.  Honestly, the past is a great way to better understand who we are and how we came to be, but the future is really the most important thing.  Like what you want for tomorrow and the years to come.  Sometimes that takes a little bit of introspection and time to understand.  That's okay.  None of this is a race nor is there a standard that you have to meet.  It's about doing what will make you happy and doing what you feel is the best thing for you.  Take some time to figure what that is.  And the thing is only you can know what that will be.  Your parents likely have an ideal image of who you are and what your life is going to be.  Most parents do this and it's hard when that image doesn't correlate with the reality, but that's not your fault.  Find out what you really want and what you hope for the future.  Find the life that you hope to have.  And if you have doubts, which is okay and normal, that's okay.  Just take the time you need and maybe speak with a gender therapist to further investigate these feelings. 

In any case, I wish you luck on your life journey and hope everything works out for the best!

P.S. Welcome to Susan's.

[suzifrommd]

But anyways, I don't know, does anyone relate? Am I just doubting? Second guessing? I don't know... ... ... meh.

You're talking about big decisions that will affect the rest of your life. Thinking carefully about them means that you're mature and sensible.

And, it would definitely bother me if someone said to me what your parents said to you. Personally, I'm furious with the attitude that transpeople don't know what we want and we need to have a psychologist tell us. Sure, see a gender therapist if you think it will help you figure out what you want. But the idea that our gender is not legitimate unless it's bless by a professional is patronizing and paternalistic.

Refusing to acknowledge someone else's gender is, IMO, a hostile move whether or not it's your own kid.

For the record, I NEVER had the urge to cross dress. I put on my first female clothes at age 51, and only then because I wanted to pass as a woman. And yet, here I am, almost a year into full-time living and thrilled.

[AnneB]

I crossdressed since abt age 10, it was really difficult, but helped ease the conflict inside, tho I didn't realize what it was until much later.. I just knew what I wasn't.   Jayne, I don't want to say demand things (calling you your real name, etc) but ask if your parents would agree to counsellors. Both their phycologist, and your (you will have to find one) gender therapist.  At least one will be able to give you guidance to finding yourself, and the gender therapist should be able to recommend an Endo dr to check your hormone levels, nothing more than a blood test..

You will always find support and guidance here!   I hope the parents will really want you to be happy.

Paula

[Eva Marie]

I never cross dressed until I was in my mid-40s. I never played with dolls or knew that I was a girl at a young age like a lot of other trans women report. I am now at 51 doing my transition. It didn't hit me until it was in my early 40's. Surprise!

Your parents dismissing what you feel because you did not show early symptoms is just wrong, but then again your average person just doesn't know about transgender issues so you have to take what they said with a grain of salt.

I would say that seeing a gender therapist is a good idea; the therapist can help you sort out your feelings and who you are.

[LordKAT]

Hi Jayne and welcome to Susan's.

Your feelings are quite normal. While a therapist is useful in helping you sort out your feelings and can often help with dealing with all the slings thrown at you, it doesn't mean you are crazy or that anything is really wrong. Many suffer from depression to the the attitudes we are often faced with. A therapist can help with that, too.

You are in the right place to share your story and we have a lot of information to help you with whatever your decision is.

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