Yay! I went out for my first time today! And let me just say, my god it was scary @_@
For starters, I currently reside in a not so stellar neighborhood. You know, the inner city, and my particular neighborhood doesn't have the best reputation even by inner city standards. So safety was a legitimate concern. At the same time, I feel that this would also work to my advantage, because if someone thought something looked "odd" about me, they wouldn't have been shy about making their opinion known, or at least staring.
So...I just walked down the block to the local busy street, and no clocking! No one really said anything or looked at me strange. There were quite a few times when I walked past people--mostly guys, and they didn't even glance at me. Likewise, there were a few times when I was walking on the sidewalk with my person in clear view of cars stopped at red lights, and most of them didn't say anything or look at me funny. There was one instance where I *think* a guy was looking at me and grinning. There was another time when a guy waiting at the bus stop looked like he was staring at me. I looked back after I was a little past him and he wasn't still looking. I'm not sure if those two instances mean anything. They might have just been thinking I was attractive or something. Or maybe they were just picking up on my nervousness and clear lack of confidence. I'll probably never know.
Overall I'm tremendously happy I did it. It was only for about 30 minutes, but it was a huge first step for me. The feeling I got the first time I walked past someone and they didn't even take a second glance was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I've been so discouraged that it's been so hard for me to get hormones, but having the confidence to present as female without them will make me feel soooo much better!
