I Think I'm Screwed...

[Sammy]

OMG I think I'm becoming rather delicate due to years on feminizing HRT! 

Well, this is the part where You cant have a cake and eat it too... You are either a brick, or... You are not . Not that being a brick was not easier...and sometimes this friggin delicacy just gets in the way when things need to be sorted out... but not that I really mind it .

[ashrock]

Hopefully your right. If I start hrt, then I'm going to initially drop down about 20lbs to 130, then I'm gonna pack on about 50lbs and get to 180, which I've never been before. After that I'd try getting back down to 145 or however light I could go while still having good fat distribution. I'm not sure if that'd be a good route, but I'm assuming it would be.

Dont take this the wrong way, you are a bit hung up on weight honey.  I was too, its not nearly so easy to control with hormones.  A good tactic I recommend, cycle gaining and losing somewhere between 5-10, or dont worry so much about it, I certainly am not anymore.  Dont try to plan how your body will handle this, cause it just isnt plannable.

[juicer71]

You must realize that beauty is interputed differently by all people. I'm just saying I am 6'1 280 in pretty good shape. My wife is 5'7 and a bigger girl. People are surprised because I look like I would want to be with a super fit girl. But truth is personality is huge when it comes to choosing our mates. Like I tell my wife all the time; stop only looking at the negative and start looking inside at the positive. Beauty comes from within nomatter what people want to say it's true. Be the beautiful person you are within and allow that shine out when all hope seems lost. The world is a beautiful place; it's time to open your eyes and see that =)))

[TheQuestion]

Dont take this the wrong way, you are a bit hung up on weight honey.  I was too, its not nearly so easy to control with hormones.  A good tactic I recommend, cycle gaining and losing somewhere between 5-10, or dont worry so much about it, I certainly am not anymore.  Dont try to plan how your body will handle this, cause it just isnt plannable.

I'm not hung up on weight at all, in-fact, being 165-180lbs may be better for me as it could hide my skeleton better and make me look softer overall. I have made it look like I'm concerned with weigh, sorry about that. I just dont want to look bulky and it wouldn't take much on my frame to do that. I'd drop down to 130 before hrt. I'm only about 150 now and I literally can lose 20lbs in about two weeks or possible a bit less. I don't gain weight as of now and when I do cardio and eat salad, water, peanuts and almonds (basically anything aside from junk) the weight just can't stay on. I was tested for a hyperactive thyroid a couple years ago, my metabolism is that fast. I'm also really disciplined w what I eat and working out when I want to be. My mother is the same way with losing weight. After hormones, who knows how my metabolism will be, but before I start I can totally get to 130 with ease. Adding 50lbs on hrt will hopefully soften me up a lot and in the right places. I don't know if I'd want to lose much weight after, maybe just get down to 170-175. I'd go down a bit more if I still looked bulky tho. I guess if I have the money I could also stay heavier and get fat transfers from my male areas.

[immortal gypsy]

You need to talk to a gender therapist about this. You will get better. Do not abandon hope. Get resolute. Find a therapist now and send them an email. Make an appointment. Send an email to your doctor. Talk to a professional. Girls come in all shapes and sizes.

YES YES YES AND YES. How you look is only one part of the package. There is your attitude your personality how you carry yourself voice.  You can look like a runway model but if you believe you are going to be seen as some guy as a dress that is how people will see you. That is why counseling and a support network is so important for all of us. Yes you are right HRT is not a miracle drug that will change your skeletal structure but it will help soften your skin melt away some features and help make you more feminine.  People come in all shapes and sizes so after a little while you will blend in with the rest of the crowd, with nobody being none the wiser
Go directly to a therapist now
Do not pass go
Do not collect $200

[crowcrow223]

Please, give yourself a chance. That comes from a person who 4 years ago posted on this forum a question in regard of removing one of her lungs in order to get smaller ribcage... I was so depressed about my chest and arms I wasn't far from killing myself. I was saying I won't ever live successfuly as a woman with such a broad frame as mine. And 5 years of HRT later... People tell me I'm "petite", "skinny", "slim", those are exact words people describe me with. and I'm stunned at it, as I see a giant, not as much of a giant as I used to but still.

It's all in your head, start HRT, take a deep breath, fight for yourself, get professional help.

Good luck!

[TheQuestion]

That's all I want to do is blend in...

[Incarlina]

I once told a friend that I envied her narrow shoulders, and she replied: "we're the same size, aren't we?" She'd never noticed I was half a mile wider than her because she'd never thought about it. We notice because we think about it, but most cis-folk don't think about it.

[Elanore joey]

theres no need to be down about you size im 6ft 6inch tall i have size 13 uk feet ok i can get in to size 12 (uk) bottoms but my shoulders are that wide that i have to go to between a size 18-22 for tops. and even worse than that before i started a phytoestrogenic diet, if i did not remove bodily hair i could of been mistake for chewbacca out of star wars.

and just remember what one of very hot girl friends told me, tall is sexy

[TheQuestion]

I really appreciate all the comments, they have made me feel a lot better. I'm really hoping I can find a new therapist sometime this week. Hopefully I'll be able to go into things with a positive attitude, and hopefully that will translate. You've all been pretty great, thanks. I guess I just need to get use to the idea that I'm going to be a well build woman.

[AnnahM]

TheQuestion - Don't give up! I'm 6'0" and was muscly before I started transition. I came a hair trigger away from offing myself, but then I had a realization - I had three choices: 1) Continue to live in misery, 2) Off myself, 3) Change. I knew that #1 was no longer an option. Then I realized that I might as well try #3 because if that didn't work out, I could always off myself later. As fate would have it, and about 16 years later, I am here to tell you that I am extremely happy that I didn't choose option #2!!!! And there is absolutely NO WAY I would choose that one now, or ever.

I found that after transition my life turned around 180-degrees for the better. I was happier, people treated me better, good things began happening for me and people were interested in me and my story. I am a firm believer that whatever happens, how people respond to you, depends more on you and your attitude about yourself than anything else. People adopt the attitude you have about it. If you're excited and happy, they are too! If you act depressed and hateful about it, they'll act that way too.

It's hard, but you have to let go of fear. I used to get all dressed-up in the years before I went full-time and when I opened my front door there was a wall of fear so thick I couldn't pass through it... until one day, when I decided ->-bleeped-<- this fear!!!! I'm going outside, AS ME!!!!! And I did. I went to a local support group as Annah Moore for the very first time in my life and I haven't looked back since. Life is as totally kick ass as you make it. Don't let yourself drag you down. Don't let your fear keep you from doing what is in your heart. Don't apologize for who you are, to anyone, not even to yourself. You own you. Nobody else. Own it baby!!!!

[TRyan]

I'm thinking once you have the right hormones in your brain that you're perception of what is possible will shift. 

The best treatment (in addition to therapy) will be to go on HRT.   

[Elanore joey]

have you thought of going onto a phyto-estrogenic diet? its not something you need medical help with as i will only give you a small amount of the hormones that you will be eventually on.
if you eat 200 grams of  foods with a high level of phyto-estrogen's daily your body will absorb about 35-50 mg of estrogen's it doesnt sound alot but since i started this diet at Christmas and after about 4 week i felt thing had really started to change, mostly mentally but also i have lost some body hair and my breasts are more sensitive.

the kind of foods you will be eating are nuts, seeds, dairy, dried fruit and a small amount of beer (beer puts weight on so be careful )

[TheQuestion]

have you thought of going onto a phyto-estrogenic diet? its not something you need medical help with as i will only give you a small amount of the hormones that you will be eventually on.
if you eat 200 grams of  foods with a high level of phyto-estrogen's daily your body will absorb about 35-50 mg of estrogen's it doesnt sound alot but since i started this diet at Christmas and after about 4 week i felt thing had really started to change, mostly mentally but also i have lost some body hair and my breasts are more sensitive.

the kind of foods you will be eating are nuts, seeds, dairy, dried fruit and a small amount of beer (beer puts weight on so be careful )

That's actually my normal diet over the last year of so. I eat a lot of peanuts and almonds, and soy milk as well. I don't really drink beer; I sort of hate the taste of alcohol. I am a bit of a pig sometimes and I can eat a lot of junk. I'm totally addicted to coke, not cocaine mind you, coca-cola and I'm a Dorito fiend; but I can drop that stuff fairly easily. I don't need to lose weight really, but the estrogen would be nice I suppose.

Anyway, I just got in contact with a therapist. I'm just waiting to hear back from her as to when a good time to schedule a session would be.

[svaso]

If that's your face in the avatar, I wouldn't be too concerned.  I think you look great!  I wish I had that. 

I was concerned with body shape as well, but not so much anymore.  I don't have the dream girl shape, but so what?  When I shop I seek help!  It's amazing how different clothing style's can do a lot of the body transformation work for you.  I try to find one of the stores fashion consultants to work with me to find outfits that work best for me.  Trust me, most stores will love to help you.  I'm not as successful when shopping is left up to me. Not everything I like works for my body, but I'm amazed at how other things really work when I wouldn't think they would.  This is what built my confidence.

Stacy~

[TerriT]

Anyway, I just got in contact with a therapist. I'm just waiting to hear back from her as to when a good time to schedule a session would be.

Awesome. Congratulations and I hope she works out for you. This is a big step.