Feeling vulnerable.

[luna nyan]

I was walking back to my car in the city late last night, and for the first time ever, I felt quite uneasy.  Usually I take the shortest route possible and that means quieter streets, and occasionally passing rather raucous groups of men.

As always, I'm presenting as male, but the level of unease I felt passing these people was something that I've never felt before.  Two years of low dose HRT has reduced my strength, and I now find that guys can make me feel intimidated, even though they don't give me a second thought.

Previously I'd just walk by knowing that I'd give as much as I got if worse came to worse.

[Ms Grace]

Indeed - these days I cross the road if I see any one or any group up ahead that I don't like the look of.

[suzifrommd]

I felt that way when I was male as well. I was a skinny and uncoordinated, and I wasn't going to scare anyone in that presentation either. I used to envy tough manly guys because they weren't afraid of those situations.

[immortal gypsy]

Hugs

That uneasy caution and I are very old friends.  So I can imagine how you would of felt. It is sad but it is amazing how quickly you start to notice things like street lights, crowds,  exits,  security (police fire ambulance or security guards). You say you won't let it change you and you not to let it, , but sadly it does. I'm sorry to hear what happened.

[Sammy]

Oh, I totally relate and that feeling sucks - especially in comparison with that "before" attitude, which was mentioned - "returning any "favours"" or psyching myself up to feel  as "the most badass person in the vicinity"...
Now, I when I jog and I see a bunch of guys ahead, sitting or walking, I cross the street... I jog and I see a parked SUV with toned windows, two guys sitting in... I keep as far from them as I can. I cycle through average safety neighborhood, there are 7-8 guys sitting in the shadow, having their drinks, I see their heads turning and following me (I desparately wanna not to pass at that moment, but I know that most probably I do) and I feel like a coward for tensing up, looking straight ahead instead of boldly returning that stare... That... sucks .

[luna nyan]

I used to envy tough manly guys because they weren't afraid of those situations.

I've always had a bit of this as well, but never felt ... Exposed?  May be the best word for it.  I might not have had the raw brawn to beat someone up, but I had the quickness to get away, and knew how to fight dirty if I needed to.   Now that the quickness is gone, it really does make me feel uneasy.

[Sammy]

I've always had a bit of this as well, but never felt ... Exposed?  May be the best word for it.  I might not have had the raw brawn to beat someone up, but I had the quickness to get away, and knew how to fight dirty if I needed to.   Now that the quickness is gone, it really does make me feel uneasy.

It feels like some of that previous confidence is gone, isn't it?
Btw, what do You mean by quickness? I noticed that my dexterity has even increased, except it is not coupled by physical strenght and testosterone induced anger anymore.

[luna nyan]

I mean, I just don't have that sprint speed anymore.  I used to be able to jump up and hang off the basketball rim.  Those days are long gone now.  (Funnily enough, my thighs look the same size *lol*)

Mind you though, the loss of strength has been more an offset by the mental changes.

[Eva Marie]

I "got" the feeling of feeling unsafe and vulnerable within 3 minutes of being out en femme the first time. Previously it never crossed my mind to feel that way.

I also now understand how comforting it is to the lady friends I walked to their cars at night when I was still pretending to be a guy, because gentlemen have been doing the same for me recently.

All of the rules that women instinctively follow are obvious to me now; the veil has been lifted.

Stay safe out there my sisters.