Respect others' identities. No misgendering of a person or their behavior

[Nero]

We've all thought it at one time or another here - 'that trans guy acts like a girl', 'that trans woman talks like a dude', etc. It's bound to happen. We have all different socializations and backgrounds. And we come from so many different places. So it happens that sometimes a trans dude or dudette won't come off like their cis counterparts we're used to dealing with. A lot of times it's probably socialization or who knows what. Other times, we're projecting what guys or gals act like in our neck of the woods onto others. No, most guys here don't act like the cis guys from my area. But neither do cis guys of all kinds. Ya know? Don't forget our members come from all over the world.

But anyway, it's not important whether someone is in your opinion acting contrary to their gender. This is a safe space. For some, this is the only place they are ever gendered correctly. We get enough gender policing off site. This is the one place where it shouldn't happen. So, you come across a trans guy who in your opinion talks like a woman. Or a trans woman who comes off much more dude than dudette. So what?

Just don't go there. Even if you're upset with the person for whatever reason. The only time anyone should ever comment on that score is if the person is asking for gender behavioral/speech, etc type advice.

Help keep this a safe place for all.

[Jill F]

There you go making sense again, FA.

If you say you're a man/woman/non-binary, then that's all I need to know.

I HATE it when people tell me I'm (not really/not much of/don't seem like) a woman because (pick one or more): I'm built like a linebacker, I still watch sports, my voice is barely passable, I am a rock musician, I build guitars, I do home repairs, I have a garage full of power tools, whatever.  Masculinity/dudeliness was literally beaten into me.  I assimilated myself into dudebro culture as best as I could out of a sense of self-preservation.  I can't help the fact I was poisoned by the wrong hormones and I am doing literally everything I can now to salvage what remains of my life.

Don't call me "dude", "man", "sir", "s/him", or whatever.  It sucks.  I have developed a thick skin over the years, but it still stings a bit.  Some of my friends are still trying to wrap their thick skulls around this.  I also hate it when I am addressed by my given name.  My family and friends still slip up occasionally, even after a year of coming out.

I'm sorry to hear that can even happen here, of all places.  I sincerely hope nobody here has ever inferred such a thing because of something I said.

[Declan.]

Thank you for posting this. It needed to be said.

[Shana-chan]

No one here gets to decide who is male, female, IS/trans etc. NO ONE EXCEPT the person themselves! To think that some of us here know what it feels like to be misgendered and mistreated that way and, whether mad or not would still choose to misgender/mistreat a person. LOOK! This is the internet, what this means is two things A) You can walk away and come back after cooling down before replying and B) Just because this is the internet doesn't mean you can do/say whatever you want. There are REAL people here with REAL feelings. Do you HONESTLY WANT to say/do something to someone that might send them to their death bed? If so, you need to rethink yourself as a person and work on bettering yourself!

[Satinjoy]

The stakes are way to high to cross the line on misgendering or on slanting that one identity is of greater value than another.  Most come here in crisis, most do not yet understand what their identity(s) is, and most are extremely sensitive about their own gender and needs and acceptance.  This is  the first place where people probably come out.  It is imperative that they feel safe and accepted on this site.  Susans has a reputation for exactly that.  I, for one, an am absolute raw nerve on acceptance and being GQ, this is the only place anywhere that I think I could have had the necessary life saving breakthroughs to accept that fact, come out here and socially, and not only survive but flourish as a result.

Thank you for posting on this.  And I love the cross genderal discussions we get to have in here, the other perspectives are healthy, valuable and quite wonderful.

Blessings and love to all how post here.

[Hikari]

Quite reasonable. You don't have to type everything you think. Especially when someone angers you.

[Felix]

Thank you.

I especially want to echo that this is a really important place, sometimes the last bastion of safety when the rest of the world can't see people for who they are.