The Key to Our Prison Gate

[PoeticHeart]

As I become more immersed in the trans community, I'm finding that things are not at all what mainstream told me they were. A major hang up point for me was the fact that when I came out as trans, I didn't have a 180 turn. I didn't suddenly feel super connected to other females, simply by virtue of being a female. Through a conversation I had with a trans friend of mine, I discovered that we had something in common (other than the trans thing of course). She expressed similar feelings such as mine upon her coming out -- and it made me think.

Here's the analogy I'll leave you with, and I hope it conveys what I want to say. I felt as though the female part of me had grown so repressed, that part of me was locked deep away within me. By telling people that I was trans, the gates didn't fly open. Instead, I had to go digging. I had to find the true female in me and unlock the chains holding me back.

As time has passed, and I've continued this soul searching, I am finding that I am beginning to connect with other women simply for being women. I've always felt safer with women, but it's different now. It's more of a sisterhood than a 'I'm not afraid you'll attack me' type of thing. I really hope this made sense lol. I just wanted to put this out there for discussion, I suppose. I felt the need to write it here and so here you go.

[Ms Grace]

Nice insight. Our true self is often buried under layers of cis social expectations. My female self felt she was drowning and I couldn't hold my breath any longer.

[PoeticHeart]

Thanks for that!

Our true self is often buried under layers of cis social expectations.

Yes, a million times. A part of my work within myself has been to 'rewrite' things like this. 'Women should do that. Women should feel this way. Women shouldn't do that. Etc.'

As a woman, I firmly say, I can do what I darn well please.

[HoneyStrums]

Well a part of womanhood is acceptance. I find that over time that connection strengthens, eg, I wanted make up, just to have it. But now I have some (although I don't use it often) My sisters are more inclined to ask my opinion, on such things. So I have this whole deeper connection to my sisters just through that.

I can vocalise my, opinions on fashion, "that's crazy spending that much money on something you are going to wear once" and the more of my self I express and the more that self expression is seen the more aspects of who I am are being seen understood and reacted too. So Its like a giant pen of lionesses, and you take one step over the fence. Your still not going to feel part of that pride until one then two, and five, and so forth existing lionesses come up to investigate you and start going hey she's like us, everybody, Its ok she's safe.

And then a stink for what ever reason kicks up, and these lionesses come to your aid and make you feel welcome, and that favour works both ways. Not every lioness is part of the same pride, but woman hood is being a part of one of them.

Well that's how it feels for me.

[gennee]

Sometimes it takes years before our true selves emerge. It's was always in us but it also comes when we ready to acept who we really are. It can be frightening but it can be liberating. I was shocked  when I found out that I was a cross dresser. I researched more and discovered the word transgender which connected with me immediately.

[Taka]

it generally takes years before a person's true self emerges. young children will give up their own identity just in order to get food, a place to sleep, and a caretaker who'll protect them from physical harm. it's a biological function, necessary for the survival of the species, really. parents who are not aware of this can easily inflict mental harm on a child by not giving the child enough room to express their true self in situations where this isn't dangerous.

it takes a long time for an individual to break loose from this deep feeling of a need to be accepted ("loved") by parents, peers, and other groups in society. there are twin studies that show how identical twins who grow up without knowing each other will be rather similar to (foster) family in childhood, but the only grow more and more similar to each other the older they get. down to the prefered brand of cigarettes, even. "older" in this context really means something closer to 60 than 20.

it's quite interesting to read about how humans are programmed with an ability or inclination to adapt and conform to the society they live in. the programming is so strong that it's not weird at all how trans* people will spend a whole lot of time first trying almost too hard to conform to the gender group they really belong to, before they start to learn who they really are, and that this is also an acceptable personality for a person of that gender.

it's a bit like you need a strong feeling that you're accepted into the group before you dare do something that is outside what seems to be the norm.

[LordKAT]

it's a bit like you need a strong feeling that you're accepted into the group before you dare do something that is outside what seems to be the norm.

I think you hit the nail on the head. This is why trans people often try to fit the stereotypes of the gender they identify with.