so depressed and lonely **

[appleonia]

Hello ladies i am so depressed dont what to do i have my first hrt appointment on the 24th of june i have no friends  as when i was previously "married"  devoted all my time to my children and ex wife lost contact with all former friends i mean all of them for nearly 10 years all i did was work ,exercise be a husband and a father even lost contact with majority of my family kept a slight relationship only with my mom and dad which they still dont know about my future transition (hopefully im not disowned and ridiculed) i have came out to my ex wife she has been overall supportive except for the fact that she broke down in tears asking why i want to be a women when im such a handsome man? She asked why dont i continue to crossdress ? Honestly im tired of living a lie then on the other hand i have a ttransgender mtf friend and she only tells me only negative aspects of being a mtf she says how all mtf people are living in poverty cant find employment, homeless she makes it seem like theres nothing positive about transition ,but on the other hand 85% off all other mtf i read about are happy living there lives?? I dont get it?? Im at a crossroad please help IM ALL ALONE AND SO CONFUSED

[stephaniec]

I'm poor but happy, but the pain has been with me since childhood

[Emily1996]

Maybe try to go to a support group for transgender people in your area, and you might get some friends there I guess? I don't really have any friends neither and I'm neither out or transitioning, so I guess I'm just a boring perso and not outgoing at all XDXD

[stephaniec]

Hello ladies i am so depressed dont what to do i have my first hrt appointment on the 24th of june i have no friends  as when i was previously "married"  devoted all my time to my children and ex wife lost contact with all former friends i mean all of them for nearly 10 years all i did was work ,exercise be a husband and a father even lost contact with majority of my family kept a slight relationship only with my mom and dad which they still dont know about my future transition (hopefully im not disowned and ridiculed) i have came out to my ex wife she has been overall supportive except for the fact that she broke down in tears asking why i want to be a women when im such a handsome man? She asked why dont i continue to crossdress ? Honestly im tired of living a lie then on the other hand i have a ttransgender mtf friend and she only tells me only negative aspects of being a mtf she says how all mtf people are living in poverty cant find employment, homeless she makes it seem like theres nothing positive about transition ,but on the other hand 85% off all other mtf i read about are happy living there lives?? I dont get it?? Im at a crossroad please help IM ALL ALONE AND SO CONFUSED

quick research on web does support the fact of poverty, but a lot do make it.

[Umiko]

you make the quality of your life happy or sad. those trans are in those situations because of bad support usually, but they find ways in making it work and learn to be happy with what they have at the moment. choosing to be happy is hard but its not impossible (take it from me, this hypocrite who is still trying to find her way and learning this very lesson the hard way)

[stephaniec]

this is just who I am

[Megan Joanne]

Those that speak only the negative aspects about living transgender lives obviously haven't found happiness within themselves yet, perhaps even think they made a mistake, causing them regret and further pain than they already had prior to it.

Success depends on the individual, not whether you are trans or not. Yes, being transsexual can make things a bit more challenging, especially with jobs and being socially accepted, but if you play your cards right life can still work out fine for you, otherwise why would any of us try.

Throw down the towel, that's it, I'm through, this isn't going to work, my life is ruined, @#$% it, the world is against me anyway, no one will miss me if I clock myself out now. But we go on because we love who we are inside and strive like any living creature to make the best of our lives regardless of how difficult it can be. There are so many things worst than being transsexual.

I live my life as a trans-woman because the other option will only lead to my destruction. I am so much happier with the person I've become, she's still got some growing to do, but at least she wants to live.

[Elanore joey]

i have 1 good friend and she lives 4000 miles from me for 10.5 months of the year and then when she is back in the uk for about 3 weeks each year she is so busy and still lives 300+ miles away so we dont get to see each other alot. I saw her for 2 weeks in February when i went on holiday to where she works. so i know how it feels to be lonely and the only way i know to get rid of the feeling and depression is get out there and have as much fun as possible. iv been on benefits for 2 years except for 5 weeks where i was working in a pub kitchen with a discriminate boss who i ended up head butting ( oops thats not very lady like  ).

now i wouldn't say i wouldn't swap it for anything but its my life and it is what i make of it and one day i dream of a family and to be close to my good friend Claire to be fair we have feeling for each other beyond friendship but the biggest problem is she likes men.

i am also on antidepressant medication that at times rules my life and ruins a day or two

just do everything you can to be happy so of which will feel uncomfortable for a while and start living your own dream, no one has the right to put you down so pull up your socks (or hosiery may be more suitable  ) stand up tall hold your head up and enjoy your life.

if life gives you lemons make lemonade

[imsuzi]

So sorry to hear of your depression. Unfortunately, depression seems to creep in when we are overwhelmed with what lies ahead.
Your friend who told you about MTFs living in poverty was only telling you part of the story. Yes, many struggle financially, but if you look around this site, you will find that most of us MTFs are extraordinarily happy with whatever tradeoff we have made. I don't know where you live, but most large companies today are very conscious of laws that require them not to discriminate against transgendered and many go out of their way to be accommodating. It sounds like you have a tremendous work ethic and track record as an employee and are likely to be one of the percentage who does well. Most of us have learned to be financially frugal and resourceful, and we have found a way of life and sense of peace that money could not buy.

[appleonia]

@imzusi well said thank you for the advice i guess now the ultimate decision is up to me what to do what to do just gotta listen to my heart

[JLT1]

@imzusi well said thank you for the advice i guess now the ultimate decision is up to me what to do what to do just gotta listen to my heart

See a psych and then make a plan.  This isn't easy.  I haven't lost my job.  Ended up loosing my wife and one sister thinks I'm insane.  But I have all my friends and good support at work. 

Hugs,

Jen

[appleonia]

@Jlt1 thats what im gonna do on the 24th this month when it all balls down to it still wanna do it may i ask how old yoi were when you took the big plunge and what steps did you take to get there must say your profile pic looks great

[JayneS]

Hun,

I am so sorry that you are so depressed, this happens when you when you fight you, this happened to me. Once I stopped fighting her she came to the surface and slowly took over now I am full time as of last Monday, scared, nervous but me. This is a hard road babe, but let her live, let her breathe she will reward you! Email me if you want to hun, JayneSarana@outlook.com just to talk sometimes helps, hang in there it will all come together I swear.


Jayne xxxxxx

[Ryan55]

therapist might be able to help you out with the depression feelings, but I wouldn't ever feel alone, you got us on this forum, who for the most part are really supportive here and can be good friends, plus you can always go out and make new friends, and long as your happy, that's all that matters

[JLT1]

@Jlt1 thats what im gonna do on the 24th this month when it all balls down to it still wanna do it may i ask how old yoi were when you took the big plunge and what steps did you take to get there must say your profile pic looks great

Appleonia,


My story is just a little weird, even for me.  I started to write it and realized that it's not time.  I told it all to a woman I have worked with for 17 years.  She cried for a long while and wouldn't talk to me for a week.  I'm not ready to share all of it yet.  I am sorry. 

However, I started counseling in June of 2012, having gotten the phone number for the counselor from the LGBT suicide hotline.  I was 50 years old, had recently quite smoking and had lost 67 lbs in the previous five months because "I didn't want to be a fat woman."

I went in knowing quite a bit, having haunted Susan's and tsroadmap.  Based my time line on one I found at http://www.tsroadmap.com/start/transsexual-transition.html.  It gave me things to think about.

I'm now 52 and am full time as of today.  I'm down just over 100 lbs and am not a fat woman.  I will complete SRS before the end of the year as I have both a medical and psychological waiver. 

I'm sorry I couldn't do better,,

Hugs,

Jen