Should I tell him how I feel, or just keep it in me

[Wild Flower]

I am having a hard time right now. All my dreams as far as my favorite job have died, and I have to settle for a job that I truely do not want (((at my last training unit a quarter of the SSGs thought I was a joke because I couldn't do PT well, and no one believed in me. I written an appeal to get recycle, but they decided to reclass me... and I always think of my last training unit with good and bad memories... but I love my job))) I'm force to do this new job for the next 4 years or so to keep face in my family, GI bill, and because I want to return to the military. I am not the same person as I was when I was training for the other job, and I feel myself so weak right now. When I was training for my last job, I was happy at least for a while, I was able to repress all these TG thoughts.

Now, I don't have anything to live for for really, and the TG thoughts return in full bloom, and it's like they take me away to another place for an hour a day. I see myself wanting men more than ever, and I notice I don't even talk the same... it's either fast and energetic but stupid, or just mellow out and withered.

I don't stand my ground at all, and I let people push me more than ever before.

I have one friend who I talk to everyday, and I think it has a crush on me in a way. I am not sure if I should tell him my TG feelings, and I have no one else to tell. I just don't know. I want to tell him, and if he rejects me he rejects me. I don't think he'll tell anyone. I'm not suicidal, just sad and just going through the motions.

[Blue Rabbit]

-waves- HELLO!

Yea errm you said suppress? Why suppress it? It's not a demon or a bad thing. It's just how you are, I know it might be hard to accept but if you feel the need to suppress it then maybe you should stop fighting it?
I think you should tell your friend if you trust him, if you're going through a hard time it'll be really helpful to have some one to talk to no?

[Kylie]

I would be cautious in telling him.  You sound like you are already feeling pretty alone and isolated.  Have you thought about going to a local LGBT chapter for support?  I just know I told someone once who I was certain would have accepted it and she didn't.  It went badly and I went back in the closet for 17 years.  That was 17 years ago though and things are much different now though.  I'm not saying don't do it, I'm just saying you might want to make certain that you are prepared for all possible outcomes before you do.  It would be good to have a support system in case things don't go well.

Hope it works out for you!  *hugs*