Outcast

[Autumn]

I can't help but feel like an outcast in the trans community. It's so hard to find other trans girls who I can talk to. Even on this site I feel like I go unnoticed. I want to meet people I can relate to and get feedback from. Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. What's the best way to meet others?

[Cindy]

Just keep posting Hon, maybe join in some of the game threads until you get to know people.
And you can always pm a Mod to chat to if you are feeling down

[Ms Grace]

Hey Emily, y'know we all often feel that way.

Why do you feel you might be going about it the wrong way, what kind of person do you feel you can relate to?

Friendships can happen out of thin air but mostly they require a fair bit of chipping away and building trust, learning about shared interests. I'd suggest you just plug away and join in conversations, threads and games - don't worry if you get no responses, don't read anything into it if you do. Everyone here (and everywhere else) will always have a lot going on in their lives, sometimes they will have the chance to respond and connect, other times not. I know sometimes I go to respond to something by someone, get half way through and think I sound like an idiot or a pompous ass and just delete, or I lose my train of thought and pull the plug, or I think about replying but don't get a chance to and then never do, or sometimes I have no idea what to say...so if people aren't responding directly don't take it the wrong way. It's not a reflection on you. Sometimes people will be friendly, other times not...again, it isn't a reflection on you.

Hope that sheds some light on the situation.

[Lady_Oracle]

I can't help but feel like an outcast in the trans community. It's so hard to find other trans girls who I can talk to. Even on this site I feel like I go unnoticed. I want to meet people I can relate to and get feedback from. Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. What's the best way to meet others?

I feel exactly the same way but I know there are a few things I could do to better my chances of befriending people here. But one of them such as showing a pic of myself is something I refuse to do. If this forum wasn't open to the public I wouldn't mind honestly. The other is what Cindy said to just continue posting as much you as can. I've been trying my best to do so but lately I've been feeling like what's the point, I'm not really friends with anyone here and more often than not someone else posts what I was gonna say anyways. I'm just not active enough on these forums I guess *shrugs

Either way I'll continue to post on topics that I can offer some advice on. You never know who might be reading and finds your experiences super helpful to them.

BACK TO THE SHADOWS OF LURK CITY I GO 

[LordKAT]

"To make a friend, be a friend."

Get involved with someone who you think would be a friend by simply telling them they did well or that you honestly understand something they said or did. Continue the conversation, either by PM or in thread. Soon enough they or someone who feels you could be a friend will strike you as someone worthy of trust.

That is usually the beginning of a friendship.

[Emjay]

I know sometimes I go to respond to something by someone, get half way through and think I sound like an idiot or a pompous ass and just delete, or I lose my train of thought and pull the plug, or I think about replying but don't get a chance to and then never do, or sometimes I have no idea what to say..

Very good point Ms Grace.  I know I've done all of these at one time or another.  Honestly, I feel like I'm about to do exactly this right now because I'm not sure what else to say other than agreeing with you! 

Emily, don't let it get you down feeling like you haven't connected with anyone yet.  Keep posting and being visible.  Many if not most of us have spent a lifetime feeling like outcasts just in daily life and that can be a hard thing to overcome, even here among others who really can relate.

Ok, I've written, then deleted way to much here already...  I think I'll leave this post as it is now.

Oh and btw:

Hi, I'm Autumn.  Nice to meet you Emily. 

[stephaniec]

Susan's is the only place I talk to transgender people. I consider everyone a friend on this site and try my best to join in to feel a part . you could also get involved in the LGBT community if there's one around you.

[Hannahh]

Hi Emily,

Happy to see that I am not alone in this feeling and I could write that.
Unhappy to see this feeling in you.

Feel free to exchange and share with me, It would be a pleasure.

Take care of yourself,

Hannah(h)

[Jess42]

I can't help but feel like an outcast in the trans community. It's so hard to find other trans girls who I can talk to. Even on this site I feel like I go unnoticed. I want to meet people I can relate to and get feedback from. Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. What's the best way to meet others?

I am an outcast too. I own it and am actually proud of it too. But here, I don't feel like so much of an outcast. Odd one out sometimes but hey, I'll take that. Just talk Emily. Start a thread about something, much like this one, about what's on your mind. Or just join in a convo on another thread. We are all unique with very unique experiences and we all know the old saying about opinions but everyone has their own and I have found other's opinions and experiences extremely helpful. Just open up.

[ashrock]

Something Ive totally struggled with too, even given up at times... Im determined to make things work, and to be honest, even when I get ignored, just the very fact that I could vent or share means a lot.  I will say, I felt really welcomed and loved, with just the right mix of comfort and pushing to do the right thing when I desparately needed it at the time of my coming out to everyone in my life (especially wife).  Just know, you aren't alone... Id personally love to chat with pretty much anyone around.

[Ravensong]

WooHoo!!!!! YES!!! Someone had the guts I didn't to make this post!  This is exactly how I feel!  I know I don't get to post too much, one because of my work schedule (uber crazy with lots of overtime), and two because I am just starting this journey down the rabbit hole and don't have much in the way of experiences yet.  I do try to read a lot and I do have a tendancy to start a reply and not go through with it because I think I sound like an idiot. 

I'm Dani, btw. 

[Bijou]

WooHoo!!!!! YES!!! Someone had the guts I didn't to make this post!  This is exactly how I feel!  I know I don't get to post too much, one because of my work schedule (uber crazy with lots of overtime), and two because I am just starting this journey down the rabbit hole and don't have much in the way of experiences yet.  I do try to read a lot and I do have a tendancy to start a reply and not go through with it because I think I sound like an idiot. 

I'm Dani, btw. 

This! Omg the amount of times I've typed up a response and did not post it, way too often. I'm not an avid poster here although I try to pop in and at least lurk daily, so I realize there's more of a chance for my posts to go what seems to be unnoticed sometimes, even though I try to chalk it up to people responding to others they're more comfortable with, more sure of, have a relationship with, etc.

[Megan Joanne]

I go to say something, start typing, sometimes even already have a lot typed out, then somehow feel that what I am wanting to say isn't going to be good enough or I didn't like how I phrased it or whatever other silly nonsense going through my head, so delete it. There's someone right now that needs me I think, she's really hating herself right now, feeling she's ugly, but she doesn't seem to be, but I don't know what else to say to her to make her feel any better. I'm not good at this whole helping people bit. As it is I can't even stop crying this morning, having a hard time seeing what I'm typing. This is the worst its been for me. And I know there are those out that that shown they care, but I still have a hard time letting them in, like maybe I'm not worthy of anyone caring.

[ashrock]

I go to say something, start typing, sometimes even already have a lot typed out, then somehow feel that what I am wanting to say isn't going to be good enough or I didn't like how I phrased it or whatever other silly nonsense going through my head, so delete it. There's someone right now that needs me I think, she's really hating herself right now, feeling she's ugly, but she doesn't seem to be, but I don't know what else to say to her to make her feel any better. I'm not good at this whole helping people bit. As it is I can't even stop crying this morning, having a hard time seeing what I'm typing. This is the worst its been for me. And I know there are those out that that shown they care, but I still have a hard time letting them in, like maybe I'm not worthy of anyone caring.

Megan... you are beautiful and worthy of love... What happened? I know its hard but please... Just tell someone, no one can handle life all alone.

[LittleEmily24]

I feel the same way from time to time, usually not on here though, its mostly in RL that i feel like an outcast, not just outcasted from "normal society" but also from the LGB community or the Trans community, its like I'm ignored for the most part. Honestly, there is a new support group starting up in my area and I'm hoping that it might prove fruitful in the friend department... but in my current experience with the local trans community... its mostly Transmen (which i still talk to, but i can't really relate with) and the transwomen that are around are mostly in mid-life and still in the closet... while the other half of the transwomen in my area have already reached passable perfection to the point where they've pretty much chosen to go stealth and stay that way... it sucks because i'm an incredibly social person, and HRT has only allowed me to be MORE social... so its like depriving a dog some affection... I haven't had a decent conversation with anyone since i started transitioning (in person, i mean), i haven't been able to relate to any transwomen or connect with any transwomen in my area at all... -_- but alas, I always open my e-arms for anyone who is interested in talking

Idk if it will mean anything but, I'm always looking for friends to talk to, even if they don't live in my area ~ anyone who wants to be friends is welcome to PM me, I know a lot of people say they are looking for friends and then never respond, but I'm totally legit lol I'm kind of a cellphone/forum whore... you'll get a response from me within minutes >_>. hope that isn't creepy lol i probably won't message anyone or contact anyone first because i have this weird thing where I think i'm annoying... so i don't like to bother people.

I will say that i feel quite at home at Susan's though.. at first i felt the same way on here as I did offline, but now this is the only place I come to so i can remind myself that I'm not ENTIRELY alone >_<

[EllieM]

Emily Glass, the feeling of being outcast hits us all from time to time. Living in the shadows does that. The activity on this thread alone testifies to the fact that you do not go unnoticed and that you should not feel marginalized here.

As for meeting people, there are a whole lot of great suggestions posted in this thread. As you open yourself up to people here, there will be resonance and you will click with someone. I have felt genuine warmth here.

BTW, Grace, Dani, second thought edits, me too and 8<------- <snip>

[Hikari]

I can relate. I do notice however, that after a few years of being here and posting on a semi regular basis, I know lots more about the other people and they know lots more about me and that makes me feel like less of an outcast.

As far as friends, sure I have several IRL, which makes me have less incentive, but I get the feeling I should really reach out to people, especially the ones who live in in the DC/MD/VA area. I mean I am pretty awesome, and other people should be able to share in my awesomeness :p

[Miharu Barbie]

I can't help but feel like an outcast in the trans community. It's so hard to find other trans girls who I can talk to. Even on this site I feel like I go unnoticed. I want to meet people I can relate to and get feedback from. Maybe I'm going about it the wrong way. What's the best way to meet others?

Hi Emily,

It's very nice to see you here.  I hope you'll stick around and post often.  I look forward to knowing more about you.

You're off to a good start; nice post.

Hugs!
Miharu

[Autumn]

Thank you for all the replies. I'm really glad this post didn't go unnoticed. I tend to do the whole type out a response and delete thing too. I often feel like what I have to say is dumb and change my mind about saying it. I'm going to make a better effort in engaging in more conversations. For those that feel the same, I hope we can overcome these obstacles and feel a part of the trans community.

I'm pretty active on social media. If anyone wants to connect elsewhere here's my profiles
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/emily.glass.1044?ref=tn_tnmn

Tumblr
http://www.tumblr.com/blog/voiceofautumnn

[immortal gypsy]

Hi Emily sorry for the late reply.  Like Cindy said join in some of the fun and game threads,  on the plus side you can distract yourself from the day to day issues.  On the downside haven't found one yet.  Also have found sometimes giving support in the what are you thinking l, what made you happy/sad threads is a way to start a conversation sometimes or at least get people to know you and them a little better