Crossroads

[echo_artist]

As the months dwindle down to my my first appointment, my dysphoria has been kicking up a level.
I have these mixed feelings that, the things I want in life (kids,marriage) I see myself being female.
As for the rest of my life, I don't really see a gender. I don't feel comfortable in the skin I'm in because
my body is developing late-- I can't do this!
I had a nervous breakdown last night because i can't  fit any of my guy clothes.
My family is very.....curvy and thick.I was fine without the curves for the 19 years of my life.
seeing myself now is scaring me to no end.
As much as I want to transition, I want to know that I'm not just doing this because I have low
self esteem. The fact that I see myself as both makes me want to split myself.
Plus my boyfriend's and my own family, I don't want to make it even more uncomfortable between us.
I love him, just as much as I love life....but when I feel like this, I can't bare to see another day.
I just some to reassure me that everything is okay....

[helen2010]

echo_artist

Confusion is at first par for the course. Dysphoria is overwhelming and does tend to spike and will generally increase over time but a good gender therapist will help you find a way forward and advise on coping strategies, therapies and introduce you to a good endo if this also makes sense.

Take your time.  Pick your path and don't assume that you know your destination until you have questioned and determined your identity.  You may may be anywhere from binary female to binary male, and this includes a whole range of identities who may see themselves as gender fluid, gender queer, androgynous or any other non binary identity.  Some expressions may require minimal, moderate or significant therapies/treatments .. all may be tested and tried on for size and fit, it is a little like trying on or finding  a new suit.

You may be feeling more than a little overwhelmed.  Don't overthink this or sweat the detail.  Now is the time to find your path.  Everything is ok and will be ok.  Your story sounds very similar to our own experiences.

There is plenty of support and advice available on Susans.

Safe travels

Aisla

[Umiko]

hey frankie, i'd say what you might be is non binary. have you ever considered that?

[echo_artist]

I have.......but I didn't see myself as such because I favored more masculine traits.
I'll look more into it. Thanks for that suggestion Brii.