BPD is common among trans* people. And thanks. Yeah, I know, they do give me just enough for me to survive and not starve, because I'm on a pension that only gives me about $540 a fortnight, it's difficult. I was doing better with my pension as a younger teen, before they got involved and the order got put in place. I did manage to save 10 grand for top surgery, after all. I definitely wouldn't be able to save for anything anymore, my pension got cut by $180 a fortnight last year, and I also have rent and adult things to pay for (Or that gets paid for by either department of human affairs or Public Trust). All of it makes me feel a lot worse, and my own SI has increased a lot since it happened. Been to emergency psych ward at least 20 times in the 11 months. There isn't really a day that goes by and I'm not suicidal and completely numb. I've noticed my dissociations have come back too, so has my severe paranoia. I've told all these dumb people how this makes me feel, and no one really cares, they just blame it on me. They keep complaining that I'm not working with them, and I'm too angry at the workers that do nothing wrong. They do, they call me shim, ask where my penis is, how I have sex, why I'm "doing this ->-bleeped-<- to myself", what my bottom half looks like, how come I have body hair but not facial hair except sideburns, tell me it's ->-bleeped-<-ed up that I like men too, tell me I'll be single for the rest of my life because no one wants to be with a freak etc, the list never ends really. I stopped letting them inside, and if I go out, I lock all my doors so they can't get in. I don't let them take me anywhere, because the places I do go, I don't need help. There's just so many things wrong with this situation.
