Um.. is this a great place to ask for hep?

[BlueGemFox]

Hi, I'm really really new and rather nervous. Im real sorry if this is in the wrong place, I'm just not sure where to go.

Im about 20 years old and currently Identify physically with female. but I really want to be male. Ive always felt myself more as a male all my life since as far back as I can remember. I told my parents when I was 14 but they did not accept it very well, so I kind of forced myself to e female and not worry, but it feels so uncomfortable. after doing many years of thinking and finally a deep talk with a couple friends, I've fully decided that I want to start transitioning.

But, Im not sure where to start and I can't afford a thing Im so poor. I can't ask my parents either, they will refuse to give me money.
Im also wondering how can I bind with a cheap binder, there' no way I can afford an Underworks binder and i need a strong one
I'm about 40DD to DDD (I think. In Australian measurements I'm 16DD)
I really don't know what to do or who should I see.

[PoeticHeart]

Hi!

I'm MtF so I don't know a lot about binders or trans guy stuff, but hopefully I can help somehow.

I understand being poor, I've never been anything but poor my entire life. It's not an easy life. However, that doesn't mean hopeless. Have you tried looking for trans resources in your area? It's possible that there may be a clinic or something that can help those of us who are not well off financially.

If you ever need to talk to someone, I'll be around.

[BlueGemFox]

thank you very much

I think i saw an Australian help website for trans people. Ill have to look it up again.
Is it hard transitioning either way? and is it possible without telling anyone yet? Im not sure how my parens will take it but i really don't want them stopping me again.

[PoeticHeart]

thank you very much

I think i saw an Australian help website for trans people. Ill have to look it up again.
Is it hard transitioning either way? and is it possible without telling anyone yet? Im not sure how my parens will take it but i really don't want them stopping me again.

Ok, so let me work through this in pieces lol.

I'm not gonna lie -- transition is hard on many levels. However, don't let that discourage you. The most rewarding battles are those we fight the hardest. There will be obstacles in your way. Fight for yourself and don't let anyone take that from you.

As for secretly transitioning... on some levels, I think it can be done. Like... you can tell a few people you trust. Assuming they don't tell anyone, it's rather secretive. However, if you go on things like Testosterone, it will have physical effects on your body that will be noticeable (hair in particular, I believe). That's just the hard fact of the medical side of things.

Transitioning comes in many different layers and levels. Doing one doesn't mean you have to do the other. The only thing that matters at the end of the day is if you make yourself happy, whatever that means for you. 

[BlueGemFox]

yeah, and one thing my dad likes to make jokes about my breasts, so that will be the first noticeable thing. I can cover that however by using the excuse that I need one to afford shirts that fit (as my bust just cannot fit in any shirt i wear ><)

With hormones, that might be much later n the process, but I'm hoping by then ill be ready to come out.

[LordKAT]

Waist trimmers come in many sizes and you can adjust the comfort/binding levels easily. They cost about $10 to $20 USD at K mart or Walmart. You can start by the clothing you wear and possibly seeing a therapist. If you need your parents permission to see someone, tell them you want to see someone because of depression. They will often have already noticed that you are depressed.

[BlueGemFox]

Ill see if i can check out Target or Big W for waist trimmers thanks! (Australia doesn't have Walmart surprisingly O: ) luckily, I have a lot of mens clothes, as does my mum too (she's a tomboy and luckily the same size as me.)
Well, they do want me to see someone because of my depression. and the fact I'm possibly asexual now as I confessed to my parents about my orientation.

[LordKAT]

The therapist is likely bound to not tell your parents what you talk about. Bring up gender issues and ask about it, you may have found an ally in educating your parents on who you are. They may be able to find doctors and such for you when it comes time to need them. Use it to your advantage as much as possible.

[BlueGemFox]

That will be good, I shall see abut seeing a therapist asap. I wonder if its possible for them to also help me afford better binders and such too.

[Felix]

Transition is going to be very difficult if you can't move out of your parents' house first. It sounds like they have emotional and financial control over you, and any changes you make will be complicated by that.

This is a good place to ask for help. Transition is going to be difficult no matter what your circumstances, and you will need the social support. Try to get to an lgbt center if there's one near you, and if not, try to ask questions and seek understanding online. Definitely try to get a therapist.

This is the current standard for how to proceed - http://www.wpath.org/

Even if they don't speak in language you like, or if you disagree with some of their assumptions, wpath is excellent to be equipped with if you need to stay objective when discussing your situation with loved ones or healthcare professionals. Evidence, safety, and best practices, not whims or emotions, so nobody can accuse you of making this up or of imagining what you think you need.

For more practical info for your own use, use Hudson's - http://www.ftmguide.org/

I got my first binder from the Big Brothers Binder Program. I understand that their exclusion criteria is hurtful to some people, but if you fall into their parameters, it's worth applying.
http://www.thetransitionalmale.com/BBUBmain.html

[Jo-is-amazing]

OK, so from you're post I'm going to assume you're Australian,
because of that cost is not going to be a big issue whatever you
decide to do
I'm from Brisbane, so basically everything short of GRS is still heavily subsidised

[Jo-is-amazing]

how old are you?
because trans* or not if you're under 18
if you want to actually make physical changes
you're going to need the help of you're parents

especially in Australia

[BlueGemFox]

Im not sure if theres a lbgt near Cairns or so, but I can have a look around, and thanks for the resources!
I do earn money but its on Centrelink benefits (australians will know that, sort of like welfare) and many young australians know you get stuff all on that. My parents also like to borrow a lot of money off me too, which makes it difficult.

and I'm 20 years old so nicely over 18. Bust sadly, I'm unemployed .
Seeing as you're in Brisbane, I think it would be the same for me too with prices and such, being in the same state. Im glad we can at least get subsidies, because many medicines are so expensive damn!
Im going to be pestering my parents for a therapist, but its hard, they're concentrating on getting my brother to one first.

[Marcel]

Im not sure if theres a lbgt near Cairns or so, but I can have a look around, and thanks for the resources!
I do earn money but its on Centrelink benefits (australians will know that, sort of like welfare) and many young australians know you get stuff all on that. My parents also like to borrow a lot of money off me too, which makes it difficult.

and I'm 20 years old so nicely over 18. Bust sadly, I'm unemployed .
Seeing as you're in Brisbane, I think it would be the same for me too with prices and such, being in the same state. Im glad we can at least get subsidies, because many medicines are so expensive damn!
Im going to be pestering my parents for a therapist, but its hard, they're concentrating on getting my brother to one first.

I'm also over the age of 18 and also unemployed so I need to come out to the parents for help.
Not sure how much HRT would be in there though. Ask your parents and convince them that you really need one.

[BlueGemFox]

maybe i could convince my parents that its the reason why i am so depressed. I have a very long history at attempting suicide and self harm, many times over this issue. My parents hate seeing me like that so I might be able to, I'm just afraid that if i tell them now before I've started my first steps in transitioning, they might try to stop me before i do.

[LordKAT]

Why not tell them you have questions and want to see someone about the depression. Let them find out when you have a therapist for back up.

[Jo-is-amazing]

I can't speak for FTM's, but the medications for HRT are all listed on the PBS, so yeah...
but even with all the right referrals and stuff an endocrinologist appointment will set you back
about $80 even with medicare.

As for therapists, I don't know any that specialise in LGBT issues in Cairns
but at the moment I'm claiming about 75% of the cost of seeing one on Medicare.

Also when 'coming out' to your parents, remember the general rule:

Answer rational Arguments with rational arguments, and;
Answer emotional arguments with emotional arguments

<3 I don't know if that helps, but that advice really helped me with convincing my parents <3

[BlueGemFox]

Monday, which is great. I ended up having a conversation with my dad late last night and had it directed around the fact I'm asexual and i need something to help my breasts. He ended up getting the hint that I want to start changing and said take it a step at a timeI could possibly get something done for my breasts. (they are very heavy and big and hard to hide them too, especially since I'm a rather skinny person) He still mentioned about influences and not to be someone I'm not and don't need t be a guy to do guy things. I decided not to say anything back but at least its a step.

and at least Medicare rebates that. $80 isn't as bad as $200 luckily!
and thanks for the tip! Il keep it in mind when i fully come out!

[Jo-is-amazing]

Judging by that ^ , I think he's probably just afraid of losing his daughter...  :')
and even though it might seem a tad conservative, that advice he gave is actually really good
(and kinda promising )

Good luck with the future

[BlueGemFox]

really? heh I guess thats a plus! And i suppose so, he always wanted kids. and he proud of daughters.
Well, I'm planning on going non binary first, then tradition in to male. take it step by step, and hope its not too much of a shock to my parents.