Well then! That went crashing down quickly!

[FilaFord]

So I'm having a breakdown today.  Sorry for the rant! 

After starting my job at the post office in April, I have been on a bit of an emotional high.  I'm at a job that I love that pays really well, and my wife and I are slowly coming to peace with everything and I was going to move out of the house this week to my own apartment closer to work.  Well, she got me all nervous about the financial situation because the last couple of weeks the hours have been much lighter than they had been.  I figured it wasn't too big of a deal, even if I only got 20-30 hours a week, I would be able to scrape by, and most weeks I had been getting 35-60 hours, so it should all even out.  Then I looked at the schedule today and saw that next week I am only slated for 12 hours.  People could call in sick, but I can't live like that!  I have bills to pay.  On top of that they want me to buy a new car that is right hand drive so that I can use it on the routes that I need to!?  UGHHHH

So, I started thinking about it and I think that it is time to tell my parents.  They know that I am dealing with a lot of issues and have been stressing that they are here for me, and I am just going to need to suck up my pride, tell them I am trans, and then ask them for some help.  I've been thinking about going back to school for nursing and I think it's a good opportunity to do that now.  I can still work at the post office while going to school at night as long as they will let me live with them for a little bit.  It definitely doesn't sound as appealing as getting my own place, but I definitely can't afford to live on my own if I am only working 8 days a month! 

*deep breath*

Okay, I know what I need to do, but I am so nervous about telling them.  I know they love me and they will be accepting eventually, but I also know that as soon as they know then things are going to be different between us. 

It just feels like living with them will delay my transition again, but I think I am just going to have to deal with it and show my gratitude by living happily within whatever rules they establish.

[stephaniec]

well, there is a good chance that your parents will be parents and love you no matter what. For the things I did a lot of fathers would of probably disowned me ,but my dad stuck by my side and I'm eternally grateful

[LittleEmily24]

I can understand the way you feel; I was nervous about telling my parents too for the same reason.. i knew they would support and love me... but things were different afterwards, slightly awkward, and also i felt weird putting my guard down and taking off my "male filter" persona around them.... But if its any improvement for hope ~ now my mom and dad are back to normal again and even though my dad still has a very VERY hard time with this, my mom treats me and addresses me as the person I am.

It *might* be difficult at first, but things will pick up just give it time to sink in and settle. My mom told me this on tuesday after I was talking to her about my dad and the rest of the family;

"Soon, this will all be as if it always was and a couple of years later, everyone will forget that you were ever male to begin with." Even though I find that hard to believe, I feel like she might have a point. There will come a time where what now seems difficult to understand and hard to grasp, will turn into nothing but "I'd like you to meet my niece/daughter/sister/wife/girlfriend etc."

[FilaFord]

Yeah, I am definitely thankful to have my parents, and hopefully after I tell them I will still be feeling that way

It was just such a down moment.  Going from thinking I'm making great money and able to live on my own and be comfortable to my hours getting cut in half and then some!

[stephaniec]

Yeah, I am definitely thankful to have my parents, and hopefully after I tell them I will still be feeling that way

It was just such a down moment.  Going from thinking I'm making great money and able to live on my own and be comfortable to my hours getting cut in half and then some!

yea, the job thing is a downer. that happened to me and it's not fun

[FilaFord]

I can understand the way you feel; I was nervous about telling my parents too for the same reason.. i knew they would support and love me... but things were different afterwards, slightly awkward, and also i felt weird putting my guard down and taking off my "male filter" persona around them.... But if its any improvement for hope ~ now my mom and dad are back to normal again and even though my dad still has a very VERY hard time with this, my mom treats me and addresses me as the person I am.

It *might* be difficult at first, but things will pick up just give it time to sink in and settle. My mom told me this on tuesday after I was talking to her about my dad and the rest of the family;

"Soon, this will all be as if it always was and a couple of years later, everyone will forget that you were ever male to begin with." Even though I find that hard to believe, I feel like she might have a point. There will come a time where what now seems difficult to understand and hard to grasp, will turn into nothing but "I'd like you to meet my niece/daughter/sister/wife/girlfriend etc."

Thank you so much for your response!  This definitely gives me some hope that the awkward stage will pass sooner than I think!  Were you close with your dad?  My dad and I are like drinking buddies.  We always watch sports together, play pool, drink beer, play cards.  I still enjoy all of that stuff (minus the beer - too many calories) but I don't know how that will work but I always see it developing into the relationship between Clint Eastwood and his daughter in "Trouble With The Curve" 

[LittleEmily24]

Thank you so much for your response!  This definitely gives me some hope that the awkward stage will pass sooner than I think!  Were you close with your dad? 

Me and my dad never really had a close relationship, at least not as close as my relationship with my mom ~ but this is because in my childhood he would always travel to south america for business and he would never be around ~  I don't resent him for it though. But we have a pretty average relationship :3 he would give me advice and stuff and long (but heartfelt) lectures about life and people and what not, and he was always the person I went to for a more consoling response when i was feeling upset, my mom often became too harsh with her words or would get angry with me at certain times of my depression or anxiety attacks.

My dad and I are like drinking buddies.  We always watch sports together, play pool, drink beer, play cards.  I still enjoy all of that stuff (minus the beer - too many calories) but I don't know how that will work but I always see it developing into the relationship between Clint Eastwood and his daughter in "Trouble With The Curve"

lol NO kidding.... I stay away from beer LOL I mean i love certain craft beers but... it gets me all bloated and then i feel fat x_x i'll take my vodka tonics TYVM lol I can't drink like I use to though lol

Honestly, I find that to be so cute... I remember wondering on the idea of my transition kinda strengthening my connection with my dad =/ the thing is that my dad is very hispanic and very testosterone driven, so even though he is accepting and liberal and nice, he is still having a very hard time embracing his "daughter". These kinds of things are still taboo in the hispanic community and my dad was always one for making LGBT based jokes (all in good fun, he's never had anything against anyone LGBT, he makes racial jokes too ) and now he feels afraid of saying anything around any of us (me and my brother) because I'm trans-lesbian and my brother identifies as Gender Neutral Bi-sexual, and my brother traumatized my dad after the last couple of years when he came out as bi, because he became this nit-picking LGBT activist with a stick up his ass -_-, so now my dad doesn't even TOUCH any LGBT subjects out of fear that my brother might get into an argument with him =/

I really think maybe its more my brother's fault that my dad is the way he is now... but I would love to be able to hug my dad without feeling like a burden ~ he would never tell me that he's having a hard time because he wants me to feel like I have his support and acceptance, but my mom tells me about all the times they talk and how he's just struggling to embrace me as his daughter and not his son. Alternatively; he was always super protective of both me and my brother, so now he constantly lies awake at night because he's afraid i'm going to get hurt or killed even though I'm in Miami and finding a straight/cis-normative person down here is a commodity LOL. Its a cultural thing really... anyway; sorry for going off on a tangent hahaha, I think that because you have a close relationship with your dad, maybe you'll have better luck than me and might actually achieve that "trouble with the curve" father-daughter relationship <3

[RosieD]

Telling the 'rents (or anyone else who matters to you) is always going to be difficult. The approach I used all along was to prepare a bit. I would work out what I wanted to say, how much I was comfortable sharing and what I absolutely would not talk about. After that I ran through the questions that I thought might come up and worked out how I wanted to answer them.

It doesn't make the act itself any less heart-thumpingly, throat bindingly, stomach butterflyingly less terrifying but at least you should have a vague idea about how to deal with the situation.

Rosie

[ashrock]

The reckless abandon route works too, though I realize its not for everyone.  I got to the point where I just could not hide it anymore and pretty much came out to everyone in a short span, not preparing the conversations, just going into it and letting it unfold.  Usually started pretty awkwardly, but once the whole initial I managed to out out that im transgender everything kinda flowed from there, some people needed information on what that meant and we would discuss that, others got the idea and wanted to know what I was going to do with my life, others just didn't really even want to know anything so I didn't push it and let them think about it and talk when they where comfortable.  Just don't push more information onto a person than they can hear, they can get overwhelmed and not understand anything you tell them. A pretty easy in is: "I have gender identity dysphoria", to which most people will ask questions that you can gage where you need to go in the conversation from.
It worked out quite well, the only bad one was with my mom, but that one would have been sour no matter how much I prepared.  It went well at first with my SO even, but eventually (couple of months later) made the mistake of not letting her approach me about information she wanted and pushing her to discuss something (major blowout as a result)
You can drive yourself crazy trying to find the best way to tell someone and overprepare for a situation that likely works out even better when you just let it unfold anyway.

[FilaFord]

Well, I have three letters written out - one each for my mom, dad, and brother.   They have been proofread and edited and are ready to be delivered, but I intend on telling them in person first, and then giving them the letter as a way of saying "sorry for fumbling my words because I'm a big ball of nervousness, but here is what I was trying to convey in actual words and phrases"

I just can't ever seem to find a time that is good to squeeze in a "oh btw I'm trans" yet

Maybe I will blurt it out at dinner tonight.  I'll tell my wife and sister-in-law (both already know) to get it on video. 

Edit:  The main part of the rant was because of my job cutting my hours though!  How do they expect someone to live off of 12 hours a week!?

[stephaniec]

the sad thing is they know that no one can live on that. They did that at my company until the company finally went under.

[Ms Grace]

I'm not sure where you are in your transition, but I'd suggest letting them know and then see how they feel about meeting you in your preferred gender and whether they can cope with that, call you by your preferred name and not misgender you (including, behind your back). If they can't do that then I'd suggest you'd ultimately find it very difficult to live them, it could impact significantly on your social life, work and study...and on you emotionally. Have you thought about talking with work to see what is up with the schedule and why your hours are going down?

[Suziack]

FilaFord,  There's a lot of behind the scenes information that we're really not privy to, such as the working situation with your wife, your expenses, etc. I would suggest that if you get a chance to get back to school - take it. As regarding your work, Ms Grace is right, there is a real impetus to find out why your hours are being cut, and to see if you can't talk to a manager, tell them the situation, and see if you can get your hours increased, and on a consistent level. If you can't, and there is no better prospects in the foreseeable future, you should seriously consider finding another job (whether you keep this one or not). Still, I'd try really hard to go back to school and learn a profession. Nursing - there's going to be a high demand for it!

[Suziack]

Well, I have three letters written out - one each for my mom, dad, and brother.   They have been proofread and edited and are ready to be delivered, but I intend on telling them in person first, and then giving them the letter as a way of saying "sorry for fumbling my words because I'm a big ball of nervousness, but here is what I was trying to convey in actual words and phrases"

I just can't ever seem to find a time that is good to squeeze in a "oh btw I'm trans" yet

Maybe I will blurt it out at dinner tonight.  I'll tell my wife and sister-in-law (both already know) to get it on video. 

LOL.... I wish I could be there, holding the camera!