Hi everyone!
I am Nikki, I am 27 and I just recently accepted the fact that I am female inside. I Have known since my earliest memories as a child. I have had countless day dreams and other fantasies and dreams about being female.
Accepting it was not easy, I almost killed myself a couple of times and then took at look at my life and realized I was slowly killing myself for the past 10 years. I would sit on my computer and hide behind video games and smoke lots of pot to dull my female emotions. I had been to the point where I was drinking 2 giant 2liters of pop a day and finishing entire pizzas by myself, cramming junk food down my thought hoping I would have a heart attack and die.
Denial for me has been the worse though, when I thought it cant be done, or ill be ugly, or im too fat, or my friends will leave me and ill be alone, I would just take those excuses and run with them.
I had never been attracted to gay men so I was always confused on why I felt this way. Then I learned Gender orientation is different than sexual orientation.
I have been secretly watching transition timelines for about 5+ years and always imagining myself trying to do the same thing.
When I realized that being depressed and hating myself isn't going to make it feel better, I accepted who I was. And honestly, Im the happiest I have ever been in my entire life.
To think, being female has been on my mind every day of my life, and I just shoved it under the rug like a lazy procrastinator.
Any who, I really look forward to being myself and actually being happy for the rest of my days.
Now Im almost 2 weeks into acceptance, I have been on a diet and working on my body daily, and scheduled to see a therapist to start gender therapy.
I quit smoking pot and I only drink water and eat healthy foods.
I have literally never felt this good, my self-esteem is so very high I feel like crying when I type this out.
I shaved my beard yesterday and saw my real face, ( I haven't shaved it all off in years) I got to say, I am going to be a very beautiful woman and look forward to all the great things I missed out on growing up as a biological male.
I have no fashion sense, I don't know makeup, I don't have any girly cloths that fit. I am literally on ground zero here.
Anyhow that's my slightly complex story, and I am happy to share it with you.
