I just wanted to thank everyone around for sharing, for supporting, and for just being so beautiful in general and give a bit of an update to the state Im in now.
I started hormones 4 months ago. Ive been rather stuck between genders for about 2 months with most people refusing to even gender but on the rare cases they did it came back mostly male, this past weekend got some rather significant "mail fails", most notably fathers day which was... an interesting day for me... all day I was gendered female despite my attempt (though I must admit was half-hearted) to act and dress male at my exes request. Ive been practicing my makeup in the evenings lately, and gone out a couple of times in it. Though I still cant tell if im passing well or not and need more time out and interaction, the lack of awkward looks and stares that I seem to get all the time in androgynous clothes and no makeup seems very promising to me. Last night after going out, I didn't ever want to go back to the apartment, and dreaded ever going out without makeup again, but it takes so long for me to do it right now and I don't enough clothes and not much time to shop.
The thing that really struck me in a really deep way after last night, was I get this really weird feeling every time I wash makeup off my face that a little something that was male somehow comes off with it. I look at myself in the mirror with my bare, damp face and I see more and more of a woman. It is a feeling I remember from my teenage years that I hadn't thought about in years.
Today I am kinda tearful (mostly in a good way) with where I am and where I am going. Each step is emotionally easier than the last, and I have seen emotional growth beyond anything I ever could have asked for. Through some dark, scathing events over the past couple of weeks I have been steadfast and mostly unwavering. I know now I made the right choice. Now I just gotta figure out what to do now, I feel so disconnected from what I wore today (and my androgynous wardrobe), this shirt is prolly gonna get donated later on today lol.
