Which gender do you present as?

[sad panda]

Would-be detransitioner here but I still present as a girl because I don't really know where to go from here. I'm kinda stuck, it would be a long way to passing male regularly, it would mess with my life a lot and I don't know what I am / am not ready to give up to try and pass. Right now I'm just trying to get thinner and then my face will be more able to go either way like it was as a cis boy. I don't identify as trans but I stay around because I still have the experience of being transitioned to cope with, you know?

[mac1]

Would like to be able to present as female.

[AnneB]

I present more as a '73 Toyota than a female.
(ok, hoped that made you giggle)

<----- this is as close to passing as I'll ever get.  I can totally pass, to any piece of furniture in a dark room.  They wouldn't know the difference anyway.  While I'm almost 8mos total btwn herbals and drug HRT, I am a total zero in any hair or makeup category, so there is less than zero chance I'll venture out enfemme.  Closest I get is wearing my jeans and calf boots or Haley Avia sneakers out in the world.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

I present as very masculine.  I've yet to leave the house en femme.

[Khaleesie Fiona]

I am so like this too. While I won't step outside with what I'm wearing now, I will step outside wearing a very similar, slightly toned down style that I got in the Men's department. There's quite a lot of androgynous clothing in the Men's department of any major department store these days, if you look. I haven't really gotten to breaking that boundary yet either, though the androgynous side of clothes in the Junior's department seems the logical next step, not full on floral print dresses or something else totally feminine.

My male persona is the antithesis of my female persona. Been a hardcore biker for around 30 years, even been in MCs. So, it would be VERY difficult to all of a sudden change  my persona. It's all so confusing......

[Shantel]

I really missed the boat on this topic and will expand somewhat on my earlier comments in this thread since this deals with appearance and how we dress. Let me take a step backwards and say that my name "Shantel" has really become somewhat of a misnomer as there was a time when I was headed toward full transition but had a change of heart and took a tangental course instead and thus coined the term transdrogynous as a self description and go with "Shan" instead because I am an androgynous male who transitioned to this point from a formerly type A alpha. It's been a long road, twenty years now since starting. Having never really dressed en femme and frankly would look rather ridiculous in a dress, perhaps if I wasn't built like a football fullback I'd have a different attitude about that as I do like dresses.

What really got me going was the total lack of color and style in menswear, not much has changed in a hundred years, the same drab earth tones. Finally I got rid of all my men's suits, ties and so called "Office casual" clothes and began to get some style and color in my wardrobe. I kept one men's sport's jacket just in case I need to present more male for some special occasion, other than that I have a drawer full of colorful women's long and short sleeved T shirts, some are Henley's that button to the breast bone, none have collars, yea! What's with collars? I'm not a dog and ties are dangerous, an attacker can swing you around in circles by your tie and throttle you. I have other women's tops but stick with solid colors as opposed to patterns as I don't want to come across as too femme as it just wouldn't be me. I have another drawer full of both solid black and solid white cotton tanks like the one I'm wearing in my avatar sans bra. They and the T-shirts are clingy so you can't have a big pot belly and look decent in them. I have a drawer full of different bras as twenty years on feminizing HRT has left me with a few extra attributes and it's preferable that they don't bounce and jiggle around too much. Black ones for under dark tops, white ones for under white tanks, and flesh tone for under light shirts and tops where no under shirt is being worn.

I have a collection of men's slim fit and skinny fit Levis, I like women's jeans but the pockets aren't deep enough to accommodate a flat wallet in back and car keys and money clip in front, so I'm sticking with mens' because I won't deal with a purse. I wear my silver grey hair full on the sides and back in an upsweep style and usually a baseball cap to cover the sparseness on top. My spouse loves it and thinks I usually look like a manic orchestra conductor with a grey mane blown every which way. I like sandals this time of year, I have some Clarks and a pair of Josef Seibel women's mediums which fit like a men's C width as I have narrow feet for a male, I have a few pairs of women' Propet shoes which are sort of unisex but look good and the medium width better suits my feet as opposed to the fact that most men's shoes start out at D width and wider. So personal foot comfort is one of my big issues. I don't wear makeup, though I did at one point, but TBH it's a real pain-in-the ass to do every day and really isn't me anyway.

So there you have it, that's pretty much my androgynous mentality concerning my own style choice, hope it gives you some ideas for your own personal look. It's all quite subtle really and no-one gives me any static over it.

[AnneB]

Shantal, I LOVED reading that... manic orchestra leader.. almost made me spit my coffee! 

There are times/days, where I would love to be in a  knee-length flowing dress.. Clingy.. Maybe, but no so much.   And I absolutely can not stop myself loving or hating the dresses on tv personalities..   I watch a lot of Weather a channel, and.. like this morning.. idk her name, sort of a new face, but she's in a 3/4sleeve, just above knee, really nice med blue dress.. I LOVE it.  I don't have any heels to go with it (don't have any heels at all), but I can see myself in it.  But I'm smaller than a fullback (<-- pic) so it wouldn't look so out of the ordinary.  I'd be terrified to wear it out of my room.  I only dress when out on trips each week, and never out the door.   idk if I could get away with androg, with the wife. The hair is starting to get unruly, so I'd have to do something abt it in the next month or so.. Liking a pixie-type cut, but knowing it'll take months and months to grow it back, don't know if I'm brave enough to.

I totally agree, why don't menswear have more colors?? It's like buying the model T.. Can be any color you want as long as that's black.  Yeah, I have some red, and maroon, and green polo shirts, and a lot of black tees, some khaki color, grey, but they're tees.. with the girls hanging off my front now, I can only wear black tees to hide/camouflage the shadows, make them less noticeable..  with my black jeans, I'm almost in goth mode.  *sigh*

[Shantel]

Shantal, I LOVED reading that... manic orchestra leader.. almost made me spit my coffee! 

There are times/days, where I would love to be in a  knee-length flowing dress.. Clingy.. Maybe, but no so much.   And I absolutely can not stop myself loving or hating the dresses on tv personalities..   I watch a lot of Weather a channel, and.. like this morning.. idk her name, sort of a new face, but she's in a 3/4sleeve, just above knee, really nice med blue dress.. I LOVE it.  I don't have any heels to go with it (don't have any heels at all), but I can see myself in it.  But I'm smaller than a fullback (<-- pic) so it wouldn't look so out of the ordinary.  I'd be terrified to wear it out of my room.  I only dress when out on trips each week, and never out the door.   idk if I could get away with androg, with the wife. The hair is starting to get unruly, so I'd have to do something abt it in the next month or so.. Liking a pixie-type cut, but knowing it'll take months and months to grow it back, don't know if I'm brave enough to.

I totally agree, why don't menswear have more colors?? It's like buying the model T.. Can be any color you want as long as that's black.  Yeah, I have some red, and maroon, and green polo shirts, and a lot of black tees, some khaki color, grey, but they're tees.. with the girls hanging off my front now, I can only wear black tees to hide/camouflage the shadows, make them less noticeable..  with my black jeans, I'm almost in goth mode.  *sigh*

With that trim figure you could probably pull it off in a dress rather nicely!

As for dealing with the spouse, if you go about this slowly and incrementally in terms of androgynous style changes and discuss your reasoning it will help her get over the hump. Just had our 45th wedding anniversary on the 26th and though there were some rough spots we've come to the place where she tells me that I have a great ass and that I am extremely sexy in her estimation, believe me that's a major milestone for this conservative little woman!

[Blue Senpai]

I'm still going as female, doing nothing to correct people in using my birth name and female pronouns. No point in telling people to change their habits when I haven't started T yet.

[AnneB]

aw... made me tear up, thanks hon...  Made me giggle too, with the great ass comment. 

I have been going pretty slowly as it is.. No kidding, in almost.. 9 mos now, no one has really noticed my chest.  Situationally Unaware it's called.. I colored my hair in Feb, nails have gotten longer,and she did see my shaved arms (grown back now), but these things.. She's either denying it, or I'm always hunched over (nope), or just has not noticed.  We haven't been naked in front of each other in many months, so.. eh..  still, I'll try the androg way, and see how that goes.

[Khaleesie Fiona]

I guess I'm a bit of an enigma. As male. I want black. Black, jeans (maybe blue, but prefer black) and a black (or close to it) T-shirt without sleeves (I'm hot blooded). As a female, I like feminine colors and styles. I guess I do indeed have two totally different personas.....

[Shantel]

aw... made me tear up, thanks hon...  Made me giggle too, with the great ass comment. 

I have been going pretty slowly as it is.. No kidding, in almost.. 9 mos now, no one has really noticed my chest.  Situationally Unaware it's called.. I colored my hair in Feb, nails have gotten longer,and she did see my shaved arms (grown back now), but these things.. She's either denying it, or I'm always hunched over (nope), or just has not noticed.  We haven't been naked in front of each other in many months, so.. eh..  still, I'll try the androg way, and see how that goes.

My experience has been that it's always easier to ease your loved ones into any changes incrementally rather than going off in their face like an atom bomb, lots of conversation coupled with that in a calm voice makes a load of difference as well, there will be some reasoning and compromises made and some compromises won't be acceptable to you so just go ahead on the QT and do what you're going to do and they will come to accept it. Shrill voices and screaming only creates insta-walls and an impenetrable impasse, best not to go there.

@Blue Senpai this will work for you too when you get started!

[Kimberley Beauregard]

Shantel, thanks for sharing that with us, it was an interesting read.

I present as very masculine.  I've yet to leave the house en femme.

I want to elaborate more on this.

I've never considered buying androgynous clothes.  Though I have an idea of how I'd like to dress (like Brian Molko of sissy-goth-rockers Placebo in the video for "Pure Morning"), I've never taken the time to go out and find/buy those clothes.  I either present in a very masculine or feminine manner, nowhere in between.

A lot of my women's clothes aren't what you'd call "every day wear".  It's more like party wear.  My sister says to hell with it and go out like that, and I would if it wasn't such a ballache to do my makeup, which is essential.  Short skater skirts, vibrant v-neck tops and blouses, that kind of thing.  The most "suitable" for every day wear is my black v-neck top and pencil skirt.

When going out as a male (i.e. all the time), I almost always wear black jeans now.  Boot cut and loose fitting is the way to go for me.  I always wear two of my favourite pairs which only cost me £13 each from Amazon.  My ass has always been a little bigger, there's nothing that doesn't accentuate it.  I have two pairs of black shoes - some Kickers and some normal "smart" shoes from Clarks (now falling apart).  They go with anything.  I have an old pair of brown shoes which I wear when going out with a black hoodie or shirt.  Speaking of shirts, I like polos and Henleys.  Polos tend to get loose around the waist area quickly, I prefer Henleys as they fit well.  I like most collared shirts in neutral colours.

Combine that with the upper body workouts I'll never like to stop doing (and it's handy to have upper body strength in my job), I present in a very masculine manner.  I might wear women's boxers and pantyhose underneath and paint my toenails, but on the outside, I'm unmistakably male.  Even with plucked eyebrows, a slightly feminine face and soft-spoken (albeit deep/booming) voice.

[Shantel]

Kimberley,
        I've never applied myself to my voice mostly because I'm lazy and it's a lot of work to retrain oneself and since I am predominantly male in my androgynous presentation it wouldn't make much sense and only result in a lot of unnecessarily raised eyebrows, better to come off as just different and perhaps somewhat eccentric rather than just plain weird. We each have to find a balance in what works best on an individual basis. If I was full on MtF I'd definitely be saving my $$$ for a trip to Yeson as I am impressed with the results of the women here who have been there and a massive amount of FFS would be in the offing as well.

[Kimberley Beauregard]

Yeah, I'd like to practise a female voice but I currently won't use it much.  Thankfully, it doesn't look as if I'd need FFS or VFS.

[Umiko]

i'm a neutral being outside as well as inside. i prefer not to be gendered until i have my first androgynous fail lol

[crystals]

i recently detransitioned..yea it sucks
been on mtf hrt for over 8 months but due to medical issues rising my doctor never let me over 2mg per day.. after realising that currently im not mature enofgh in my own eyes to transition as i freak out over anything and just cant deal with anything by myself i decided to detransition wait a year or a bit more then a year [will be 21/22 by then]
finish my last year of my volunteer program and start transitioning again
currently i dont present as female [it was one of the hardest parts for me in the first place i knew i want to do it and would feel great if i will but could never pick up the courage to start doing so] so im back to living fully as male but i keep my female identity in mind and friends

[Shantel]

i recently detransitioned..yea it sucks
been on mtf hrt for over 8 months but due to medical issues rising my doctor never let me over 2mg per day.. after realising that currently im not mature enofgh in my own eyes to transition as i freak out over anything and just cant deal with anything by myself i decided to detransition wait a year or a bit more then a year [will be 21/22 by then]
finish my last year of my volunteer program and start transitioning again
currently i dont present as female [it was one of the hardest parts for me in the first place i knew i want to do it and would feel great if i will but could never pick up the courage to start doing so] so im back to living fully as male but i keep my female identity in mind and friends

Sounds like a smart plan, it's never good to jump right in with both feet when you're not ready and have loose ends to deal with first, besides you are young yet. Be sure and stay in touch with your extended family here though.

[mac1]

With that trim figure you could probably pull it off in a dress rather nicely!

As for dealing with the spouse, if you go about this slowly and incrementally in terms of androgynous style changes and discuss your reasoning it will help her get over the hump. Just had our 45th wedding anniversary on the 26th and though there were some rough spots we've come to the place where she tells me that I have a great ass and that I am extremely sexy in her estimation, believe me that's a major milestone for this conservative little woman!

Sounds somewhat like my wife. I would like to be able to dress and go places with her, and pass without a problem.