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The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread

Started by Cindy, June 22, 2014, 09:06:08 PM

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dalebert

I think I've told this one before but the thread was deleted so...

How many straight L.A. waiters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Both of them.

How many Kardashians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. She just holds it in place and the world revolves around her.

How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, but how do you get them in there?


Sydney_NYC

Sydney





Born - 1970
Came Out To Self/Wife - Sept-21-2013
Started therapy - Oct-15-2013
Laser and Electrolysis - Oct-24-2013
HRT - Dec-12-2013
Full time - Mar-15-2014
Name change  - June-23-2014
GCS - Nov-2-2017 (Dr Rachel Bluebond-Langner)


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Shantel

A guy goes into the post office to apply for a job . . . The interviewer
asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"

He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."

"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?" "Yes," he says, "I was in
Afghanistan for one tour."

The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"

The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles."

The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Disabled in your country's
service! Well that qualifies for extra bonus points. Okay, looking at the
regulations you have got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our
normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00
am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."

The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"

"This is a government job." the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."
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Miss_Bungle1991

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OreSama

A woman goes to the store and asks the clerk where the batteries are.
He motions with his fingers and says "Come this way."
She looks at him and laughs "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need batteries!"
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Shantel

Quote from: OreSama on August 03, 2014, 05:00:21 PM
A woman goes to the store and asks the clerk where the batteries are.
He motions with his fingers and says "Come this way."
She looks at him and laughs "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need batteries!"

:D
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dalebert

Quote from: Shantel on August 03, 2014, 02:51:31 PM
"This is a government job." the interviewer says. "For the first two
hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in
you coming in for that."

Only the first two hours? That must be the most efficient government office in the country!

Cindy

Quote from: dalebert on August 03, 2014, 01:09:07 PM
For the Aussies!

OK, no Christmas card for you!


Revenge:
Why do cowboys ride horses?

Because they are too heavy to carry.
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K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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dalebert

The only time "inkorrectly" isn't spelled incorrectly is when it's spelled "incorrectly".




K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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