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The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread

Started by Cindy, June 22, 2014, 09:06:08 PM

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Matthew

Did you hear about that guy whose left side was completely cut off? He's all right now.

My dad was in the army. He survived pepper spray and mustard gas. He's a well seasoned veteran now.

(Ok, ok I'll stop now)
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Shantel

Quote from: Matthew on August 19, 2014, 04:41:19 PM
Did you hear about that guy whose left side was completely cut off? He's all right now.

My dad was in the army. He survived pepper spray and mustard gas. He's a well seasoned veteran now.

(Ok, ok I'll stop now)

Don't stop, I'm sure that I'm not the only one enjoying your style of humor.
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immortal gypsy

Quote from: Shantel on August 19, 2014, 05:20:33 PM
Don't stop, I'm sure that I'm not the only one enjoying your style of humor.
Keep them coming, the only bad joke was the one never told.

Why are chefs so mean?
Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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Sydney_NYC

Quote from: immortal gypsy on August 19, 2014, 06:47:40 PM
Why are chefs so mean?
Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream

That reminds me of this magnet that is on our refrigerator:

And yes my wife and I are kinky, so it's quite appropriate for our kitchen, LOL
Sydney





Born - 1970
Came Out To Self/Wife - Sept-21-2013
Started therapy - Oct-15-2013
Laser and Electrolysis - Oct-24-2013
HRT - Dec-12-2013
Full time - Mar-15-2014
Name change  - June-23-2014
GCS - Nov-2-2017 (Dr Rachel Bluebond-Langner)


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Cindy

Why did the Irishman wear three condoms?

To be sure
To be sure
To be sure
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K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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Evelyn K

After 20 years of marriage, a couple was lying in bed one evening, when the wife felt her husband begin to fondle her in ways he hadn't in quite some time. It almost tickled as his fingers started at her neck, and then began moving down past the small of her back.

He then caressed her shoulders and neck, slowly working his hand down over her breasts, stopping just over her lower stomach.

He then proceeded to place his hand on her left inner arm, caressed past the side of her breast again, working down her side, passed gently over her buttock and down her leg to her calf.

Then he proceeced up her inner thigh, stopping just at the uppermost portion of her leg.

He continued in the same manner on her right side, then suddenly stopped, rolled over and started watching TV.

As she had become quite aroused by this caressing, she asked him in a loving voice, "That was wonderful. Why did you stop ?"

He said, "I found the remote"
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V M

A blind man decides he'd like some company so he goes to the local pet shop and asks if they have any nice, affectionate and well behaved companion dogs

The clerk says "Yes, but we only have two of them and they are both blind, I'll give you either of them for free" To which the man replied
"Well we should get along great!!! I'll take them both"

On the way home the whole lot of them walk into a bar






Didn't see that coming now did you?
The main things to remember in life are Love, Kindness, Understanding and Respect - Always make forward progress

Superficial fanny kissing friends are a dime a dozen, a TRUE FRIEND however is PRICELESS


- V M
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OreSama

From a conversation I had earlier-
"You really had to turn that into a sex joke didn't you?"
"Admit it, you saw it coming somewhere deep inside you."
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K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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dalebert

What do you call a pony with a sore throat? A little hoarse.

Why don't ghosts ever go trick-or-treating? Because they got no body to go with.

What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones.

Why shouldn't you trust atoms? Because they make up everything.

K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
  •  

K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
  •  

K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
  •  

immortal gypsy

An Australian, a New Zealander and a South African walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and asks,

"What is this a joke".
Do not fear those who have nothing left to lose, fear those who are prepared to lose it all

Si vis bellum, parra pacem
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K Style Addiction

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain, I like watchin' the puddles gather rain.

Despite all my rage, I'm still just a rat in a cage
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