The Totally New Even More Bad Jokes Thread

[Lily Rose]

He had a craving for bacon wrapped frog legs

 

[Cindy]

<I see with such sorrow that this thread has been inactive for so long.>

Why do Swedish ships have bar codes on them?

So they can Scandinavian.

[Lady Sarah]

I was thinking about bleaching my @$$hole. Should I pour it over his head, or make him drink it?

[V M]

This guy purchases an apt. in an upscale New York high rise and gets a labrador retriever to keep him company

He takes the dog for walks in the park fairly regularly but notices that the dog rarely if ever does it's business

Concerned he looks all over the apt. but finds nothing and so he takes the dog to the vet and the vet says the dog is in perfect health

One morning he wakes up earlier than usual but can't find the dog anywhere, until he goes out on the terrace where he finds the dog up on the ledge

Hanging it's rear over

[Cindy]

 A weasel walks into a bar and strikes up a conversation with the people at the bar.  The barman says,
Hi, I haven't seen a weasel in here before and I have never heard of a talking weasel, what would you like to drink?'

'Pop,' goes the weasel.

[Megan.]

A weasel walks into a bar and strikes up a conversation with the people at the bar.  The barman says,
Hi, I haven't seen a weasel in here before and I have never heard of a talking weasel, what would you like to drink?'

'Pop,' goes the weasel.

Made me laugh on a 'down' day,  tnx Cindy. X

Sent from my MI 5s using Tapatalk

[steph2.0]

Welp, I didn't like my beard at first. But then it grew on me.


I was wondering why the football was getting bigger, ands then it hit me!


What happens when chemists die? They barium.


I'm currently reading a book on anti gravity. I can't put it down.

I stayed up all night wondering when the sun would rise. Then it dawned on me.


- Stephanie

[big kim]

There's a man knocking at the door with a beard
No wonder I never heard him

[V M]

What's the last thing to go through an insect's mind as it hits the windshield?





It's butthole

[Jessica]

This guy went to the doctor and said to him "Doctor....I don't know
what's wrong with me, but every time I fart, it sounds like the word
HONDA".
"That's interesting, never heard of anything like that before. Do you
think you could fart for me?" says the doctor. The guy says "Sure."
And sure enough, the doctor hears "HONDA".
After several attempts to figure out what's wrong with this guy, the
doctor runs out of ideas. He sends him to all sorts of stomach
specialists and none of them can figure out why this guys farts say
"HONDA." It is a completely out of this world medical condition.
Finally, as a last resort, the doctors think they should send the man
to a dentist.
After explaining the problem to the dentist, the dentist opened up
the guys mouth and examining it.
The dentist says "A-haa!!!!....I have solved the problem."
The patient says "What is it? What is it. Please tell me doc".....The
dentist replies "Well, sir, you have an abscess tooth."
The guy says "Yeah....so....What has that got to do with my farts?"

The dentist replies, "Cant you see??..... Abscess Makes The Fart Go HONDA"

[Lady Sarah]

Phillip and I visited my brother and his family today. After eating, Phillip pointed towards my belly and said "look! Your sister is pregnant". I looked down, place both hands on my belly, and proclaimed "It's alive!".

[TicTac]

Wait, this is a thread for bad jokes?  Well, these can be considered bad too some people....right?

[AlexandraHamilton]

I love and loathe it. Jeez. That is such a pun y joke

[AlexandraHamilton]

That is actually a really fascinating interpretation of Shelley. She actually composed both characters to be very similar in traits and hubris, as well as egocentricism. That's not a joke, that is fairly cool commentary.

[MaryT]

A woman went to a gypsy fortune teller.

"Something or someone keeps knocking over my milk bottles and spilling the milk" said the woman. 
"I have my suspicions but I don't want to make any accusations until I am sure.  Can you help me?"

"I doubt it", replied the gypsy.  "I'll do my best, though."

For a long time, the gypsy peered into her crystal ball but the mist never cleared.

"I'm sorry", said the gypsy, "it's just as I thought.  There's no use scrying over spilt milk." 

[BeverlyAnn]

The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, 'What a great chest you have!'

He tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He takes off his pants and the blonde says, 'What massive calves you have!'

The body builder tells her, 'That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, Baby.'

He then removes his underwear and the blonde goes running out of the apartment screaming in fear.

The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.

The blonde replies,'I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!'

[Lady Sarah]

A 15 year old boy was spotted riding his Hippety-Hop to school one morning, by one of his teachers . The teacher asked him "may I ask why you didn't take the bus this morning?", and he started to explain:

"Well, I turn 16 next month, and my dad told me he won't let me get a driver's license if I don't get on the ball".

[SallyChoasAura]

Hey guys wanna hear a bad joke?





                 ME!

*gross sobbing*

[big kim]

What did the Scotsman sy when he won the lottery?
"I'm going to save,save, save!"
I'm 1/2 Scot & I've met more English skinflints than Scots!

[Lady Sarah]

Hear about the water moccasin that stayed out of the water for a bit too long?

He got a case of cottonmouth.