When does going out get easier?

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Heya girls

Was just wondering when going out got easier for you?
I go out all the time, and go to several dance classes etc.

But it always seems that just before I leave the flat and for the first 5 to 10 minutes that im out im massively anxious, and constantly looking over my shoulder :/

Do these fears ever go? And if so at what point in ure transitions did the anxiety lessen?

Zoe
X

[Carrie Liz]

At a certain point where you start getting at least reasonably confident in your passability, you kinda just stop thinking about it. And frankly, that isn't even necessary. If you keep living your life, eventually it just becomes normal. I was too terrified to even leave my car the first time I went out in "girl mode" about 14 months ago. But now, I've reached a point where even though I am still constantly worried about whether I'm "passing" or not, I don't let it stop me from going out anymore even if I am feeling like there's no way in hell I'm passing that day. My base appearance is still sort of in "gender contradiction" mode, so because I really don't have a choice, the options are either to go out in "girl mode" and get stared at by a few people or go out in "guy mode" and get stared at by a few people. So I really just don't care anymore. When there's no out, no way to escape the stares no matter what, it stops being something that interferes with your life so much.

When you think about it, it's other people's problem, not yours. You're just doing what makes you happy. It's others' narrow-minded notions of binary gender that is the problem.

[Eva Marie]

Probably about 15 times for me. No one ever seemed to pay any attention to me and I finally realized that I could quit worrying about it. There were still hurdles to overcome like using the ladies restroom but a few times doing that took care of those worries. Confidence is the major key to going out, and the only way to gain courage.... is to go out.

[LittleEmily24]

Speaking as someone who made the (arguably brave/stupid) decision to go full time on day 1... it became easier around month 2. Eventually you just get use to it, and then it becomes your regular thing. I dress as female full time and i love it.. can't say I love the collateral damage it sometimes causes, but I can't imagine going back to male clothes. I like to believe that every day i look better and better, but to me, the clothes I wear have gone from being "taboo" in my mind, to simply being "appropriate apparel for my gender".

It also helps to believe that I'm not the worst looking person out there

alternatively; i'm part of the kink community, and that kinda allowed me to be myself in public much earlier than transitioning. After a while i realized that the only thing that caused fear in me when i first started dressing, was being stared down by people and looked at weird... which still goes on today, so might as well just learn to ignore it until the hormones make it so that people are able to learn to ignore me =P

[Jill F]

Going out got easier every time I did it early on.

At first I was terrified to so much as walk out my front door, for fear my neighbors would see me.   Then I did it and nothing bad happened to me, even when I was spotted.  My therapist was wondering why it was that I couldn't get myself out of the house and pretty much double dog dared me to come to therapy dressed the next time.

About a week later I was able to get in the car and get driven around town.  Nobody seemed to notice or care.  I still didn't have the nerve to get out and walk around. 

I went to my next therapy session in a black maxi dress.  This was the first time I got out of the car.  I had to walk a couple of blocks through West Hollywood.  It's really LGBT friendly there and nobody so much as batted an eye.  I never presented male at therapy again.

The next weekend I went to San Diego, and it was girl mode all the way.  I brought guy clothes just in case I wanted out, but I never ended up going there. I was nervous as hell, wasn't passing well and I was clocked left and right.  Some a*hole at the hotel bar thought it would be cool to stare, point and laugh.  Nice...   Well, at least I got that over with.  Could have been worse, I guess.  I came to realize that it was more my demeanor than my appearance that gave me away.   I didn't give up.  It just galvanized my resolve to fix the issues.

Mid-week I decided that I'd go to a restaurant in Hollywood that I'd been to many times before wearing my black dress.  I overheard the three guys at the next table.
"Is that a guy or a girl?"
"Which one?"
"Who f***ing cares?"

Score one for Jill!

I then began going out in "guy mode" only when I felt I needed to or had to interact with people I wasn't yet out to.   I quit going out at night as a guy altogether. 

A couple of weeks later I went to the grocery store in guy clothes.  I looked down and noticed my nipples sticking out.  I felt way more ridiculous and uncomfortable in guy clothes in public than I did in girl clothes at that point.  That was the last time I ever did.  I was full time from that day on.  It was only two months after my first dose of E and just before my third laser session.  I don't even think about it anymore.  I'm a girl, and that is that.

[Misha]

That heavily depends on your mentality, how much you actually care what the people around think and of course how quickly (or slowly) hormones will adjust you so that people automatically talk to you like to a woman. And of course how your self-confidence grows.

So given the fact I don't care (when I put it mildly :-) ) what people think I actually started going out on December 16th which was 4 months before I got my first estrogen injection. But during winter it was simple. It was really dark when I went to work and again really dark when I went back home :-) . And everyone on our office floor was informed what's going to happen. Although I do admit the first day I was like a spooked cat. That fortunately went away quickly.

Later on as there was more and more light I realized that the people I walked by simply don't care (welcome to the Czech Republic where people don't really care what happens around; at least something positive on that fact :-) ). So similar to Eva Marie post my biggest problem was to start using the ladies room. From start I felt like an intruder but gradually it was more and more natural.

And after what happened to me on Saturday and Sunday my self-confidence went off the charts. I guess since I'm semi-blind I can't fully appreciate how HRT is changing my look :-) .

[Princess Rachel]

some of it's just down to projecting confidence, even if you're a bag of nerves inside if you look confident then you're less likely to draw attention to yourself, that said there's always going to be someone so hideously warped inside the head that they have to go out of their way to try and put you down, even if they have to run over hot coals and broken glass to do so, the best thing to do is just to ignore them like they're not even there, if they can't see they're upsetting you then they've failed and you've won

[TaoRaven]

My Boss kinda gave me the nudge to go full time by giving me name tags that said "Roxi" and mentioned that she was friends with the manager at Ulta, who would be happy to help me out.

A couole days later, ready or not I took the plunge.

I know I don't pass well visually, but my voice is good and my body language and confidence help make up for it as well.

I still have a hard time getting myself into the ladie's room, but no problem trying on clothes at stores. The ironic thing is that I live in Colorado, where I have a legal right to use the restroom that I identify with.

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Thanks for the replies ladies

Its good to know that it gets easier!
Ive been living part time now for about 7 months, and still get masive anxiety before I go out :/

im totally hoping that hormones will help! Because it drives me mad being worried all the time!
im fine when im with other people, I had a night out with a few girls from dance class the other week, and it was really good!!

I just feel that when im on my own,  people are looking at me :/ its not good

Xx

[Jessica Merriman]

I had to go full time right at the start. Thinking about switching all the time (part time) would have confused me. I did not let myself have an emergency exit so to speak and it became easier (at least to me) to go out quicker. It only took a week or two to feel comfortable and not out of place. 

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

I had to go full time right at the start. Thinking about switching all the time (part time) would have confused me. I did not let myself have an emergency exit so to speak and it became easier (at least to me) to go out quicker. It only took a week or two to feel comfortable and not out of place. 

yea Im totally ready to go full time I just need to find a new job!!!

I hate having to go to work as a boy :/ I think this might be whats making me so unconfident, as its soo difficult getting up the nerve to go out as me when ive spent a whole 8 hours in boy mode

Xx