I have no idea what I am doing or what to do.

[HarryWest]

Late I've again been wondering if we are truly compatible. Jess and me that is.

[CarlyMcx]

A little thing I heard from friends in the gay community one night over too many beers.  Don't know if this works or not.

Use lots of lube, and just as she is starting to push in, you try to push out, like you are defacating.  Supposedly that temporarily expands the sphincter to allow larger objects to penetrate.  YMMV.

[HarryWest]

Still not getting anywhere fast...

[AshleyMichelle]

Thank you for sharing Harry, I have been intently reading your story. Very inspirational!!!

P.S.
I'm unhappily hung. All my parents but my current have had issue with its size. To make it enjoyable for them I have always had to take great care. My partner has always needed preparation also. It is a mutual understanding. I take my time or they ride and take their time, but it is always mutually understood that I can't get overzealous.

Best of luck to you both,

Ashley

[HarryWest]

Thank you for sharing Harry, I have been intently reading your story. Very inspirational!!!

P.S.
I'm unhappily hung. All my parents but my current have had issue with its size. To make it enjoyable for them I have always had to take great care. My partner has always needed preparation also. It is a mutual understanding. I take my time or they ride and take their time, but it is always mutually understood that I can't get overzealous.

Best of luck to you both,

Ashley

Thank you so much. You are one of the few people who seems to understand my issue.

Can I ask how YOU go about preparing? Reply PM if uncomfortable sharing here.

[AshleyMichelle]

Thank you so much. You are one of the few people who seems to understand my issue.

Can I ask how YOU go about preparing? Reply PM if uncomfortable sharing here.

I'll post here even though I am a little uncomfortable but everyone that gets this far in the thread is invested. So for those I will continue. [emoji8]

FYI, this is a way longer post than I had hoped. I also tried to steer more towards informative rather than smut. Lol. Even though I love writing my own personal smut fantasy's. Hehe

So onward and inward. Lol

For me I have experienced 2 different causes of pains with penetration. Girth and length. Length can help with the girth and girth can help with length discomfort. First there's been a lot of great recommendations that have already been mentioned that work. Like lots of lube, plugs, positions, etc. Another topical cream that might help is lidocaine cream. It comes in different % strengths so it can suit the needs.

My methods are if my partner has discomfort with girth I use a finger to begin with until I can fit 3 comfortably. Then I take it slow, as to allow them to further adjust. Next I'll gently apply pressure until it's about an inch or two inside. This next method is very similar to perineum massage with child birth, in that method I'll take an extra finger and slowly slide around the head of the penis. If they can become comfortable with that I'll hold the shaft with one hand, and gently press on the abdomen with the other. As I feel my partner exhale I will rotate my penis around with my hand. Kinda like I'm trying to do the helicopter inside them. That usually takes care of most discomfort with girth. Length is my next topic and it's mostly position control of the receiver.

All the rest is position and control. Most of which has been mentioned. I will go over my favorite positions cause they give pleasure and reassurance to both. A side not is you can control from the bottom with your feet as long as you have control of the hips you control the speed depth and pressure. One position is the standard missionary with legs up. With a bit of flexibility you can bend your knees and place the tops of your feet on your partners hips; almost as a wedge. Another good position is the bottom lays on their left side with left leg straight right leg bent at a 90 at the hips. The top straddles the bottoms left leg. In this fashion the top has the bottoms right leg as leverage and a gauge as to how fast, slow, hard, or soft they can go. The bottom can also straighten the right leg from their hips to push the top away or bend more at the hip to allow deeper penetration. My last favorite and most restrictive for depth but not for girth is the bottom will lay flat on their stomach with legs straight and together. Kinda using their bottom as cushions to restrict depth. Only problem with this method is you will tend to clamp the muscles easier and faster if their is slight pain. My favorite is the side technique. It has to be mutual in all positions but in that one the top can really get depth, the bottom can really restrict, the bottom can relax, and the top still feels control. It has many benefits for both.

This next topic is possibly the most important and that is the anatomy. There are two main muscles. One can be controlled, this is the outermost and the other reacts from reflex and some say it can not be controlled. This one is the innermost. The innermost muscle I believe can only be controlled by the pressure the receiver applies outward. This inner muscle is the one that also benefits the most from stretching techniques. The stretching technique I love the most and is the most enjoyable for both is the previously mentioned method of holding the shaft while inside about 2 inches And rotating or applying pressure in a circular motion. It's very pleasurable for both.

My last topic I brushed over in a previous post. That was the mutual understanding. I've always been very aware and very considerate of my partners. As someone else mentioned the bottom is giving them self for the pleasure of the other. If I noticed it was painful for my partner I could not stand it. We can satisfy each other in other way, but for me pain was not an option. This is why I always patiently work to gain trust and comfort.

I really hope I wasn't to long winded and really hope this helps.

Much love,

[cheryl reeves]

I taught my wife how too do this to me with a vibrator. When I prep I do a enama til i'm clean, then I start with lots of lube til i'm relaxed and ready,what freaked my wife out the first time we did this is how I can cum with alot of natural juices,which allowed her to put her whole hand in. We have a 9 inch vibrator which when i'm totally ready can take the whole thing with no discomfort or pain. I know this is prob too my information but that's how I've been doing it too myself since I was 13yrs old and had bowel problems and started to do enemas so I could get relief and got hooked..

[HarryWest]

I'll post here even though I am a little uncomfortable but everyone that gets this far in the thread is invested. So for those I will continue. [emoji8]

FYI, this is a way longer post than I had hoped. I also tried to steer more towards informative rather than smut. Lol. Even though I love writing my own personal smut fantasy's. Hehe

So onward and inward. Lol

======================

I really hope I wasn't to long winded and really hope this helps.

Much love,

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You have given me a lot that I can really work with and I can see a few things Jess and me are not cooperating with.

Length has always been a problem as Jess likes to just go deep. While the more difficult and painful for me is girth as Jess tends to just stop at three fingers and lube.

[AshleyMichelle]

I Can not emphasize enough how pleasurable and useful the helicopter method is. Even if your relaxed and ready to take it all, it really is a nice break and useful cool down. Really feels good for both. It's usefulness and pleasurability is just as well applied for vaginal sex. My female partners love it just as much.

Also after quick review I flipped techniques. Do the helicopter first, then the perineum massage if still discomforted. Problem with the massage is the penis needs to be passed the innermost muscle and the finger needs to be just as far. Use lots of lube.

Also, also, you mentioned the problem with depth. The anus is wonderful because little adjustments with angle, breathing, relax, and repeat will adjust the accepted depth. She need to go at your pace!!! That's important so I'll say it again. She needs to go at your pace. You will be able to allow her to speed up as your comfort increases, but she needs to be patient!!!

Physical control for you is important, because that allows you to restrict if need be. She can get exited but if you have physical control by restricting her movement she can't hurt you.

Much love

Ashley

[HarryWest]

I Can not emphasize enough how pleasurable and useful the helicopter method is. Even if your relaxed and ready to take it all, it really is a nice break and useful cool down. Really feels good for both. It's usefulness and pleasurability is just as well applied for vaginal sex. My female partners love it just as much.

Also after quick review I flipped techniques. Do the helicopter first, then the perineum massage if still discomforted. Problem with the massage is the penis needs to be passed the innermost muscle and the finger needs to be just as far. Use lots of lube.

Also, also, you mentioned the problem with depth. The anus is wonderful because little adjustments with angle, breathing, relax, and repeat will adjust the accepted depth. She need to go at your pace!!! That's important so I'll say it again. She needs to go at your pace. You will be able to allow her to speed up as your comfort increases, but she needs to be patient!!!

Physical control for you is important, because that allows you to restrict if need be. She can get exited but if you have physical control by restricting her movement she can't hurt you.

Much love

Ashley

The things you suggested really helped last night.

It was a lot more pleasurable and comfortable for me.

Jess was accommodating but I figure our positioning still needs work.

As I've mentioned before, Jess really likes to "Have at it" when she sinks into me and a good position might be able to provide that whilst not killing my insides.   

[HarryWest]

Things are going much better.

[HarryWest]

How does marriage and civil union etc. work for couples like Jess and me?

[HarryWest]

How does marriage and civil union etc. work for couples like Jess and me?

Anyone?

[Peep]

I think it would depend on the laws where you live and what her "official" gender status is in terms of gender recognition certificates/ birth certificate etc. You should probably either do a country/ state specific google search or even telephone the local registry office or wherever you'd get the marriage licence from and ask

I think that it's also possible to change a civil union (i.e. between two people of the same gender) to a marriage when one partner transitions, so if she's not 'far along enough' from a legal point of view (ugh sounds awful but you know what I mean), you might not have to wait until all the documents are sorted. again that will be country specific...

I have read about it in the UK where I am, but I don't really understand what I read so if i was going to propose to my partner I'd probably phone a citizens advice or telephone the registry and get someone to explain exactly what I need

[HarryWest]

I think it would depend on the laws where you live and what her "official" gender status is in terms of gender recognition certificates/ birth certificate etc. You should probably either do a country/ state specific google search or even telephone the local registry office or wherever you'd get the marriage licence from and ask

I think that it's also possible to change a civil union (i.e. between two people of the same gender) to a marriage when one partner transitions, so if she's not 'far along enough' from a legal point of view (ugh sounds awful but you know what I mean), you might not have to wait until all the documents are sorted. again that will be country specific...

I have read about it in the UK where I am, but I don't really understand what I read so if i was going to propose to my partner I'd probably phone a citizens advice or telephone the registry and get someone to explain exactly what I need

Queensland, Australia. Currently considered by our government as both of the male gender.

[HarryWest]

I was thinking of asking her family (dad's) permission to marry and while I know they are supportive of Jess I'm not sure if they are that supportive.