Transition is never as bad as you expect it to be. Our imaginations are crazy, capable of picturing the absolute worst outcomes, and reality is much more boring.
I don't know how to talk a good game about what a good life is, but my transition was complicated, somewhat late in life, deeply contraindicated by the culture I grew up in, and, um, just not ideal. But I'm so much happier now. No one ever again gets to force me to act like a girl. Fixing that one tiny detail made every other problem easier to deal with.
Waiting seems impossible, but if that's what you have to do before you can make changes, find something important to care about while you pass the time. When I was younger I got really into music and books, and that probably saved my life. It's not that I don't care about those things anymore, but I really needed them when I was relatively powerless and they were the only parts of my life I enjoyed.
You are totally normal. Lacey might have the best idea, to look at other transguys and see what's possible.
