You will not be ostracized, many people cannot tell the difference between a transgender person and a cis person, and it's completely up to you if you decide to live stealth. Also, science is making leaps and bounds on the trans* scheme of things, so no worries there.

The journey isn't easy, I was in your position for a long time. But death does not equate to happiness, no more friends, no more nature, no more life. It's scary really. But life is a lot better, because you can live it how you wish, and absolutely nobody can stop you. Don't think of the now, think of the future, when you will be completely happy as a male. Nobody can take that away from you, because your happiness is not, and will not hurt anyone.

Scotty Mac:

Our brother, what you need is ROLE MODELS!  Successful transguys just like you who did what you want to do.  Click on the hotlink and start reading, bro:

http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TSsuccesses/TransMen.html

Take the time to reach each biography.  Every one of these successful transguys faced exactly what you are facing now in their own way.  They triumphed!  You can too!

Peace & Joy       Lacey Lynne

Transition is never as bad as you expect it to be. Our imaginations are crazy, capable of picturing the absolute worst outcomes, and reality is much more boring.

I don't know how to talk a good game about what a good life is, but my transition was complicated, somewhat late in life, deeply contraindicated by the culture I grew up in, and, um, just not ideal. But I'm so much happier now. No one ever again gets to force me to act like a girl. Fixing that one tiny detail made every other problem easier to deal with.

Waiting seems impossible, but if that's what you have to do before you can make changes, find something important to care about while you pass the time. When I was younger I got really into music and books, and that probably saved my life. It's not that I don't care about those things anymore, but I really needed them when I was relatively powerless and they were the only parts of my life I enjoyed.

You are totally normal. Lacey might have the best idea, to look at other transguys and see what's possible.

Felix:

Hey, I love the reply you gave Scotty Mac!  Thanks for doing so!

Actually, I've met several transguys.  I love them and support them fully.  They are The Real Deal.

Peace & Joy        Lacey Lynne

Scottie Mac:

SUICIDE is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Please get help immediately. Look to others as a role model to help you get through this. Sometimes it gets to be the darkest, but it can get a lot better afterwards.