Hello - I am girlfriend to a struggling cross dresser

[sarah_pj]

Hi. 

I am a new member here.

I have joined up because a couple of weekends ago my boyfriend very courageously confided to me that he struggles with his gender identity and a strong desire to cross dress. He described the horrendous conflict that he experiences and I feel now I understand better why he suffers depression periodically. I could see his pain and I wept not because of what he told me but because of his inner suffering.

I asked my boyfriend about support groups and getting help but he said he doesn't want to accept his gender identity disorder and wants to fight it; but my therapist told me she believes GID cannot be "cured" because its part of who he is. I am so afraid that he is going to end up hurting himself. I have found other christian websites that seem to be convinced it can all be overcome and healed. Is my boyfriend or my therapist right?

I have been looking at the discussions here and think this is a super supportive site. Is there advice or info I could point him towards that might help him accept where he is at?

Obviously, if he does accept it I don't know at this stage how far he would need to go down the transgender path in order to find peace. The thing is that it will in all probabilities have a massive impact on my life too. My boyfriend says that he doesn't want me to have to come to terms with dating a girl when I have always been straight. But I love the person he is, I feel so right with him, and I want to be with him. I don't want him to struggle but to have peace. Thankfully I come from a fairly openminded family and have one sister who is lesbian. I've tried to reassure him that I will come to terms with what changes he needs to feel at peace but I don't think he believes me. But I think he has the view that it is wrong deep down in side and can't actually accept it. How do I best help him?

I would much appreciate advice, support and anyone that would like to tell me more about how he must be feeling. I don't think my boyfriend is willing to let me explore it with him.

Thank you so much,
yours,
Sarah

[Jessica Merriman]

Hi Sarah and a big warm welcome!  Your boyfriend needs to see a Therapist and discuss this issue. I can tell you from personal experience these feelings do not go away and only intensify every day of every year. I use his telling you as a yardstick to judge the severity of his feelings. Most of us here only let people know when it became too much to hold in. If, and I say if, he has Gender Dysphoria he will not be able to fight it himself, I don't care how strong he is. He should see a Therapist and determine if he needs treatment. Sometimes very small doses of HRT can take care of the problem without a full transition. When my own feelings got to the point others were asking me what was wrong I knew I had to act and pursue treatment. My Dysphoria was so intense it is taking full transition to deal with it. Not everyone has to go all the way though. he has a medical issue, not psychological and this statement is backed by the DSM V. This particular gender issue is classified as a MEDICAL issue, not mental health issue. Please convince him to see a Therapist and if possible one with gender experience.

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[mark s]

My girl also didn't accept that she was transgender at first. She struggled with it since her early teens. She thought it was just a phase (which it clearly wasn't). When she accepted herself and sought help she became happier by the day and when she was passed (that strangers see her as a girl) she er became even more happier (according to her mom). I also came in her life  not long after she fully passed (honestly I thought she was joking when she told me).

Meaby a therapist or transgender meetings will help him/her deal with the feeling he/she has.

I think trust is very important for letting someone in the transition. It toke some time before my girl finaly fully trust me and let me in (even though I met her while she was already living as a girl).

O yea,  trust Jessica and me. If your significant other doesn't deal with it it will only get worse.

[mrs izzy]

Welcome sarah_pj to the Susan's family,

Agree with others about a therapist.

Also would be a good idea to have your own to help with emotional things when they get over whelming.

So many other here you should have a good support system.