True love worries

[Murrelet]

Long time listener,
First time caller.

Sorry if this offends anybody- but it gets kinda old reading about pulchritude issues and security concerns.
I'd like to ask a few serious questions not involving passing or wearing panties for the first time in public.

My experience- textbook. Dealing with it after a lifetime of shame and confusion.
Been with girls and guys. All good experiences.

Pass as a tall athletic Sigourney Weaver analogue for all those concerned.
Months of HRT have left me with a more peaceful mind but no real body changes because I don't eat enough to build bewbs I guess.
Whatevs.
I really like the mental deal.
Serene. Happy. Hopeful. Into dudes and how a very few of them seem to notice me in everyday life now. And I do know how to handle that now. It's a fun learning experience with the right one.

Sexual fantasy most excellent- cooking dinner for my cute nice bf.

My most paramount question for fellow travelers on this journey-

Did you sometimes worry that you were "just" a crossdresser?


Did your love life/ sexual map of what you were REALLY into seem confusing?

How did you deal with it?

I mean- what were we supposed to do? Decide to be miserable hetero males or embrace what we really are?

Specifically-How has the experience of going from miserable male unloving/unlovable creature to something akin to your ideal affected you?

Need practical advice.

Lovelorn.

Plz.

Thx

Jade

[Hikari]

My most paramount question for fellow travelers on this journey-

Did you sometimes worry that you were "just" a crossdresser?


Did your love life/ sexual map of what you were REALLY into seem confusing?

How did you deal with it?

I mean- what were we supposed to do? Decide to be miserable hetero males or embrace what we really are?

Specifically-How has the experience of going from miserable male unloving/unlovable creature to something akin to your ideal affected you?

Not sure how applicable my expierence is but here goes:

I really wished I was just a cross dresser. In the beginning I tried to placate myself in this way but, it was clear I needed much more than that.

As far as sexual confusion there were two things really, the first is that I hoped HRT would broaden my sexual attraction but, I am only attracted to girls. Nothing wrong I suppose with being a lesbian but it sure seems that I have a small dating pool now... The second part was I realized the sort of woman I am and the sort I am attracted to are actually kinda different and in the past I had conflated the two.

The only thing to deal with is that I couldn't really do anything about who I am and am not attracted to, in the abcense of any ability to change something all you can do is accept it.

In many ways it would be much easier for me to pretend to be a normal heterosexual male. After All I do like girls and there lots more who are willing to deal with a feminine man rather than a transsexual woman. My dating pool would probably be ten times bigger if I could have kept up that facade. For me this was simple I would rather be true to myself than have romantic partners. Sure I am pretty lonely right now in the romance department but, at least i am lots closer to my internal self.

And my quality of life has improved dramatically since coming out, and improved dramatically again after starting HRT. I finally think I am can say I love myself without any hesitation or caveats and that is something that I have never been able to do. Even my friendships are better, and while my wife did leave I still think my life is better now than before. I am not even sure what I did before could be called living.

Not sure if any of that helps but those are my answers to those questions.

[Sammy]

Hey fellow traveller

"Did you sometimes worry that you were "just" a crossdresser?"
Nope. As a total surprise it landed on me that apart of finally feeling right inside, I dont really either need or want female clothing. Andro stuff is much more practical and fits my frame better (not everyone gets to look like Sigourney Weaver, but I have to admit that she looks hot). So, I am rather worried about not being "just a crossdresser". 

Sometimes. But now I do smile back to that face I am seeing in the mirror. It never happened in my previous life, instead I was just checking out if I look mean enough or being very puzzled by what I saw "Who the hell are You and why every time I look in the mirror I get that feeling of seeing a stranger there". Kept wondering if other people experience the same and if yes, then maybe that's pretty normal - never asked anyone about it, ofc

"Did your love life/ sexual map of what you were REALLY into seem confusing?"
Yes, I landed from straight male to straight (slightly bi inclined) female, and have to admit, was (still am not) very happy about that. Guys seem to be quite complicate to handle and if I could choose... whatever .

"How did you deal with it?"
I try to thread lightly and carry a big stick. Cause... guys can be really complicate and are hard difficult to understand at times .

[sad panda]

Would-be detransitioner here... guess I will give my perspective anyway.

Did you sometimes worry that you were "just" a crossdresser?

Nope, though I always catch myself asking what the point of having transitioned is if I feel ugly anyway. I mean too much of my identity is wrapped up in beauty, because that's the universally accepted measure of my worth as a person/woman.

Did your love life/ sexual map of what you were REALLY into seem confusing?

Not really, I'm mostly into whatever the right guy is into.

How did you deal with it?

Well I sucked a lot of... y'know.

I mean- what were we supposed to do? Decide to be miserable hetero males or embrace what we really are?

I'm confused. Why would you be a hetero male if you like men?

Specifically-How has the experience of going from miserable male unloving/unlovable creature to something akin to your ideal affected you?

Sorry I have no clue what you mean by this.



Anyway, you should look up the member ultimus here, they self-identified as ->-bleeped-<- and probably had a lot to say about this.

[Murrelet]

Hiya from the hinterlands. Seriously.

I appreciate the replies.

Sad Panda yours especially hit hard.
Yeah, I've sucked at a few situations too. I hope you are okay kiddo. Drat your username makes me want to cry lots.

I do really like how I look in the right black dress and heels. Ha.

I've knew something was sideways since I was three. Seriously. Just like loads of you interweb denizens.

I never knew how to reconcile what I was. Still don't. But I figure there is a genetic component and if that fails I just keep telling myself that I'm the World's Biggest Tomboy. *hopefully that makes sense.

My questions mostly concern how do you go from this to that with a sexually off roadmap? I'm off the map.

That's it.

I'm not trying to hear about what outfit works best. I've got plenty of killer of LBDs and nice lingerie. Fark.

I'm just wondering about how does one reconcile the smoke and mirror past of sexuality and love that they did before versus the one they are up to now after diving into the deep end.

This is the part that trips me up.

Yeah I can look like a hot chick. I can be the best ever girlfriend. Have done. for a brief period. It was nice. But I cried lots.

How do you do it? Can it REALLY be done?

Can I be happy after?

Thx,

Jade

[V M]

Hi Murrelet 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

[Murrelet]

Thx V M

Will do my best to abide by the drat TOS ha.

Just kinda lonely confused etc. Thx for looking out for people like me.

be safe out there Amigas.

Jade

[JoanneB]

'Just a Cross-Dresser', or as my inner geek likes to say CD++.

A big part of what I call my 3D's; Diversions, Distractions, and Denial. Essentially overwhelming your life with 'Have to's' and sprinkle on some 'Just a CD' denial to get by. It sure beats the alternative of totally turning your life upside-down, to what end?

I did experiment at transitioning back in my early 20's. A part of that experiment was to evaluate how I really felt sexually being with guys vs just the fantasy being a woman with a man. Reality I found was different. One of the rationals I used to justify the 'Just a CD'. The CD++ reality is how much better emotionally I felt on HRT.

I relied on my 3D's to 'Deal' with it. Totally NOT recommended as over the course of 30 years I turned into a lifeless, soulless machine devoid of all hopes, wishes, and dreams, bar one. (OK another CD++ factor)

Six years ago I took the trans beast head on. Life is good, I found joy, I achieved my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman. I tend to be more asexual these days, which is not thrilling for my wife / GF of some 30 years. I chalk it up to years of HRT and just plain being a pre-Jurrasaic dinosaur. Guys do seem far more attractive now and it is a wild experience to be hit on. Something that never happened before. Still, I mostly remain sexually attracted to women.

I know it is difficult yet it helps a lot to differentiate between sexual identity and preference. There is no 'Rule' that states females MUST be attracted to males. Unless of course you are one of those bigoted, close minded religious zealots that want to burn anyone that cannot see the self evident truth that sits between your legs. Dysphoria and Dissonance, happy together - NOT