I don't know if anyone remembers me.. I was trying to go back and find my old posts (since I haven't been here for quite awhile and I got deactivated I guess...) I have an interesting update to my life.. But again, I am not sure if anyone recalls me. So it may be a moot point. Last I had mentioned I BELIEVE is that I had a homosexual male roommate that I loved/lusted for.. Guess what? He and I have been together 2 years! Here's the kicker.
I told him about how I felt about myself almost immediately after our interests started to merge toward each other.. (a dominant gay man "trapped" in the shell of a woman) and he found it confusing and scary. He did not accept it and still probably doesn't understand fully. When he asked me out, he did it under the premise that it was as a traditional "man and woman" thing... HUH?! Weird I know.. Since he claimed 100% gay when we met. (and I accepted it) He is aroused and thinks of me as my physical form.. But we interact and play together pretty much in untraditional ways. I have a son who is about to be 8.. and therefore I have not proceeded with my inner desires to be who I feel I am. (I live rather like a masculine female.. But no longer try to pass or anything) I am happy this way.. But still in my mind I have those days where I look at my body and go WTF!?! (because I often fantasize as myself being a male) We have yet to engage in sexual intercourse, because he was a victim of molestation and has a history of post coital depression. (he has had panic attacks every time he's engaged with others in sexual intercourse) and I said before I allow that intimacy he must undergo therapy and counseling.. We've talked about toys and stuff. Which I believe he will be open to. But here is where I waver between accepting my life as the gender I was assigned, vs what I feel I ultimately should have been> Its not that stressful.. Because I feel sexy no matter what because of how he always wants to touch me and hug me.. But that nagging thought just buzzes around.. Anyone been thru this?
